Working On My Quality

How was your day?......... Better!

What did you do? ............. I worked on my quality!

A few weeks ago I heard a woman speak of her 30-something son who has Downs Syndrome.  For 16 years he has worked at a steakhouse clearing tables and doing dishes.  Each day she goes to pick him up from work and each day they have the same conversation.  She asks how was his day and he replies, "Better!"  An inquiry into how he spent his day brings the same reply every time, "I worked on my quality!"

These responses stole my heart and have been in my thoughts ever since.  How often has my day been better than the day before?  Often enough... but what if it were consistently Better?  What if every day was better than the day before?  Granted, there are many things outside of my control which affect my day - but for the most part I am in control of what I do and how I react to situations.  In almost every way I am better than I was ten years ago... but if I could learn to work on this day by day - where will I be ten years from now?

I could work on being better in my family relationships, how I spend my free time, cooking & cleaning, coupon clipping, writing thank-you notes, smiling, keeping contact with friends,  exercising, reading, memorizing, sharing... blah, blah, blah.  Well, I could be overwhelmed and drive myself crazy and get discouraged trying to get better in everything.  Or I could not even try and just stagnate and feel even worse... 

This is where I really like the second response.  Working on my quality!  I can do this!  Instead of making a list of everything that needs to be better about my life (and feeling crazy and discouraged), I could just think about improving my quality of whatever it is I am doing when the thought comes to my mind.  If I could manage to think about it even once a day - improving my quality in that one instance ... well, I should be able to report that my day had gone "better" - and ten years from now I will have learned to seek for "quality" and find that every aspect of my life is "better". 

Good plan... 

Cancer checkup - Natalie had her MRIs and received a clean bill of health.  Jacqueline also had her MRIs and though there is some suspicious activity we are hopeful that nothing is cancerous.  Of course she is a missionary and so I was unable to be with her, but the doctors are not concerned at present.  Greg is happy to have a summer without chemotherapy and is recovering from over 30 stitches he received a couple weeks ago when they removed a few moles.  Only one mole proved to be undesirable, but they cleared all margins and he's doing great.  David and Mark will have their tests in July.  My one photo today is Kimberly - she doesn't have Li Fraumeni but we were still relieved when her pathology report came back clean.  About a month ago she had a painful cyst removed from her ear canal.  Aside from eardrops and a no-swim order, we were relatively unaffected.  Nevertheless, sending her into the operating room brought back many memories.  Fortunately I am well skilled at diverting myself - Nevertheless, it would seem that my children cannot go into surgery without some sort of excitement.  In Kimberly's case, after about 20 minutes, the electricity went off!  The generator kicked right on, but I was immediately aware that she was laying there under anesthesia and beyond my reach.  I was glad to get her home again.  As for Kimberly, she was thrilled to be able to report to her siblings that she had joined their "surgery" club.  They were not too sure that 30 minutes or so working on her ear "counts" - her lesion was "unremarkable" and her scar doesn't exactly give her bragging rights around here, but as the mom,  I'll take it any day!

Blee & the Eagles

Someone recently reminded me that the stress of moving is equivalent to having a death in the family.  This helps explain why I am living in slow motion - I think I am still recovering from those last crazy weeks.  Most of this was my own fault - I wanted to see and spend time with everyone that I loved... and I couldn't leave town without painting my friend's kitchen cabinets, or any number of other projects which I felt driven to accomplish.

One of my all-time favorite photos!

  One big one - David's Court of Honor.  He had earned his Eagle Scout Award several months before, and he was just waiting for his best friend to complete his paperwork so that they could celebrate together.   Looking at the calendar one day we realized it would probably not be possible --- but never say that to my friend Heidi, she pulled out all the stops and her son began making phone calls.  Thanks to many helpful people, he completed his paperwork.
  Time was up - we were moving - but... Heidi and I both don't like to be told we cannot do something that we really want to do - and so... on the first day of moving we asked our movers to leave early so that we could all go down to the church and celebrate the hard work of these two Eagle Scouts.

