Family & Friends, Angels, & Ancestors - Sticking Together

Recently, I wrote about our family "sticking together" - one little stick on its own is weak... a bundle of them together is strong and hard to break.  One our own we may be weak, together we are hard to break.  These past weeks I know that our family is more than eight strong... we are supported by many friends; each one adding a stick to our little bundle...
A friend brings my family dinner while I am out of town... add a stick...
A friend sends a fun care-package from home... add a stick...
A friend who babysat my kids (and taught them piano) over ten years ago has grown up, moved to Utah and came to visit with treats at the hospital... add a stick...
A friend from home who moved to Utah a few months ago visited in the hospital brought treats and a back massager and twice took David to spend time with their family... add a stick (or two)
A friend who is carrying a heavy burden of her own covers for me and runs a youth activity I was supposed to be in charge of last week... add a big stick
Exactly the same scenario with another friend for last night... another big stick...
Friends send their love... stick, stick, stick...
Friends pray... stick, stick, stick.
Family doing what family does (all over the nation)... strong sticks added to the bundle

We have been strong and supported, and we have quite a team on our side!  Thank you to all of our friends.

My dad pointed out something that I thought was beautiful - we were discussing this blog.  I was also saying that I know there are angels all around and somehow supporting us.  He reminded me that I have grandmothers and aunt from Mark's side of the family which are aware of us.  These ladies also had children with Li Fraumeni Syndrome - they know how it is to watch their loved ones suffer.  They are aware of me and my family, and they are also on our side.  I have enjoyed that thought all week.

Now - an update.  I have been having quite a technology nightmare.  I am borrowing Greg's computer - trying to do my online homework has been awful and I will have several hours of catching up before midnight Saturday... hopefully computers at home will cooperate.  Anyway - I do have photos, but they will have to wait (sorry Mark, haha).
Greg was a superstar!  Last Saturday he found out that he would get a certificate on his hospital door if he could walk a mile, and suddenly he was able (like getting stickers on a chart - you never outgrow that!).  It was no problem to come home on Sunday.  He has been taking it easy - Grandma's house has a recliner that works well for recovering.  The weather has been nice so that he can walk down the street.  He can eat whatever he wants... and for the first time in a year he has found his appetite.  I had really suspected that he would be limited to jello until he moved up to applesauce... we just shared some pizza.  I love knowing that he can eat - and is eating.  Everyone has noticed that he has color in his cheeks again, and we are all looking forward to a return to health.
Greg has a few weeks until he meets with his oncologist - to me that means almost a month of eating before any sort of chemotherapy takes away his appetite - and then it will be temporary.
I was supposed to be driving home today, but elected to stay when they scheduled an appointment for tomorrow - we should learn about his tumor/cancer staging and discuss future treatments.  The appointment is in the morning and then David and I will hit the road.  Greg should be back in his apartment this weekend and plans to be in class on Tuesday and at work on Wednesday... I am so grateful that I could be here, but I am very anxious to be home with Mark, Natalie and Kimberly.  I feel completely and totally wiped out.
All good news...
And more good news this week... our long-awaited Li Fraumeni test results are in for Nathan!  He is NEGATIVE!!  What a great sigh of relief!!  I celebrated with him by eating our favorite little tacos in Provo along with a large horchata (one of the only drinks that tempts me away from water)... then a couple packs of Costco muffins for his freezer... He took a date to dinner the night before to celebrate... I am getting rather hungry... perhaps I should find Nathan and celebrate again.  I am on BYU campus - maybe a visit to the creamery... a blueberry fritter in the Wilkinson Center.... chocolate covered cinnamon bears in the bookstore....so many options - luckily he is always hungry...

A Great Night

We had a system at Doernbecher to ensure the most peace and quiet in the morning.  I would leave my curtain drawn over the "parent" section of the room and Greg would lay in his bed.  We would quietly converse until we heard a knock on the door - then he would close his eyes as if asleep until he knew who was entering.  He always "woke up" but whoever it was would quietly go about their business and leave.  Between housekeeping, aides, nurses, nurse practitioners, and at least one team of doctors... mornings were always very busy.  

The view from Huntsman as we checked in yesterday.

