Cancer, Christmas & Cupcake Wars

We almost hosted a Christmas Party.... almost.  That is, we thought of the idea - Mark actually suggested it and I actually thought that we could pull it off.  We were both aware of being on the path back to normal.  Especially after our kids' clean scans in November.  There is a sense of getting our heads above water, breathing normally and especially feeling...  Feeling.... I had an image of myself as a tree that is budding in the springtime.  Still alive through the winter, but now just about to return to a more beautiful and productive state of being.  Feeling the sunshine, wind and rain with an enlivened sense of being.
We weren't quite there - but on our way.  It felt great...
sidenote:  We aren't exactly hermits - we tend to have people at our house quite often and always enjoy it... but it is different than it used to be.
Back to the current story -
The Sunday before Christmas... our congregation was full - the college kids were home!  Mostly.  My three college kids would not be home for a couple days because they each had an appointment at Huntsman Cancer Institute on Monday.  Nathan was being tested for Li Fraumeni Syndrome (he was in the Philippines while everyone else was doing this), Jackie needed an MRI of her liver (follow up from November) and Greg was there to hear the results of his MRI from the week before.
Monday - It was strange to have so many children at the doctor and not be involved.  I finally got my "going good" texts from all but Greg.  The boys' appointments were in the morning, Nathan stayed with Jackie for her afternoon MRI, and Greg was asleep on the Front-Runner headed back to Provo so that he could work.  That was unfortunate because back at the hospital they were trying to find him.  They finally tracked down Nathan - he was in the MRI waiting room.  After further review of Greg's scans, along with his physical exam, they had arranged for further testing.  Obviously he was unavailable.

Here is where it got complicated - I was expecting the kids to leave Utah early the next morning to drive home.  Tuesday morning at 9:30 would set them back a few hours, but I thought it was worth it and didn't really understand Greg's refusal to wait.  His doctor was also insistent that he stay in town until they could resolve it.  Finally the doctor consulted with a colleague who said that another week would not have an impact on the situation.  I was rather unsettled with the whole situation until the next morning when Mark and I returned from a morning walk to find them home!  They had driven through the night to surprise us!  Their car was packed and they simply had to wait for Greg's shift at work to be over so they could leave.

A family (+Laura) temple trip helped
kick off our Christmas!

Back to Monday afternoon - texts and phone calls all seemed to be bringing worse and worse news.  I had been truly looking forward to the "boring year" that Natalie had predicted.  Our lives which had been budding into springtime had hit a deep freeze and I could physically feel myself slipping back into my shell.  I did not feel strong enough to face it (whatever "it" would be).  I did, however, know the way.  I had been reminded just the day before at church.  Our Bishop has spoken on Isaiah 9 - For unto us a child is born... and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, the Mighty God.... the Prince of Peace.  Peace is what I was seeking.  Counselor is what I needed.  Mostly I was numb.  I actually had several youth at my house for lessons on making cinnamon rolls/party.  Luckily they were entertaining themselves as I was getting the news.   By the time Mark came home we had received the "go-ahead-and-go-home" phone call, so the dark afternoon was passing.  Peace was coming.  I knew that we would be able to face whatever we were presented with.  I didn't want to, but I knew that we would.  We would be left with a great unknown through Christmas - but it was ok.
Better than ok - Christmas was wonderful.  This is the first time in four years to have all six children at home.  We were by ourselves and loved every minute.  I'll tell more later...
As I type this I am sitting at OHSU - in the waiting room with Greg while Jackie has yet another MRI.  This one is to check her spine and make sure that gruesome tumor has not returned.  We will see the doctor this afternoon and they will head back to Provo together early in the morning.  Last Wednesday she had blood drawn for her internist, but we had to cancel her appointment because they are leaving town so early.    (Having responsible kids who support themselves through college means that they have to work instead of staying to play with us.)  This wonderful doctor agreed to just call if there are any concerns - we are hopeful that these results are normalizing.  Jackie's Christmas break has been a little hospital-heavy.  We haven't heard anything about her liver so we are assuming that all is well.

The set of Cupcake Wars

Sitting with Greg, I told him that I would be blogging about our current situation and he was less than thrilled.  I am, therefore, leaving our many details.  I will just say that many friends worried that he was rather thin when he returned from his mission last summer.  Take away another 20 pounds or so - and therein lies our concern.

A "fondant" girl playing
at the beach.. My sweet
husband was surprised to find
out she was plastic - as though
we could create something
like that!

Christmas Eve was my all-time favorite.  When the children were young they would dress up and act out the nativity.  During the past few years we stopped dressing up and combined Christmas Carols with scriptures.  This year we watched the movie Silent Night on BYUTV and then sang our way through all of the Christmas Carols in our hymnal.  (It is fortunate that our children can accompany us on the piano.)  At the last minute we decided that we would take turns giving a short, impromptu devotional on the upcoming song - it was great.  One of my favorites was for "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing" - it was Natalie's turn and she reminded us that we all need to "Hark" and listen for heavenly messengers... take time to be still and listen.