New Years Day hike along
Columbia River

  That evening was even sweeter than we had anticipated because Kimberly had also been working hard.  She had earned her Young Woman's Medallion and so we were able to add her to the program.  Having spent so many childhood years together, it was fitting that we celebrate together as well, especially on our last night in town.
  For anyone who knows these kids - take a minute (or 6) and watch the cute video that Natalie put together (quickly before we packed the computer).  You can watch them grow up before your eyes.  My favorite part is watching David and Kimberly together - they have such a sweet brother/sister relationship.  See how his arm is always around her, protecting her like a big brother should.  Also notice how they are usually playing outdoors - it's not secret that this is where I like to see my kids.  (Blee is what David called Kimberly when they were babies and he couldn't pronounce her name.  Almost 14 years later it seems to have stuck.)  click here: Eagle/Medallion Slide Show

There were Three Musketeers, why
can't I find the photo with Sheadan?

Serving Mom and Dad
an anniversary dinner

  Kimberly's Young Woman Medallion, or Young Woman Recognition Award, is something to be proud of.  It is something that the girls at church begin to work on when they are 12.  In the past they had to finish it by the time they were 18, but it is now open to all women.  I earned one when Jackie earned hers, and again with Kimberly.  I thought I would try to get three with my three girls, but I managed two with an Honor Bee - so I am aware of how much work these can take.  I want to briefly explain what this award entails.
There are 8 "Values" that the girls learn about and incorporate into their lives.  These are:

• Faith ~ learning to trust in our Savior, Jesus Christ
• Divine Nature ~ we are all daughters of God
• Individual Worth ~ each of us is very important to our Lord
• Knowledge ~ we must participate in learning at every level
• Choice & Accountability ~ we are free to make choices but must accept consequences
• Good Works ~ service to others brings joy to everyone
• Integrity ~ we must be as good as our word
• Virtue ~ our thoughts/behavior must be based on high moral standards

Another road trip

With each of these values, the girls must complete six "experiences" and a 10 hour project.  Experiences include a wide range of activities, studying, service, learning/teaching, etc.  Completing eight 10-hour projects is very impressive.   The entire program is called Personal Progress and it is aptly named.  My sister told me that she is never a better person than when she is actively working on her Personal Progress.    Just like a grown man who has earned his Eagle Scout award will almost always stand out, so will a woman who has taken the time to develop her mind, her talents, her spirit and learned to care for others through Personal Progress.  The Honor Bee I mentioned is an additional award that is available to girls and women who have completed Personal Progress - it has several requirements which include 40 hours of service.

Holding hands along the way

So today I am just celebrating Young Women and Scouts and my children and brothers who put their arms around their sisters and playing outdoors and friends who help you pull off big events on the day you move away and that I managed to bake 90+ rolls for a dinner tonight and none of them burned and my husband's trip next week just got shortened by a day and that I can see my trash can blew over but didn't spill and... that there is always something to smile about!

Nathan and Greg are both Eagle Scouts
(They set this goal at a young age)

AND everyone celebrate that at this very moment - 1,000+ miles away, Greg is having his chemotherapy port removed!  That means that he is over 6 months post chemo and cancer-free!  Let's keep it that way!  He's happy because it has added another port to his collection.  I am thinking that two is a large enough collection!

The Book Whisperer - Part Two

   Here in Texas we have a very early Spring Break - it is next week!  We've decided to go exploring a bit and are going to see what we can find in Arkansas.  What I am really looking forward to is shutting off the kids' phones for a few days.  I figure that this is a family vacation and their friends do not need to come along.
   I began this blog post in 2014!  I found it while searching for my original Book Whisperer... It only contained these two photos which are straight out of my old Family Home Evening scrapbook.  They are from 1999 and contain a list of some of the books that we had been reading aloud... OH!  How I wish I had kept that list going!  Anyway, reading the original Book Whisperer post was fun.
  My sister, Lori,  just asked me what we are doing for Book Whisperer now... I am glad she didn't ask me much sooner since I finally got my act together just a couple weeks ago.  I'll explain our new program right after I report on our first one.
  We began in September of 2014 and officially ended last summer.  Kimberly wanted to be done by the end of the school year and she did it.  Mark and I completed ours soon afterward with David and Natalie following up this past fall - mostly finishing up I think.  IT WAS GREAT!  The fact that we were required to read was wonderful!  It meant that there was always a book nearby and I reawakened my old habit of reading before I fall asleep.   In fact, everyone was going to bed sooner so that they would have time to read when possible.  We had a lot of quiet evenings as we sat together reading - when does that happen if you aren't Book Whisperers?