Here we were this morning right back in our old routine without even thinking.  After a few "visitors" he realized I was also awake.  His first words were, "I had a great night!"  What good news.  He was up in a chair twice during the night.  A heating pad and an icy-hot patch helped relieve the back pain.  He drank a large glass of Power Ade and had a little jello and Italian ice.

Here is what I think is amazing - the surgeon came by today... advanced his diet to "as tolerated" and told him his goal today was to do 12 laps of the floor (this equals one mile).  

Yesterday my mom was telling me that when my grandmother had colon cancer (about 50 years ago) she was in the hospital for 6 weeks with an open wound.  A drain came out of the wound and emptied into a bedside jar.  Last week my mother-in-law was describing my father-in-law's colon cancer/surgical experience.  It included a long hospital stay and a mild, bland diet for quite some time.  That was about 35 years ago I think.  

Sunrise across the valley as I read in the lobby this morning.

If you have to be sick, this is a wonderful time to be sick... I am still all astonishment when I see his small incision. ("All astonishment" - name the movie!)

 Currently I am in a lobby enjoying the view while he sleeps.  The catheter is out and his PCA pump is discontinued.  I think the new IV pain med has him wiped out, and it is good for him to sleep so soundly.  He has also had a few bits of saltines!  Hooray!! 

For some reason our room is some sort of internet vortex.  Yesterday our devices that had coverage kept that coverage for awhile.  Today I have had to hike around to find coverage - hopefully it will last for awhile. (I have a lot of online homework to figure out before tomorrow night.) 

Not too bad - the view from my couch-bed.

 There is a lot of sadness in the faces of families as they are in the hallways.  Yesterday we met a friend of my mom's who was here with his son (my age).  His son had brain surgery last week and has still not woken up.  How my heart goes out to all of them.  It is very humbling to have everything going so well for us... and I am soooo grateful.

It is possible that Greg will be able to go home on Sunday, though we will have to see if he meets the requirements.  Dr. Schiffman (Li Fraumeni Specialist) came to see us last night and would not be sad to see us here on Monday so that they can take a little more of Greg's blood for testing.  This would have to do with the elephant studies... I will have to write more about that later... It's pretty cool.

Greg's Surgical Update

Huntsman Cancer Institute is situated atop of mountain overlooking the Salt Lake Valley.  There are large windows here in the family waiting room.  It is beautiful...no, it was beautiful this morning.  Right now it is a little hazy, but I cannot wait to see the sunset!  Each floor is open to the lobby where someone is playing a grand piano - we have had a very comfortable day here.

Hospitals - I am doing fine as long as I stay busy.  I have had schoolwork and a phone call with Mark to keep my mind occupied.  I think that David and I have single-handedly cleaned out the snack basket... eating helps also.  Once I found myself thinking of Greg and surgery and I went light headed and remembered to think of other things.  ...I think that Greg shared some blog-type thoughts recently... need to check the email...

Here is what I found from Greg:

As I walked into the hospital the other day I remembered how I when I was little, going to the hospital meant Mom was having a baby. Whenever we would go to the hospital I only saw Moms with babies, and old people. So I figured you were in the hospital to be born or to be old and sick and die. Kids don't go to the hospital, they go to the doctor to get shots. Plus why would the hospital have to be so big if there are only two groups of people in there (old people and moms) 

We would also go to the doctor when the kids are sick. We would go out to the doctor we liked in Tigard when the other doctor was closed, midnight emergencies. 

I am now surprised to the opposite effect. There are people who don't know how to navigate a hospital or doctors office. They don't know how to get blood drawn, or what tests show what results. Or the basic parts of the body like lymph nodes. 

Its actually an exciting thing to have surgery. It's like a cure all. Go to sleep for a while and then wake up with all the bad parts gone and a week or two of recovery and voila! You're better. 

Well, let's hope that he will be better with those bad parts gone.  Who would have thought that my children would be such experts around the hospital...  I used to love hospitals.  That is why I went into nursing.  I used to love just driving by...  I cannot say that I love them so much anymore, but I love all of these people who take such good care of my family.

 His surgeon came and told us that all had gone well.  We were expecting four hours and it took about 2.5.  She said that they were able to take out the tumor, the lymph nodes and plenty of other tissue to get nice wide margins.  It continues to amaze me that this was all done with laproscopic technology.  Of course they needed an incision to remove the tumor, but it sounds like it was only 2 inches or so.