S'mores anyone?

Making little movies and music videos is something that my children enjoy.  For a family event last Saturday they orchestrated an "episode" of cupcake wars.  Scripts, scenery and scenarios were designed on the spot.  Baking, decorating and creating reality-TV-drama-&-intrigue took all of our energy, but it was so much fun to laugh together.  Everybody contributed and everybody got along... what more could a mother want?

I have been typing along and waiting for some results... We have now seen Jackie's scans and spoken with her doctor.  There is no sign of recurrence and she has the next six months off.

Wednesday - I have also spoken with her doctor in Utah and her liver scans are unchanged.  They will continue to monitor it on an annual basis, but we will be not be concerned.  Greg spent the day back at Huntsman.  They did a CT scan - these are super rare for our family because we have to avoid all forms of radiation when possible.  Even our dentist limits the X-rays for the kids.  I just got off the phone with his doctor... and they will need to do more testing before we have a diagnosis.  Right now it ranges from inflammation to cancer and everywhere in between.  He did remind us that Greg's prior cancer, osteosarcoma, is intense and treatment is extremely intense - so we wouldn't be looking at anything like that.  Phew.  I have spoken with Greg and we will not worry until we have cause to worry.
Another positive - classes begin next week so Greg would be able to change his schedule quite easily if necessary.
When the children left on Tuesday morning I was very sad - more than I expected to be.  I even let Mark know I would begin to save right now for an extended vacation when I became an empty-nester because an empty house will be unbearable. Today I ran into my friend, Gina.  She asked about the kids and I gave her the update.  "No wonder you were so sad when they left!"  The light went on!  Of course I was more upset than usual - I wish that I could be with my son as he undergoes testing and doctor visits!  But who is my Counselor?  From whom do I receive Peace?  The same Source as my son, and all of our family.  Greg will read this and know that his mother has faith and will be praying for him to feel strength.   I am sure that I can add grandparents, sibling and many friends as well.

I Feel His Pleasure & Memories that Matter

   Before Jackie left for college, she had her list of must-do's.  One of them was to watch Chariots of Fire, one of our family's favorite movies.  I love the music, especially when driving through beautiful scenery.  The great thing about that...  you can be a long drive through boring scenery, but put on the Chariots of Fire soundtrack and voila!  Suddenly the scenery is beautiful.  (I discovered this while driving through endless miles of Nebraska.)
   But I digress... Chariots of Fire is set in the 1920's and revolves around Great Britain's Olympic running team.  Eric Liddel is one of the main characters.  His family runs a mission in China and at one point his sister is trying to convince him to stop training and return to China.  He tells her that this is his plan, but not until after the Olympics.  I cannot recall the exact quote but it is something like this,
...he explains his commitment to the mission service but, "God also made me fast, and when I run, I feel his pleasure!"
   I love the line, "I feel his pleasure."  Hopefully everyone has at one time in their life done good deeds, service to family or friends, etc. and known that it pleased God.  You just can't help but be more happy when you follow his commandments, when you put aside your own desires to obey his will --- but when I heard this line last fall, I knew that to feel God's pleasure is even deeper.  Eric Liddel had devoted his life to service, but finding his special gift and using it... this is what he was talking about.
   Everyone must have special gifts, more than talents;  something that is unique to us - something that will somehow enrich our life here on earth.  I began to reflect on my own life - what was there that I could do to feel God's pleasure?   Recently, I heard someone speak on a similar topic.  She said that to recognize our particular gifts we can ask ourselves, "What compliments do I receive that I downplay the most."  Downplay them - not as in false modesty, but because they don't seem like such a big deal; perhaps because they come so naturally?
    Sometimes - those feelings come when we aren't doing anything spectacular.  Sometimes we are just plodding along and happen to find ourselves in one of those experiences that is simple yet significant  
   Anyway, just a few weeks ago I felt a rush of God's pleasure at a most unexpected time!  A family rule states that 12 years old is a good time to stop Trick-or-Treating.   Halloween came -- we had no one under 12 -- we needed a fun activity -- we chose camping.  We watched the weather - it rained, and rained, and rained.   It was cold. Our native northwest children couldn't understand why a little rain would stop us - and so we packed up and headed for the mountains.
   Here's the deal - camping used to be one of my favorite activities.  Then I moved to the country and no longer needed to camp.  In fact, why go to the woods packed-full of other campers when I could sit in my yard and enjoy both nature and solitude... and indoor plumbing.  If Jackie had been home, she and I would have enjoyed a quiet mother-daughter night at home; but she was gone and I had lost my excuse.  Mom was camping.
    What do you know?  October 31 - and we had the campground all to ourselves!

The view was even better
on our night hike.