When Lori texted me her question
I looked up and there was Kimberly
reading "Standing Next to History"
A fun book we have all shared about
the Secret Service during the
Reagan years.  How we miss
Ronald Reagan!

  The other really positive aspect of our program was that we were required to read so many different genres.  They included Realistic Fiction (5 books), Fantasy/Science Fiction (5), Biography (5), Historical Fiction (5), Mystery/Western (4), Informational (4), Poetry (2) and My Choice (10).  This really worked to broaden the scope of my reading.  It also gave me permission to read some really fun books - before this I felt that I should be reading all "informational" books - and they can get rather boring.  Another aspect I loved... we shared books.  Someone would read and recommend a book and we could all pass it around over the next month or two.
  I had intended to report on some of the books that I read, but I cannot find my list - when I find it I will write about it.  For now, I will share our new plan:
  This time around we aren't counting books, we are counting pages.  We can read a lot of small books, one large one.and anything in-between   (Natalie just pulled out the unabridged Les Miserables which should fill her Historical Fiction requirement by itself... ) We will each read a minimum of 1,500 pages in the following genre:  Realistic Fiction, Fantasy, Biography, Information and Historical Fiction.  We will also have 3,000 pages in My Choice.
  A new twist... This time we have to write.  Yes, write... and I heard more than a few grumbles about this.  I bought the set of Moleskine notebooks from Costco - a little nicer to write in than composition books.  Inside of each book is the record sheet (since I kept losing my last one... seriously, once I found it outside in my backyard?!?) and the new rules.  We just have to write a short report on each book and what we learned.  I know... this kind of defeats the purpose of the Book Whisperer -reading-for-the-joy-of-reading... but last time there wasn't a prize.  This time we have prizes... and it isn't hard writing - more of a record that I wished I had from before.  What if I had written down a few notes on every book I have ever read? What a treasure (for myself)!  So... we will be writing.
  Kimberly has a big head start since she finished our last program in June 2015 and hasn't quit reading.  I explained this new program to her at the time... but (this will make everyone feel better) - I didn't get around to making these books and explaining it to everyone else until last weekend (Feb 2016).    Oh well, that's the way it goes...
  So - next week is Spring Break (without  friends texting).  The sunshine which has been so beautiful and present each day is going to be hiding behind some clouds/rain. We will be in Arkansas... and just in case rainy Arkansas doesn't keep us busy... we all have instructions to pack a couple books!  Let the games begin!

For more information search for my first Book Whisperer post - or Google "Book Whisperer" and learn about this incredible teacher.  It is inspiring!


 

Lifetime of Love

  "It's ok Mom, we know you love us!"  Kimberly, my 13 yr-old, was assuring me that she didn't mind that I had forgotten to put the red food coloring into our traditional Valentines Day breakfast.  Pink milk, pink, heart-shaped pancakes and pink buttermilk syrup are the usual fare.  Before church on Sunday I hurried to  prepare pancakes, buttermilk syrup and milk... it wasn't until we were almost done with breakfast that I realized that the pancakes were round and that nothing was pink.
  I knew it wasn't a big deal, but Kimberly's reassurance reminded me that there are so many little things we do that does express love.  Words are important.  Hugs are important.  Kindness is important.  Service is important.    Fun holiday traditions are good too, but sometimes don't mix well with getting to church on time....

   My friend recently told me of a lady she knows that has decided that when her children reach a certain age, she will no longer express her love for them through words or hugs.  Apparently they will no longer need those things.?? Well... I do not know what age that would be... I am nearing the half-century mark and I still need and expect this from my parents.  It breaks my heart to hear of such a parenting theory and I am grateful that my parents loved us children so completely - and expressed it in word and deed.

Well, here we are.  This photo was already
on my blog, so I probably wrote about
Dad on his last birthday also.  Oh well,
Happy Birthday Dad!!