Laparoscopy was one of the good things that we have learned.  Another was that Greg has an extra section of intestine there in his sigmoid colon (this is where the tumor had grown) and so they could take all that they needed and still have plenty to stitch (or staple actually) back together.  This makes a big difference in recovery.

Well - we are now up in Greg's room.  He is having severe lower back pain.  Probably some of the worst pain I have seen him experience - it is frustrating to not be able to do more.  They just set him up with a heat pad and he has been able to relax enough to fall asleep.  Well - at least close his eyes and relax a bit.  His incision is causing no trouble at all.  He is, of course, polite and kind in his discomfort... knowing it will pass and wishing it would hurry.

I am getting texts asking for updates.  I will publish this blog and update again later...

The Red Badge of Courage

Hmmm, I recently learned that my sweet husband doesn't read my blog, he just looks at the pictures...  So here I am in Utah with my little "school" computer.  The only photos available are family history related... I wonder....  That's really just fine, because he has to live with me and listen to all of my musings each day...

David and I drove to Utah yesterday - it is about 13 hours to my parents' home in Payson.  We arrived 45 minutes ahead of schedule due to dry roads and weather so cold that we didn't even exercise at the rest areas.  (But hey - how about those gas prices!!)  There is a good-size pile of school work for David to do each day, and a car trip was not an excuse to skip school - so we listened to his American Literature book, The Red Badge of Courage.  We had been working together on this over the past couple of weeks.  He was having a hard time getting into the story.  I hadn't read it before, and had to agree that it was not exactly captivating...  so I agreed to read it aloud.  That was kind of a drag for me... so we agreed that on the way to Utah we would listen to it and he would follow along, stopping after each chapter to record a summary.

Two of my soldiers

The Red Badge of Courage is narrated by a talented reader who did a much better job with the southern drawl than I had accomplished.  We both enjoyed the story after all.  A young boy is excited to join the army and fight in the Civil War.  The battle of Chancellorville is the setting.  In a nutshell, the boy wonders how he will handle the battle... will he be brave enough to stay and fight?  An initial burst of excitement in fighting is followed by an cowardly retreat, and then another act of cowardice as he runs from a dying man.  His excuses run out and he begins to feel shame... wishing for a "red badge of courage" - a wound that will prove his bravery.  He gets his wish and is grazed by a bullet in the head.  His regiment greets him with respect rather than the derision he expected, and he goes on to perform acts of bravery.  He is commended by the officers, but he still battles with his initial cowardice...

Photos were always a
traumatic time.  Usually
both sets of eyes were red.

Much of the book focuses on his anticipation of what is to come; scared of the unknown and not knowing how he will handle it.  This is followed by much self-evaluation and he responds to people and circumstances which he encounters.  I drove along with my own thoughts of battles.  As I drove, I found my thoughts/words to be quite eloquent and I wanted to share them.  Tonight I am preparing for bed with thoughts of our own upcoming battle and I am not feeling quite so talented with my words as I felt yesterday... oh well, I will try to remember...

Life was so simple...

Life is so full of battles!  On Monday afternoon, while I should have been packing, I indulged myself in a nice long visit with a friend instead.  We discussed life and its challenges.  I am aware of many of her challenges, and she is aware of many of mine... alright, anyone reading this is aware of our ongoing war and current battle with cancer.  I want to say this... discussing them does not make me discouraged.  Not at all.  Like a soldier facing a formidable enemy, I am pumped and ready - and I want my friend to feel like I do... that we CAN face these things.  We MUST face them with courage.  As we spoke I saw again the big picture... that life here on earth is full of challenges, but overcoming them can bring us strength and joy.  At the end of this life, I want to look back and know that I did my best.
If I say this on every blog post... I cannot say it enough...  There is a God in Heaven, and we are his children.  He will NOT leave us alone.  He loves us and wants to help us.  He also wants us to make our own choices, and would not force himself upon us. He wants us to turn to him and ask. He wants to be part of our lives and get us through these rough times.
If you are reading this, you have probably read my other posts.  You will know that I am a seasoned veteran of the Battle of Childhood Cancer.  I know it feels to pray and receive help.  I know how it feels to have friends, neighbors, coworkers, friends I haven't seen in 30 years and people that I have never met pray for our family.  I often describe to others as a prayer bubble in which I feel peace and strength.  It is so humbling, and I am so deeply grateful.