   Mark and David have a lot of experience camping in the rain and they managed to get a tarp-shelter by the fire for us in the nick of time.  The rain came full force.  The tarp leaked here and there, but we managed to fit almost all of our chairs in a dry spot.   Mark doesn't like to mess with tents, especially in the mud.  He likes to use a pop-up shelter and a cot - so we had a couple of those ready... but the mud!  Across the road from our campsite (#13 in honor of Halloween) was a pavilion.  We scurried over there to eat our foil dinners and play some games - since there was mud under our shelter and cement under the pavilion, we decided to set up cots on the cement.

The dog did NOT sleep with us, she
thought that we were crazy.

   We were dry, but we were so cold.  Nevertheless, as I snuggled down into my cold sleeping bag, my  beanie-capped head on the cold pillow --- it came.  I felt a rush of what I distinctly felt was God's pleasure.  I knew exactly what I was feeling.  We were on a family adventure, making memories that matter.  Not very comfortable, but a family alone in the wilderness laughing about their circumstances - that's good stuff!
  It was a long night, but now we share a story.

Another quick story - We drove to Utah for our annual cancer screenings at The Huntsman Cancer Institute.  A quick visit with our oncologist and geneticist and then a brain MRI and full-body scan MRI for three of the children and Mark.
Results look great - two completely clean, two will need follow-up MRI's for a closer look (the full-body scan is not super clear).  Neither item is of great concern at the moment.  We will not worry until there is a reason to worry...  Natalie saw her neurosurgeon when we got back to town.  He gave her a clean bill of health and a year off from brain MRIs.  Quote from Natalie: "Well, this will be a boring year."
Bring it on!  Boring sounds magnificent....

The Book Whisperer

 

You may have tangible wealth untold;

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.

Richer than I you can never be --

I had a Mother who read to me.

My mother read to me.  She read to us at bedtime and in the car.  My mother's mother read to us also - when we got to Grandma's house she often had a book prepared to read to us while we were there.  (My parents now read books aloud to each other.)  

I transitioned from picture books to "big girl" books over Christmas vacation in the second grade.  I had been excited to check out The Grinch from the school library, but one of my friends asked why I was reading little kid books.  Instead, I read Little House in the Big Woods.  That did it, I was hooked on books.  I am still a big fan of Laura Ingalls!  

In high school I was still reading.  During the summer I loved to lay in the sun and read.  During the winter I was often found sitting by our fireplace reading.  I read while I walked home from school.  One of the hardest parts of college?  Not enough personal reading time.   I was still in college as a newlywed, but after Mark's parents took us to see Les Miserables on stage - I devoured the entire unabridged book that next weekend.  

I graduated from college and Nathan was born a week later.  Four weeks after that I was working full-time.  Reading time was fading, but that was ok.  We subscribed to the Dr. Seuss book club and had thoughtful grandmothers who gave books as gifts to the children.   Nine months pregnant with Jackie, I recall finishing a James Michener novel, The Source.  That was my last "big girl" book for a long time.  Three children - no books... or were there?  It was about this time that I ran across the poem "The Reading Mother" and I wanted to begin to read to the children, not just picture books. 
 I started with an old book that I had - a really old book that I had found at a garage sale.  It was set in Colonial America and had something to do with an Indian attack.  It was torture!   It almost seemed like a punishment to make the boys sit and listen.  What was wrong?  We got through the book, but they were in no hurry to do that again... What to do?  I tried a new strategy... Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl.  There is something about that book.  It is silly, it is magical, and we all wish that we could get a tour of that factory, especially that chocolate waterfall!  

Our favorite books.  The children's
books worth keeping are in the attic
(where these Halloween decorations
belong).  We have given away many
books over the years.

Just like that... we were a reading family.  Reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory each time the youngest child was about 4 or 5 years-old helped them to enter our family reading time.  We read through so many books over the years; how I wish I had kept a list.  A few of my favorite reading memories:

• Harry Potter Clean Up:  This meant that when it was time to clean the room, I would sit in the recliner (usually with a baby), and read a Harry Potter book until it came to an exciting spot.  Then I would close the book and choose a number.  If the number happened to be "4", each child ran and put away 4 items.  Then they would hurry back to listen and we would begin the cycle again.  This only works with action-packed, suspenseful books.
• I remember many nights, after Jackie had gone to sleep, trying to rock little Natalie to sleep, while Nathan and Greg took turns walking with Baby David to try and keep him happy until he had his turn in the rocking chair.  Those big boys were about 9 and 7 and I can see them in their pajamas, walking back and forth - so carefully holding that little baby for me.  I would rock and read.
• Once the boys came home from school and caught me reading ahead in Treasure Island.  They were so disappointed!  We made a rule then and there - No Reading Ahead!  I never, ever broke that rule.  It was more fun to discover stories together.
• When the children were older, I usually had one book going in the girls' bedroom, and another in the boys'.  Sometimes I would put them all to bed and sit and read aloud in the hallway so everyone could hear.

Mark's books.  He likes to keep them
where he can see them.  Many of them
are work related and safe from us.