Dad in high school

  Yesterday my dad turned 75!  How did that happen?  Isn't he in his 30's, patiently showing me how to tie my shoe and encouraging me as I learn to roller skate?  He is pushing us on the swings... giving us a "run-under" so that we can swing higher than the birds.  Now we are hiking on the California coast and he is stopping to break off leaves of various shrubs, smell them and tell us about that particular plant. He is full of boyhood stories of similar times spent hiking these same trails.  I'm in high school and he patiently helps me understand how to solve a word problem in Algebra.  Years before he
helped me learn to write an essay.   He is in his late 40's and driving me home from college for the summer, teaching me that deserts are beautiful, that all of the world is full of beauty if we will just look for it.  For a couple years my summer job is at his firm and we occasionally drive into the hills to eat our lunch, enjoying the views while eating peanut butter sandwiches together.  He is in his early 50's and I have just had my first baby boy.  He thinks he is alone with the baby and doesn't know I am watching him as he coos and makes nonsense sounds - have I ever loved him more?  He enters his 60's.  We both love photographs, stories, and family history.  We both want to be always outdoors, always breathing fresh air, tending plants and enjoying quiet moments.  I realize he is the most intelligent person of my acquaintance.  I try to practice what he preaches... if you think something is unpleasant - change your attitude and suddenly it is enjoyable (he is better at that than I am).

I am in Junior High School -
and I knew my parents loved me!

  So now he is 75 - I talked to him on the phone yesterday.  He had just come out of the theatre - they had gone to see the new Star Wars.  It was a bit emotional.  Why?  Almost 40 years ago we watched the original Star Wars together.  First our entire family went - we had been anxiously awaiting its release.  Then... wonder of wonders... Dad took my brother and I back again the next night.  And the next!  Although money was always tight - we saw that movie three times (or was it four?) in one week.  One memory is burned into our brains and our hearts - as we drove home our car became an X-wing fighter.  He put it into warp speed and we bravely battled the tie-fighters the whole way home particularly around that one corner near the 7-2-11.  All of these years later we remember it, we smile and we know that we love each other.

November 2014
Daddy-Daughter snapshot.
A lifetime of love!!

  "I love you"  "I love you too"
  Of course that is how we end all of our phone calls... and we mean it.  I expect to hear it, and I want to hear it.  Yet without it, I would still know.  My entire life I have known.  I knew my parents wanted to be parents.  I knew they loved being parents.  I knew they loved me.  When my dad speaks of having us all together as a young family he tears up.  They are the best of times.

  I love my family.  I love my parents.  Even more, I love being a parent.  I adore my children.  I will always tell them, and I hope that I always show them.  I hope that my entire life reflects the deep feelings I have for motherhood.  What memories will they have of me on my 75th birthday?

Alternative Ending:
  I don't want to conclude there - because I have never doubted that my father loves me, I have never doubted that my Heavenly Father loves me.  Because I have experienced the deep love that I feel for my children and they cannot yet comprehend, I know that my Heavenly Father loves me with a depth that I cannot yet comprehend.  I cannot grasp it, but I am learning to trust it.  I am one of countless children and he loves us all.  How I wish I could share what I know with everyone.  I am just one person, one daughter.  I can do my best to share this love with my children, and they in turn can learn to share it with their children.  It can filter out through our home and our lives to our friends and to those with whom we interact.  We can make a difference!  Our Father would want us to!

Experience Joy

   A smart, beautiful young girl dies of cancer.  Her mother writes a book.  I read the book.  I know I wasn't having the emotions that I was supposed to have.  I felt frustration. This poor woman really struggled - really, really struggled.  For example, she could not bathe because the water caused so much pain on her skin.
  Poor lady!  As I read of her struggles at first I just wanted to say, "Get A Grip Lady!" - Not very nice, but I couldn't understand her reactions.  I have been through so many of these same experiences and handled them so differently.
  I am a nice person and I repented of my reaction -  Then my frustration stemmed from the fact that I couldn't step into the book and help her out a little!  I wanted to talk to her and share some things that I know.  Her daughter was an amazing little girl and I was sorry that their last months together weren't lived differently - but alas, I could not change the story.  In the end, the mother finds a sort of peace, though I still think she is off the mark.
  A few weeks ago I was able to speak in church.  My topic was "How a Christ-Centered Life brings Joy."  I love this topic!  Because we are new in Texas I was able to share a few of our cancer experiences.  I share this because I wanted them to know that, despite a couple of really trying years, our family experiences JOY.