Soldiers should not go into battle unprepared.  They learn and they train, even during times of peace.  To be close to our Lord we need to also learn and train, even in times of peace.  Learn to be like him and train to know how to call upon him.
We (our family) will face tomorrow's surgery with faith.  We pray for Greg's recovery, but also his spiritual strength and well being.  We pray for his surgeon and oncologist.  The surgery is one step, followed by the stress of waiting for the tumor to be analyzed and staged... then we will know what the chemo situation will be.
We march to battle praying to face the enemy with courage.
Remember, times may be hard, but they do not have to be bad...

Mark and his brother, Danny

...now to find a few pictures for Mark...

Alright, I just have to explain that I found a few young "brother" photos.  Since I have been using this blog as a sort of journal supplement during times that I rarely write in my bedside journal, I will explain.  Today David and I met Greg, Nathan and Jackie on campus and then went to  gather with my parents in the little house in Provo where Mark and I lived as students.  (My mother-in-law still owns it.)  The boys played together as very young boys here, and today I was privileged to sit and listen as Nathan prayed so beautifully in behalf of Greg.  Afterward they embraced and I experienced every emotion that a mother is entitled to feel.  How could I not feel joy?

Stick Together! 100 Years of Family Night

I love this photo!  My one-week-old baby, Kimberly, is nestled in my neck and my other babies are gathered around.  Could anyone be happier?  We are all holding a stick because  I had just finished teaching them about the strength that our family has when we "stick together."   If we hold a single stick and try to break it - of course it snapped in two very easily.  When we put eight sticks together... unbreakable.  Just like our family - on our own we are weak, together we are unbreakable.

Why would a one-week-postpartum-mother-of-six take the time to gather the family for a lesson?  In the words of Tevya, "It's TRADITION!!" (Fiddler on the Roof, of course).   Just by looking at this photo I know it is a Monday night.  Moreover, I know that the children are smiling because as soon as Mom's lesson is over we are all going to eat a treat.  Hopefully Dad bought some ice cream...

The Armor of God

2015 marks 100 years of Family Night Tradition!  in 1915, when most families spent most of their evenings together anyway, our church leaders requested that families set aside one night a week to be together; to sing, learn, play, etc.  They promised that families would be closer, siblings would get along better, children would be more obedient, etc.  At some point in the 1960's, as society was getting so "busy," Monday night was reserved for families.

Mark and I both grew up in families that observed this tradition.  Even when my family didn't have an actual lesson or activity, we were together.  Friends could be with us, but we didn't split up to go to friends' homes.  One summer afternoon I got a call from a boy I liked - he asked me to go to the movie with him that night... it was a Monday!  I chose family first.  Haha, he knew I didn't go to movies on Sunday, but when I told him I couldn't go out on Monday either, I am sure he thought I was making it up to avoid him (not true, but that's ok now).  I guess I could have taken the rest of the family along.  I have also learned that both sets of my grandparents honored the Family Night tradition to one degree or another.

Manners are Magic
Those slips of paper (drawn
from a hat) have good
manner situations to practice.

Family Home Evening is the official title for our Monday night activities.  It has evolved and changed in our little family.  As newlyweds we didn't do much on our own, but at least once a month we would join a cute little group of widowed ladies and take turns teaching lessons, telling stories, making treats, whatever.  I don't remember how well we did when Nathan and Greg were babies, but by the time Jacqueline came along we never missed, and we had such fun times!  Toward the end of 1997 I started taking photos each week and recording what we did.  Sometimes we played games, sometimes we went hiking, sometimes we filled our home with friends... but we were always together.  We made assignment charts with jobs like conduct the meeting(fun for kids), choose a song, lead an activity, teach a lesson, say the prayer, make a treat.  Tracking the photos history it is easy to see that with each child I became less organized.  I think there is one photo of David as a baby, and then a few with all six of them.  Nevertheless, we persisted - our Monday night tradition rarely wavers... we just don't take photos anymore.  I will see if there are some fun ones to post.