• All time favorite series:   Little House on the Praire and The Chronicles of Narnia.  We also love Beverly Cleary books, especially if they have Ramona in them.  I like the first four Harry Potter books, but couldn't make it to the end of the series.  
• When we were in the car we always had an audio book going.  This became more difficult when the children began to drive because you really cannot listen if someone is missing.  Both grandparents live 13-14 hours away, so long road trips still mean audio books.  Two years ago The Count of Monte Cristo ran for the entire Spring Break and beyond.
• My children each developed a great attention span - so rare in this world of video games!!

Jackie's nightstand.
Her personal collection.

I often had to stop reading because I began to lose my voice so easily.  I blame this on years of high school cheerleading.  Maybe it was too many books.  Going to bed without a book being read was sad.  Greg's chemotherapy treatments were so disruptive to our schedule that we completely lost the habit.  How sad - but this brings me to The Book Whisperer - my mysterious blog post title...
Last  year my Dad was telling me about something he read/watched regarding the way that schools are killing reading.  By making children stop and analyze everything they read - reading has become a drudgery rather than a pleasure.  I totally agree.  I have homeschooled every child for at least one year - usually around 3rd-5th grade.  I could hardly stand the reading assignments I found for them.  I have often wondered why my children didn't read more often... When I looked for information on my own - I discovered The Book Whisperer...

Natalie's favorites on her
nightstand.  The Book
Whisperer is quickly
expanding her repertoire.

She is a sixth grade teacher who expects her students to read at least 40 books during the school year.  Many of them end up reading 60.  Her lowest every was a young man who read only 24 or 25... considering most of them used to read 3-5 books, these numbers are astounding.  How does she do it?  In a nutshell, she provides them with a wide array of choices, and then expects them to read.  It is that simple.

Kimberly's Christmas list - a
bookshelf nigh stand at the top.

I blogged earlier about now knowing what kind of "program" to use over the summer - (none, we just played), and when school came I still had no ideas.  On the way home from dropping off Jackie I listened to The Book Whisperer (audio book) and realized that this would be a fun program for the family.  I typed up a form for each of us and that is all that it took.  We have very few rules, just make sure to cover the required genres and any book over 350 pages counts as two.
The best part?  Mark and I are required to read!  We are so excited.  Reading has been such a luxury over the years (especially for the one of who doesn't travel and spend hours on airplanes).  Now we have a great excuse to sit on the couch and read.  I really don't know if I can pull off 40 books, but I am having a great time trying!!

Here is a copy of our book whisperer forms....

The Reading Mother 

by Strickland Gillilan

I had a mother who read to me

Sagas of pirates who scoured the sea.

Cutlasses clenched in their yellow teeth;

"Blackbirds" stowed in the hold beneath.

I had a Mother who read me lays

Of ancient and gallant and golden days;

Stories of Marmion and Ivanhoe,

Which every boy has a right to know.

I had a Mother who read me tales

Of Gelert the hound of the hills of Wales,

True to his trust till his tragic death,

Faithfulness lent with his final breath.

I had a Mother who read me the things

That wholesome life to the boy heart brings-

Stories that stir with an upward touch.

Oh, that each mother of boys were such!

You may have tangible wealth untold;

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.

Richer than I you can never be --

I had a Mother who read to me.

Sweet Sorrow & Sisterhood

Parting is such Sweet Sorrow...  Like so many people, I do not like goodbyes.

• I do not like to leave beautiful places I have visited.
• I do not like call an end to a fun evening with friends
• I do not like driving away from Grandma's house.
• ...and I really, really, really do not like parting with my children.

Those are the Sorrows.
They are mixed with the Sweet.

• I love visiting beautiful places and am grateful for the memories.
• I am grateful that I have friends that are fun.
• I am grateful for Grandma(s), Grandpa(s), and family.
• ....and although it means they are growing up and leaving home, I am eternally grateful to be privileged to interact full-time with my children for 18 wonderful years; and so pleased with the good choices that they are now making.

Home away from home

It is different with daughters.  That is what everybody told me and that is what I discovered.  Not better, not worse (maybe worse), just different.  Last month I drove to Rexburg, ID to take Jackie to college at BYUI.  This was my third child to leave for college.  In a nutshell my past experiences were:
Nathan - he was my first and it was awful.  Driving away felt that my heart had been ripped out, torn in pieces, and part of it was being left behind.  I had three other children with me (that helped) and instead of coming home we drove to Grandma's house in Utah for a week.  Back at home it was hard to see the empty chair at the table and I began the challenge of trying to figure out how many places to set.  I was so happy, however, to see him get involved, make friends, get good grades, and have a positive experience.

BYUI campus is beautiful

Greg - this was unique because we had spent the previous year as roommates in the hospital.  For about 3.5 months his bedroom had been our family room.   He wasn't able to work the summer following chemotherapy and spent his time making himself useful around the house.  His departure left quite a void and the table setting was more confusing than ever.  Even so, there was a lot of "sweetness" in his departure because I was so happy to see him regaining his health and being able to interact with his peers.  Despite being told he didn't need to get a job, he was soon working, involved in church responsibilities, and figuring out how to navigate through life.