I think this is supposed to be
accompanied by M&Ms.
I would share if I could....

  This is a message I wish that I could share with everyone.  I know that childhood cancer doesn't reach every home.  However, I also know that trials, heartache and suffering do reach every home in one way or another.  Cancer is easy to talk about.  I am blessed in this way.  I know that every mother will watch their child struggle with something and most of those struggles are not to easy to discuss, or should not be discussed with others.  We have some of those.
  Cancer, however, well - we can talk about cancer.  If your child hasn't been diagnosed, you know a family member or friend has been.  We all know the fear and we all want to help.  So... I talk about it.... Hoping that those other mothers can read and learn and know that we can experience Joy in the midst of our trials.  This is one of the most beautiful and powerful lessons that I have learned through our childhood cancer years!
  I have thought more about this during the past couple of days.  I know I can feel sadness, discouragement, apprehension, anxiety, exhaustion and many other less-than-positive emotions and still feel Joy.  I may not be smiling.  I may be crying.  I can still be joyful.  Joy is deep.
  I also thought that I cannot feel Joy when I feel emotions such as anger, malice, jealousy, etc.  Why is that?  If my Joy is deep, where does it go when I let myself be angry?  I think that the key is "let myself."  When I make the choice to let myself have such negative emotions, I experience the consequence which is to drive away the spirit of Christ.
  Jesus Christ taught us the way to be happy.  That way is to follow Him.
   He taught us, he asked us to do certain things and live a certain way... then he gave us the agency to choose how we will live.
   I have learned that when I choose to follow his teachings and example, I can be in the midst of great heartache and still have joy... still have peace.
   It is simple, but so many people don't know where to turn or how to get there.  I have learned a lot over my life - I will write more of what I have learned.... later.  This is because I have learned that joy in family life is not achieved when Mom spends too much time on the computer...

Go Outside and Play !!

   Mark moved to Texas 2 1/2 months before the rest of the family.  That same weekend another family from Washington moved to Texas.  Mark met them at church - three of their children match the ages of our three still at home.  How fun it has been to have such good friends already - our kids have a great time together - all of them laughing, talking, playing games, etc.
   Our two families have a lot in common.   One important characteristic of both families - we limit our children's away-from-the-home activities so that the family has recreational time together.  We both enjoyed living in Washington with all of the outdoor activities available.  Hiking, swimming, exploring the coast...    A few nights ago my friend looked at me and expressed her concern for how we will spend our summer hours in the heat and without the mountains, lakes and rivers to which we are accustomed.  That night I slept fitfully as I pictured a summer without Lewisville Park, Battle Ground Lake, Siouxon Falls, Moulton Falls...

I captured this on my
phone last August and
it should explain my
summertime anxiety

I loved walking at Lewisville
Park several times/week

  To know me is to know that one of my greatest dreams for my children came true when we moved to our five secluded acres.  We lived there almost 14 years and never watched a television station.   My kids played outdoors with their imagination - I love hearing them reminisce about their make-believe games.  It sounds like they all had a special spot in the woods where they could go to be alone.  I know I did.
  I have been very blessed to move to Texas with 2.3 somewhat secluded acres also!  My property is lined with trees on three sides and a neighbor with a pond on the other.  I am humbly grateful each day to have found this location!
   I just stepped outside to spray paint several picture frames.  Yes, it is a bit cold to be painting outdoors in January.  Nevertheless, those few minutes outside were exhilarating.  More so than sitting here, now, at my computer.

My kids built some sort of stone-
henge at our favorite beach,
Cape Lookout

This entire blog post was inspired by a friend's Facebook post which included this important video: Click Here  It is sobering to think what is happening with our current generation and what this means for the future!