Noah's Ark

This is on my mind because I have been working on scanning the photographs/summaries.  I LOVE THEM!  How fun to watch the kids grow - how fun to see how they contributed to make the evenings special.  The title of my book is "Experiment Upon the Word" - because this is what we did.  We were taught to have Family Home Evening, we believed that it would benefit our family, and so we began the Family Home Evening  Experiment - though we didn't really realize it at the time.  What I did know is that my children were precious, and I would make every effort I could to raise them to love one another and love the Lord.

Chocolate Frosting?

Mark flew to Salt Lake City on business today.  He went a few hours early so that he could drive to Provo and see the three kids before his meetings.  He will not be there for Greg's surgery, so he was pleased to be able to visit beforehand.

I think Greg made a game for us to play.

 I have not heard the full report, but I am quite sure he did not leave them without offering a prayer/blessing together.   We are not perfect, but we do love each other.  Regular and consistent family night has paid off.  The experiment works! We have learned to stick together.

Quick cancer update - Greg is feeling fine and in great spirits.  He has dropped down to 6 credits so that he can keep his job.  He will meet with the disability office next week to discuss the rest of the semester.  It is tricky to come up with a list of accommodations when you don't really know what the future holds...

Storytelling and Our Relationship to Happy

Here we go again!

Lori, my sister, and I have been talking about telling stories.  Currently we are both working on getting a second degree - this time we are in the same program and it is fun.  We returned to school last fall (online of course) at BYUI to get an AA degree in Family History Research.  I have a lot to say about this, but right now I am writing about storytelling.  She sent me this link, Storyteller, which is a man named Donald Davis.  He is a storyteller...

The video tells the story of his papa who swung a sharp little axe right into his 5 yr-old knee cap and became crippled.  At 5 yrs-old his Mama told him to tell her the story.  He didn't want to tell the story because it wouldn't change anything.  "You are not telling the story to change what happened," she replied, "you are telling the story to change YOU."
She had him repeat the story over the years, each time with a different agenda.
"Tell the story and tell what you learned from living through it."
"Tell the story and tell what you think your parents learned from living through it."

When life gives you rocks.....

"Tell the story and tell what you think the doctors in Atlanta learned from living through it."
She explained that if he didn't tell the story enough he would be 50 years old, and each time he looked at his knee he would be five again and pitiful.
"Tell the story and tell what you get to do that your brothers don't get to do."  (Stay inside and read while they did the farm work.)
By the time he was 15 he felt that chopping his leg was the best thing that he had ever done.

More of Mama's wisdom: When something happens to you, it sits on you like a rock.  If you don't tell your story, it sits on you forever.  Telling your story helps you climb out from under the rock until eventually you climb up on top of it.

 The story doesn't change what happened to you.  The story has the power to change our whole relationship to Happy.

Most rocks are beautiful.

He is a southern man with a charming accent.  I loved it when he said "our whole relationship to Happy."  Using "Happy as a noun" is great - I made it a proper noun just for fun.  He may actually have used a different word that I understood to be "Happy" and I am keeping it because I like it that much.
As I reflected on storytelling this week, my own story took a little twist.  Actually it was one of those steep drop-offs.  I know from experience that it seems to be bottomless, but there is a bottom - or maybe several ledge along the way.  And then... you climb your way out.  For me it is true that telling the story helps me to climb up.  If what the storyteller's mama says it true - a rock just fell on us, and now we need to climb on top it.  It kind of seems that we are in a bit of a hailstorm of rocks lately - we just begin to climb and another lands on top.... I am envisioning those rock stacks that Mark enjoys creating.

When Kimberly is bored at
piano lessons....