Jackie left us little notes all over the
house.  Here is the one on David's
bathroom cabinet.

Now for Jackie.  This time it was just the two of us.  Several shelves in her closet had been devoted to "things to take to school" such as dishes, towels, etc., so she was ready.  As usual, we had a fun time together driving the 12 hours to our hotel in Idaho Falls.  We skipped the lines at Olive Garden, got takeout and watched movies in the hotel as we ate and shared each others' dinners.  The first day of Freshman orientation involves the parents and we spent a busy day shopping, moving in, finding classes, etc.  Then that's it... parents are sent away and kids are kept busy.

Sunflowers in September

I tried to think of ways to express my sadness, but I think that it is too personal to be public.  I will just say that I was brave for Jackie, but when she was gone... well, I had to stick around town for awhile before it was safe for me to drive back to Idaho Falls.  Once there in that lonely hotel room, I managed to find even more tears.  Lonely night, lonely breakfast, lonely car ride home - at least lonely 100 miles or so.  Here is something interesting about that ride... on the way to Rexburg, Jackie and I had enjoyed seeing the wild sunflowers blooming along the road.  While in Idaho, they had an unseasonal cold snap and many of the flowers on campus had died.  How fitting that many of the sunflowers were also gone for my sad drive.  About the time I recovered, the sunflowers did as well.

On my mirror - she is worried I
will begin to dress like an old lady

Flashback about 29 years - back to when I was leaving home.  Something began then, and that something was beginning now with Jackie.  It is sisterhood... between mother and daughter.  I have always appreciated that my mother, while not trying to be my "buddy" - has been my friend.  (The buddy comment refers to my young adult years, sometimes older women try to be teens, but this 

is nothing like that.)  She will always be 22 years ahead of me in experience, but she has respected me as a person and been interested in me as an adult.  I honor her as my mother, and I enjoy her as my friend.  

Back to the present - I have 29 years of experience more than Jackie, but she has skills and attributes from which I can learn and benefit.  Together we can accomplish a lot.  Together we bless each others' lives.

Love notes to Mom on
my medicine cabinet

Sweet are the women in my life, especially those with whom I share the bond of sisterhood.  Counting my in-laws I have 2 mothers, 5 sisters, many dear friends, and 3 daughters.  I suspect that these three daughters will be the dearest of them all...

Speaking of daughters, the night I returned home from Rexburg I found this poem waiting for me on my pillow.  It was perfect timing, though I couldn't decide if Jackie was the rock, or was it me?  It is all of us - we are all little rocks - and life's beautiful experiences  - the sorrowful and the sweet - will make us beautiful as well. Natalie wrote this and I have her permission to publish it:

          Little Rock
Little rock you are so small
   and yet the things you've seen
Little rock they pass you by
   no caring where you've been
Little rock you stand so still
   unmoved by wind and rain
Little rock you seem so sad
   and yet you feel no pain
Little rock the wind and rain
   eventually they will move
Little rock just look at you
   the storm has made you smooth

Speaking of Natalie - a quick update:  An MRI and neurosurgeon appointment last month with a clean bill of health.  She was ok'd to participate in contact sports, though I cringe just a little to think of it....  There will be another brain MRI before Thanksgiving when we go to the Huntsman Cancer Institute for our annual screenings, and we will see the surgeon the following week.
               