This seems like a good time to transcribe a paragraph from a letter written by Mark in September of 1994!  It surfaced during the move. It is printed on a dot matrix printer and still has the paper-feed sides to it.  (We used to be better about writing letters to our families.) The setting is Aloha, OR.  We had just graduated from BYU and moved to the northwest.  Mark is telling everyone about the blackberries, the zoo, and other discoveries.  Then he writes this:

Our neighbor's pond in
Texas is beautiful

One of the best things we have done as a family is sell our TV.  I recommend this to everyone.  We do plan to buy a small portable 13 inch to use as a monitor for watching videos, but feel no urgency to do so.  You may ask how we fill the void of TV.  Well, there is no void, only freedom.  

As we drove away from WA,
one last stop at
Multnomah Falls.

   The lack of TV allows time to read books with the boys or play other games.  Corinne and I also enjoy reading.  For news we listen to the radio during the day.  This is much better because the radio takes time to discuss issues instead of just giving a headline.  I have access to computer databases at work and can print articles from all the major newspapers.  If there is an issue that we want to know more about we have a great information source.  The nicest part of not having a TV is that we have eliminated the negative influence in our home.  We no longer feel obligated to sit and watch all night long.  Instead we go for walks or just sit and talk to each other.  Again, I encourage all of you to move the TV out of the front room and into a closet only to be used occasionally.

I have been thinking, if this
doesn't sell I will have a great
summer vacation home!

In WA we kept this "TV"
under our stairs and pulled
it out to watch movies.

This was obviously before the internet was a part of our lives.  No one would have dreamed of smart phones, especially in the hands of children!  Mark was 28 when he wrote this.  As I read I am encouraged to think of new ways to cut back on technology.
Yesterday I talked with another mom who limits her kids' time with technology.  (It was her Facebook post.)  It is so refreshing, why is it so rare?!
Seriously - if you haven't watched that video... go back and click.

Observation, Inspiration & Confirmation... Independent Thought

One challenge my husband and his colleagues face in the business world is the new generations and their lack of independent thinking.  They know how to click and check boxes, but there seems to be a lack of effort to understand and problem solve.  Looking around I think that this can be said about much of society.  Every community you drive though has the same stores, the same restaurants.  (We like to use our Yelp app to find small, local eateries.)  Stepping off the beaten path definitely has its reward… especially when the beaten path society is on is, for the most part, heading to a destination to which I do not aspire.

Recently I wrote about how participating in family traditions makes us unique.  What about traditions which involve “not participating?”   Traditions evolve, and lately I have been considering the evolution of Not Doing.  I thought of a few things that we traditionally do not do – and I see that these evolved through the process of observing (ourselves and other), praying for inspiration and later receiving confirmation – that is, knowing that this was the path on which we preferred to be found.  These traditions may continue to change and evolve, but the underlying principle is that of making conscious choices about our life’s activities.

Some things we do not do:

Playing together.

We do not play soccer.  I am not a soccer mom.  Nothing against soccer, this is more about families being completely overscheduled.  A couple months ago I heard a young mom say that it was time for the next child to begin soccer, as though it was time for kindergarten.  I felt sad knowing that she would now have so many children in so many activities that it would spread the family thin.  The idea seemed to be that every other kid in the neighborhood was signing up – but I bet most of those young children would rather be climbing a tree or digging in the dirt or drawing with sidewalk chalk – or even better going to the park with their siblings and parents.  Organized sports for young children --- I just don’t get it.  The evolution of our non-soccer tradition began simply and for two reasons… we couldn’t afford the fees involved and my husband was always out of town so that I had the care of all of those young children.  We did play little league baseball for several years with the older boys.  That was fun, hectic, and I realized that home life was greatly improved when we were involved in activities together.   A few years later Nathan was playing basketball and we were all (five younger siblings) there watching.  Another mom mentioned how each of her several children had a game at the same time and were spread about at different schools.   I felt strongly that this is not how I wanted to spend my weekends – particularly during soccer season when it is cold and rainy.  I liked hearing of families that allowed only one sport per year.  We have encouraged basketball for those who are interested – it is a fun sport to watch, they will actually play it when they are out of school, and it is indoors.  We have also encouraged activities that they can do with siblings such as dance classes (girls) or piano/music lessons.  Mostly, we have tried to think of positive activities that our family can do together – usually hiking.  Hiking isn’t always popular, but we our outdoors, we are together, and we know that they are making great memories.  Cross country, tennis and middle-school running are all winding down this week.  My kids are in high school/8^th grade and these sports have been great experiences!  Good teamwork, developing physically and socially, we love going to watch them participate – this seems like an important part of their life at this stage!  However, I am sooo very excited to have more time at home together as we get into the holidays and before spring activities begin.  I have zero regrets at how we have chosen to spend our children’s precious childhood years.