Yesterday afternoon Greg returned to Salt Lake City for more testing.  Mark and I were in Portland at a meeting, but not sitting next to each other.  At one point I had the distinct impression that Greg had just been told he had cancer.  I felt this so strongly that I fought the urge to look at my watch - I didn't want to be rude, but I wanted to confirm the time.  Afterward Mark told me that he had the same feeling; rather than looking at his watch, he glanced at me and knew I was having the same experience.  It was confirmed as I called our doctor.
We have one of those amazing and rare doctors who gives us his cell phone number and asks us to please call him.  He was at home, but took all the time we needed to discuss our new situation and options.  So here we go...
Greg has cancer.  It is not related to his past osteosarcoma (phew), nor to the treatment he received.  There is not a huge rush for treatment, but surgery needs to happen ASAP because of the size of the abdominal tumor.  As I sit here typing I got a text that it has been set for the 22nd of January.  This is actually a week later than I expected, so we have more time to plan.  I will plan to be there, and I believe that Mark has business meetings in Salt Lake around that time as well.  He will have a couple of weeks to recover before beginning chemotherapy.

Why I tell my story....

We don't have chemo information yet.  The biopsy was completed after hours last night, so there was no staging, etc.  Also, Li Fraumeni tumors don't obey the rules and often need treatments to be changed from what the normal population would receive.  The wonderful thing that they keep reassuring us is that he previous cancer, osteosarcoma, is very intense; and the treatment he had to undergo was even more so - so this will not compare.  It is serious, and it will not be fun - but we have a couple weeks to prepare.
Greg is scurrying to make decisions about school.  He was looking forward to completing his prerequisites to get into a business program (no more pre-med).  That will have to wait another semester, but we think that it is important to his psyche to keep doing
something.  Hopefully this will mean a class or two and keeping hours at work.  He had a week to prepare for this news - and he used it well to get over the discouragement.  He will be entering this adventure with a positive attitude, and  that will continue his positive relationship to Happy.

Cancer, Christmas & Cupcake Wars

We almost hosted a Christmas Party.... almost.  That is, we thought of the idea - Mark actually suggested it and I actually thought that we could pull it off.  We were both aware of being on the path back to normal.  Especially after our kids' clean scans in November.  There is a sense of getting our heads above water, breathing normally and especially feeling...  Feeling.... I had an image of myself as a tree that is budding in the springtime.  Still alive through the winter, but now just about to return to a more beautiful and productive state of being.  Feeling the sunshine, wind and rain with an enlivened sense of being.
We weren't quite there - but on our way.  It felt great...
sidenote:  We aren't exactly hermits - we tend to have people at our house quite often and always enjoy it... but it is different than it used to be.
Back to the current story -
The Sunday before Christmas... our congregation was full - the college kids were home!  Mostly.  My three college kids would not be home for a couple days because they each had an appointment at Huntsman Cancer Institute on Monday.  Nathan was being tested for Li Fraumeni Syndrome (he was in the Philippines while everyone else was doing this), Jackie needed an MRI of her liver (follow up from November) and Greg was there to hear the results of his MRI from the week before.
Monday - It was strange to have so many children at the doctor and not be involved.  I finally got my "going good" texts from all but Greg.  The boys' appointments were in the morning, Nathan stayed with Jackie for her afternoon MRI, and Greg was asleep on the Front-Runner headed back to Provo so that he could work.  That was unfortunate because back at the hospital they were trying to find him.  They finally tracked down Nathan - he was in the MRI waiting room.  After further review of Greg's scans, along with his physical exam, they had arranged for further testing.  Obviously he was unavailable.

Here is where it got complicated - I was expecting the kids to leave Utah early the next morning to drive home.  Tuesday morning at 9:30 would set them back a few hours, but I thought it was worth it and didn't really understand Greg's refusal to wait.  His doctor was also insistent that he stay in town until they could resolve it.  Finally the doctor consulted with a colleague who said that another week would not have an impact on the situation.  I was rather unsettled with the whole situation until the next morning when Mark and I returned from a morning walk to find them home!  They had driven through the night to surprise us!  Their car was packed and they simply had to wait for Greg's shift at work to be over so they could leave.

A family (+Laura) temple trip helped
kick off our Christmas!