Adventure Accompanied by Admirable Attitudes

School begins today - my children just left and I am..... working on having a good attitude.  I really, really enjoy summer vacation.  Having my children at home is one of my favorite things, particularly now that I have experienced them leaving home as adults.  Time rushes past much too swiftly.
Last night I was pondering on attitude - I can be told that my daughter needs to have a second brain surgery because they missed the tumor, or that another daughter's surgery would also rescheduled because, after several hours in the operating room, she has undergone a respiratory emergency and it was unsafe to proceed... - I can be told this and be brave and strong and positive.  Yet here I am knowing that our fun summers hours are over... and I crumple.
Not liking to crumple (is that a real word?), I do what I have learned to do each September - embrace the beautiful memories of summer, give thanks for each experience, and turn my face to Autumn.  I actually love Autumn with the crispness in the air, fall color, comfort food, etc.  It may possibly be my favorite season - and since there is nothing I can do to stop its coming - here we go....
On the subject of attitudes, I want to blog about a fantastic group of young women that I have the privilege of working with.  Last month we went on a backpacking trip together and I witnessed some examples of positive attitudes that I believe need to be put down in print.
Our hike followed Siouxon Creek.  Our girls (13 of them) were aged 12 to 16.
Some of our girls were carrying backpacks that were almost as big as they were.  Our campsite was just 4 miles from the trailhead. We stopped a couple times to take off packs and rest. When we were 1 mile away from camp, a couple of the party members were looking very worn out. A few of the older girls notice this, and volunteered to hike the rest of the way, drop their packs, and come back to carry the packs of the other girls. They seemed excited at the prospect of being able to serve, and hurried on their way. The  two extra miles were not a burden. They were all smiles.
We had assigned the girls to "eating" groups of four or five and told them to plan their food together. We were impressed that, after we had set up camp and given them time to swim, we announced that  it was time to eat. Everyone got right into the groups, pumped and boiled water, and ate without any help or problems.  They worked together so well and were so efficient, we had as much fun watching them as they had together.
Long years of storage had taken a toll on some of the girls equipment. One young woman was carrying a pack that broke after the first 3 miles. The plastic holding the straps just popped. We fortunately we were carrying duct tape, and that held it together for the last mile.  We knew that it could not last for the trip home, but the girls came up with a solution. This young lady would take the large pack that one of the smaller girls had been carrying. With a nice pack she would carry her things and most of the other girls things as well. The younger girl was able to carry the broken pack, now tied together with rope. The lighter load made her trip much easier.
Time had also taken a toll on a pair of borrowed hiking boots. Duct tape again saved the day and saw this young woman through the last couple miles, but this solution wouldn't be sustainable. The wearer of the boots had small feet, and luckily we had another young woman with small feet who eagerly shared her extra tennis shoes, leaving her to wade and swim in the rocky creek barefoot. She was also left without a pair of comfortable shoes to replace her boots after our other hiking adventure, but she did not complain.
Siouxon Peak was the destination for our second day. Happily, we would return to our camp and needed only day packs. The day turned out to be much more difficult than anticipated. Our first water crossing was near our camp at Chinook Falls.  Fortunately there was a large fallen log to cross. Unfortunately, right before the log, was some sort of wasp nest. Apparently the first few hikers disturbed the nest and the next several girls were soon screaming and covered with painful stings. We found another way to cross, but it wasn't until days later that we learned just how painful those stings had been - the swelling contined to worsen even after they were home. No complaints!!
Within the first mile we determined that there were a few amongst us that, for medical reasons, should not continue. Three girls and two adults returned to camp and enjoyed a fun day together. They did not miss out on seeing the fantastic Wildcat Falls - they...

... What did they do?  Who knows?  I started writing this on Sept. 8.  It is now Oct 14.  I am well past my melancholy over school starting.  That lasts for about a day... by now I am wishing that school went an hour or two longer each day (haha).  This "good attitude" blog has been hanging over my head, and continues to influence me.  Right now I am experimenting to see if I can maintain a good attitude at the same time as an awful head cold...  I am not doing so well, but better than usual.

A quick hike wrap-up.  Siouxon Peak was spectacular and worth the effort.. but it was quite an effort. It turned out to be longer than the 8 miles we had anticipated.  After a long, steep ascent, we had gone downhill for quite awhile and and were surprised (and dismayed) to learn that our trail still had another peak to summit with a much-worse descent to follow.  We thought we would be back to camp with time to swim before dinner; instead we stumbled in to camp just before dark - where we found that our stay-in-camp girls had pumped plenty of water so that we could make our dinners quickly (bless them).
A couple highlights to remember:
Prior to the second group leaving for camp, we realized that our trail was turning and that the faint sounds of water somewhere down below us would be the last water of the day.  Three girls joined our two men - they gathered all of our water bottles (we had each carried 2) and headed down that steep incline.  We could not see them or the water - the rest of us enjoyed a nice break until they returned.  I wonder how many of us recall what these three girls did for us!  We would have been in bad shape without that replenishment.
At one point part of the mountain had washed away.  It was very steep and just loose sand/gravel.  Mark made it across and then was able to stretch a stick that we could each grab to help us.  My palms are sweaty with the memory.  His strength and the girls' encouragement gave each of us confidence.
A word about the summit - there are two view areas.  These are precious in the northwest because trees usually block the view.  We sat on our first stop and admired three volcanoes at once!  (Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Adams, and Mt. Rainier)  There was a gentle breeze and it was so silent, so still... mountain peaks can be sacred, and this was one of those moments.  We sat for a long time, and the girls were reluctant to leave.  It was one of those moments that they will always remember and cherish.  What a treat to head out and find the other viewpoint.  Mt. Hood was added to our list of visible volcanoes - wow!  It was just as fantastic.  Here there was more room to walk and play - not quite as sacred, more like sensational.  Worth every moment of hiking!

Triumphant!

The hike back to the cars seemed so easy.  Several of the young women mentioned to me how much easier it was to go out.  We were all tired and many of us were hurting from the day before, but what made the difference?  In contrast to our first day - we knew that we could do hard things!  We had new-found confidence.  We had also spent three days surrounded by others who were happy, helpful, and expressing a good attitude about whatever they encountered.  I think that these attitudes are contagious and invigorating.

Kia Kaha - Forever Strong!
(that's us!)