Notes from Jackie

We do not play video games (at home).  I should say we do not own video games.  A few observations here – when the boys were young I had several moms tell me that they wished they had never purchased their child’s playstation (or whatever they were using then).  “Why don’t you get rid of it?” I would wonder.  They didn’t like how it took their child’s time and attention, how they never went outside to play anymore.  I also observed how children would be glued to their Gameboys.  I wondered how they were going to learn about the world around them when all they did was stare at that little screen.  When did they learn to interact… oh yeah – when they were playing soccer…  So, much to the disappointment of our children, we decided to Just Say No to videogames.  Only a couple of the children have really cared – and it has been confirmed to me that these are exactly the children who needed them absent in their lives.  We do own a Wii – with the stipulation that the games had to involve physical activity.  Sometimes the Wii “disappears” for months at a time – and we don’t miss it.  As the children have gotten older they are more likely to thank me than to ever see that their childhood was somehow lacking.  The confirmation I have felt regarding this decision is ongoing and I have no regrets!

We do not drink caffeine.  This one started in my childhood.  After making deliveries at the local grocery stores, the Pepsi truck would then drive to my grandpa’s ranch to load up his shed with cases of soda.  I guess they really liked Pepsi.   Upon marrying my father (51 years ago today), my mother also grew accustomed to drinking the stuff – and the story goes that she could hardly wait at night for my dad to come home at night because he would bring her a Pepsi from work.  When she realized just how much she cared, she began to realize that she was becoming addicted and began to work on weaning herself.  I remember as a child we would have Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, but never after the age of 9 or 10.  For myself, I think that the taste is disgusting anyway.  In college I took some physiology classes that showed how caffeine intensifies and then takes the place of our own neurotransmitters – thus is highly addictive like nicotine.  Mark once ordered a Pepsi while we were dating – and, though I know I didn’t say anything, I somehow conveyed my disapproval (apparently I have a certain “look”).   Thus it goes – we don’t have caffeinated drinks in our family.  Over the years I also observed how a few of my children couldn’t handle the sugar when they drank any sort of soda – so we cut those way down and what do you know? – no regrets. 

We love the outdoors!

We do not watch TV.  What a shock Mark gave the internet provider in Texas when he was getting us all set up and we turned down the “amazing” offer of Direct TV for only an extra $10/month.  This tradition has definitely evolved over time.  We didn’t have a TV for the first couple years after we married but then someone gave us a small portable TV… this was at a time when I was completely out of commission with morning sickness and Mark was going through a long recovery after having a bone tumor removed.  We were careful about what we watched, mostly PBS shows for the kids… but eventually we made two important observations.  TV wastes too much time – this is super obvious.  The other was that the messages about family – the children are sassy, the fathers are made to look less-than-capable and the general attitude is far from ideal.  We have never had more than a couple channels… and for almost 14 years we have had no channels.  I have had friends adopt this same approach to TV – their families miss TV for a couple weeks and then can’t believe they ever had it as part of their lives.  On the other hand we have a home theatre and love to invite friends to watch movies.  Confirmation for this tradition comes each time we watch TV in a hotel – besides the very lame lineup of shows available… what about those commercials?  Ugh!  One more observation about TV – I hung onto it for awhile to watch the news… until I observed ….well, I am getting too opinionated, but let’s just say I have many other options for getting news if I want to learn what is going on.

I have a few other not-doing traditions, but this is getting too long. 

Just like I don’t think that everyone needs to take old-fashioned photos every couple of years to be successful, there are happy families who watch TV and play soccer – Yet, as everyone seems to want to live the same type of life, doing all the same things...  

 I would just encourage all families to think for themselves, look into the future and choose activities which will strengthen their most important relationships, within the walls of their own home!