Back to Monday afternoon - texts and phone calls all seemed to be bringing worse and worse news.  I had been truly looking forward to the "boring year" that Natalie had predicted.  Our lives which had been budding into springtime had hit a deep freeze and I could physically feel myself slipping back into my shell.  I did not feel strong enough to face it (whatever "it" would be).  I did, however, know the way.  I had been reminded just the day before at church.  Our Bishop has spoken on Isaiah 9 - For unto us a child is born... and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, the Mighty God.... the Prince of Peace.  Peace is what I was seeking.  Counselor is what I needed.  Mostly I was numb.  I actually had several youth at my house for lessons on making cinnamon rolls/party.  Luckily they were entertaining themselves as I was getting the news.   By the time Mark came home we had received the "go-ahead-and-go-home" phone call, so the dark afternoon was passing.  Peace was coming.  I knew that we would be able to face whatever we were presented with.  I didn't want to, but I knew that we would.  We would be left with a great unknown through Christmas - but it was ok.
Better than ok - Christmas was wonderful.  This is the first time in four years to have all six children at home.  We were by ourselves and loved every minute.  I'll tell more later...
As I type this I am sitting at OHSU - in the waiting room with Greg while Jackie has yet another MRI.  This one is to check her spine and make sure that gruesome tumor has not returned.  We will see the doctor this afternoon and they will head back to Provo together early in the morning.  Last Wednesday she had blood drawn for her internist, but we had to cancel her appointment because they are leaving town so early.    (Having responsible kids who support themselves through college means that they have to work instead of staying to play with us.)  This wonderful doctor agreed to just call if there are any concerns - we are hopeful that these results are normalizing.  Jackie's Christmas break has been a little hospital-heavy.  We haven't heard anything about her liver so we are assuming that all is well.

The set of Cupcake Wars

Sitting with Greg, I told him that I would be blogging about our current situation and he was less than thrilled.  I am, therefore, leaving our many details.  I will just say that many friends worried that he was rather thin when he returned from his mission last summer.  Take away another 20 pounds or so - and therein lies our concern.

A "fondant" girl playing
at the beach.. My sweet
husband was surprised to find
out she was plastic - as though
we could create something
like that!

Christmas Eve was my all-time favorite.  When the children were young they would dress up and act out the nativity.  During the past few years we stopped dressing up and combined Christmas Carols with scriptures.  This year we watched the movie Silent Night on BYUTV and then sang our way through all of the Christmas Carols in our hymnal.  (It is fortunate that our children can accompany us on the piano.)  At the last minute we decided that we would take turns giving a short, impromptu devotional on the upcoming song - it was great.  One of my favorites was for "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing" - it was Natalie's turn and she reminded us that we all need to "Hark" and listen for heavenly messengers... take time to be still and listen.

S'mores anyone?

Making little movies and music videos is something that my children enjoy.  For a family event last Saturday they orchestrated an "episode" of cupcake wars.  Scripts, scenery and scenarios were designed on the spot.  Baking, decorating and creating reality-TV-drama-&-intrigue took all of our energy, but it was so much fun to laugh together.  Everybody contributed and everybody got along... what more could a mother want?

I have been typing along and waiting for some results... We have now seen Jackie's scans and spoken with her doctor.  There is no sign of recurrence and she has the next six months off.

Wednesday - I have also spoken with her doctor in Utah and her liver scans are unchanged.  They will continue to monitor it on an annual basis, but we will be not be concerned.  Greg spent the day back at Huntsman.  They did a CT scan - these are super rare for our family because we have to avoid all forms of radiation when possible.  Even our dentist limits the X-rays for the kids.  I just got off the phone with his doctor... and they will need to do more testing before we have a diagnosis.  Right now it ranges from inflammation to cancer and everywhere in between.  He did remind us that Greg's prior cancer, osteosarcoma, is intense and treatment is extremely intense - so we wouldn't be looking at anything like that.  Phew.  I have spoken with Greg and we will not worry until we have cause to worry.
Another positive - classes begin next week so Greg would be able to change his schedule quite easily if necessary.
When the children left on Tuesday morning I was very sad - more than I expected to be.  I even let Mark know I would begin to save right now for an extended vacation when I became an empty-nester because an empty house will be unbearable. Today I ran into my friend, Gina.  She asked about the kids and I gave her the update.  "No wonder you were so sad when they left!"  The light went on!  Of course I was more upset than usual - I wish that I could be with my son as he undergoes testing and doctor visits!  But who is my Counselor?  From whom do I receive Peace?  The same Source as my son, and all of our family.  Greg will read this and know that his mother has faith and will be praying for him to feel strength.   I am sure that I can add grandparents, sibling and many friends as well.