That next Sunday I was asked to speak in church along with one of our young women who had been on the hike.  She was getting nervous and I whispered to her, "You hiked that mountain.  You can do this."  Her reply, "I would rather hike that mountain!"
So would I.

My hammock - hard to leave
such a beautiful campsite!

80 mph - Do It Right the First Time

80 miles per hour... the best part about driving through southern Idaho.  My dream-come-true speed limit; I used to wonder why I would pass cars going so slowly when they didn't have to.  Last Friday I was one of them...
Before my tale of woe, I must first go back to my earlier drive through Idaho - a week ago... I have learned to see great beauty in southern Idaho.  Twenty years ago I thought it was about the most bleak spot I had ever seen, but in my quest to see beauty in all things a miracle has occurred.  I have learned to enjoy the beauty offered through all of that wide open desert, I like the mountains and the way the light plays off them during different times of day, I like the farmland, I like that I once saw a moose walking along the freeway, but mostly I like legally driving 80 mph.  Last week I was driving along enjoying this landscape and I suddenly felt a jolt as I realized I had published an incomplete blog about "incredible women" - no doubt leaving off dozens and dozens of my friends and acquaintances - I left off one of my all time favorite and influential women!  
I hope that Heather is reading this and knowing that I not only remembered her, I thought of her all week.  Heather is the most social person I have ever known... we cannot have a conversation together without her having some sort of connection to almost any other person (from just about any other place) that I might mention.  Hers is truly a magnetic personality.... I was immediately drawn to her and if we are in the same room, I want to be at her elbow; hearing and participating in all of her conversations.  She is positive, upbeat, intelligent, amusing and very kind - also incredibly organized.  I could honestly use a little more time with her so that her influence could rub off on me a bit more.  We used to live close - I had two little boys and she had two little girls - and we would all get together to play as much as we could.  She would get take-out and I would bring peanut butter and jam.  She loves to clean and I love to cook.  We are a good pair - I see her rarely now, but each time I do we pick up right where we left off and I leave a better person.

At least we found some
shade in WalMart parking lot

Now, back to Idaho driving... Last Friday I left Payson, UT to drive to Rexburg, ID and pick up Natalie and her friend, Kandra, from AFY (Adventures for Youth).  We were happily driving along (at 82 mph) when there was a terrible explosion.  We all felt that we had been shot.  Small, black particles were flying off the back of my car and I quickly pulled over.  Our car carrier was untouched and I could not imagine what had made that horrid sound - the children suggested that I check the sunroof.  Sure enough, it had shattered and broken.
Sidenote - this same thing happened a year or two ago when the kids were driving.  Like me, they were in the middle of a freeway with no overpass, trees, etc. - no reason for anything to land and shatter it.  Fortunately for them it only shattered and remained that way for weeks until it was replaced.  I am left to wonder if there is a structural problem with Toyota Sienna sunroofs?
We were now in a bit of a wind tunnel and I drove slowly to the next offramp - Blackfoot, ID - where we found a Walmart.  Planning to buy plastic and duct tape, I was pleased to pull up near a car that was missing a window.  I saw that they had a piece of thin board inside their plastic... so my female ingenuity began to kick in.  We purchased a set of three silicone cutting mats, contact paper and duct tape (the paper and tape were white to match the car).  David and I did a pretty decent job fixing it all up, and we left the parking lot with a giant bandaid on top of our car.

Catching broken glass
with a blanket

We were so grateful that we
had it closed from the interior.

Our goal was Boise (five hours away) and we were confident that there would still be time to swim.  As we drove, however, we realized that our problem was worse than anticipated.  The noise was deafening and like nothing we had ever heard.  We pulled off on several other obscure off ramps to make slight adjustments (such as spreading a blanket under the inner opening of the sunroof to let all of the loose glass spill out).  Even with the loose glass gone it was so loud - with the stereo at full volume we could not hear our audio book.  Finally, I thought back to each step that we had taken in our repair and I remembered that, as we removed the paper-backing from our first sheet of contact paper, the backing had torn and we had used it anyway.  This meant that right in the center, right under the car carrier... we had a small area that would allow air to enter from behind.  We tried to put more duct tape in the area, but our hands just could not fit under the car carrier well enough.  We decided to move our hotel reservation to Twin Falls and drive those last 90 miles at a nice, slow pace so that we could hear ourselves think.
I should mention one other "quick-fix" that we employed.  Grandma had sent the kids with a box of Froot Loops.  Emptying it out, we replaced the contents with a sweatshirt and pillowcase and closed it between the outside contact paper layer and the inside cover.  I have to admit that we stuffed pretzel rolls along the sides... It sounds silly, but it did muffle the wind.
Now that I could think, I realized that, although our repair was a fabulous idea, it would never work well unless we removed the car carrier and properly taped those few inches correctly.  The problem

Who knew Froot Loops
could be good for something?

Several weeks later...
...the "problem" was that I hit the ground running, have had very little time on the computer, and got bored with my little story.  Here are the details...
We stopped at a hotel in Twin Falls... I checked in and, although everyone was anxious to go swimming, we first took off the car carrier, sent David and Kimberly to a nearby store for more duct tape, taped everything securely and hoped for the best.
This is my favorite part of the evening:  We didn't take the car carrier all of the way off, just  nudged it and balanced it on the back of the van.  As we worked with the duct tape, a couple from Portland came and asked if they could please help us.  They had some cord in the car they wanted us to use... they thought that we were using the tape to hold the car carrier on!  We all had a good laugh together. Nice people.
End of story:  We were able to drive the 9 hours home at full speed and with no indication that there was anything wrong.

Not messing around this time!
we covered most of it with
the rest of the white contact
paper - it is still like that!

Life lesson:  Do it right the first time.  I learn this over and over again.  It is usually one of those things where I have to step back, take a deep breath, and do that little extra bit of work which will invariable save me so much in the long run.  It always feels good.  It never feels good to have to go back and start over...
This little adventure of mine takes both sides of the life lesson... I tried to fix it the best way I knew how.  I drove for quite awhile and tried several things before I realized what the real problem was.  I could have pulled over to remove the carrier and do it right, but I didn't want to do this on the side of the freeway, and we only had a little bit of tape left, so I would have had to do it twice... I was prepared to drive slowly to Boise, but made the right choice to change our reservation, let the kids swim, and just have a couple of extra hours to drive the next day...
Nevertheless, it is a good lesson.  Do it right the first time... or at least the very best that you can!

Wonderful Women - The (real) Incredibles

Last night's sleep started too late, ended too early and was ridiculously inconsistent in-between.  I really dislike those kind of nights.
It ended early because of a few drops of rain.  I actually prefer to get up around 6:00, but only when I go to bed on time - so I was trying to sleep in today.  I heard those unforecasted drops of rain and bolted upright - we are having a flagstone patio installed and they have layered gravel, sand and then a small layer of cement which must not get wet - I wasn't sure if I should run out in my pajamas and try to cover the area with a tarp?  When had the rain started?  Would there be more?  I really didn't want to do this and was relieved to hear cars pull up nice and early to work.  They would know what to do with wet cement and I was glad to be awake and have the day ahead of me.
Inconsistent sleep - I am blaming it on cheap pizza.  I really don't eat fast food.  Especially not cheap fast food.  First of all, it is always hard for me to eat out - so many years with such a tight budget... I tend to look at menu prices and calculate how many gallons of milk I could be buying... If I am going to spend the money, I want the food to be worth it.  {Last week, during my "weary" days, we had to get take-out because there wasn't going to be any cooking and cold cereal didn't sound too great.  My two companions weren't exactly mobile....  I was, however, choosy - beef brisket sandwiches from Costco, thin-crust wood-fire-baked pizza with pear and gorgonzola.  Yummy!}  Last night we had a houseful of girls here to watch a movie, so we had a pile of "affordable" pizzas.  These don't tempt me, yet at the end of the evening I broke off some crust and will say that it was quite tasty - but in the middle of the night... ugh! there was that sick feeling telling me that I am just too old for that sort of thing.

Side note - as I type here in the quiet morning there was a flash of lightning and clap of thunder that was deep and long - few things bring me more joy.  I was raised in the Rocky Mountains and LOVE thunder and lightning.  Here in the northwest we get more rain than we know what to do with - but we get thunder/lightning only once or twice a year.  There was some faint thunder earlier - and I am sitting here wishing for more....

Sleep was late in starting for two reasons.  First of all were those wonderful, full-of-life movie watchers.  They did not stay late, but after they left our family was still full-of-life and we had a lot to talk about.  I am keenly aware that Greg will be gone in just two days and Jackie in just a number of weeks; so staying up to talk and laugh - these moments are too precious.  When we did get to bed I began to think - this is always my downfall in the night.  It is hard to shut of those thoughts - especially when they are pleasant.
...Last night I was thinking about women who have influenced my life.  There are so many of them - and their influence is so varied.
Initially I was just contemplating womanhood in general.  Women are incredibly complex, incredibly strong, incredibly incredible.  Equal to men in every way - equal to create a perfect balance.  Equal does not mean the same.  I am sorry for women who try to be men - this throws off that balance and ends up weakening both sexes.  Men with their cut & dry decision making, women with their multidimensional decision making - so different in so many ways.  The world needs it both ways.

My mom and me -
caring for me in every way.

I really like men also (one in particular!!).  My husband, my father, my brother, my father-in-law... this morning I was thinking of how they have had an impact on my life.   When it comes to women, I they also have an "impact" - but the word that fits women even better is "influence".   A woman's ability to influence the lives of so many, and thus impact the world... it is an incredible gift.  (I am liking the word incredible.)
Keeping me awake last night was a list of women who have come in and out of my life - and I began to think of specific roles that they have played.  I am now going to make this list, though it will be incomplete - these are the individuals who popped into my mind.  Their influences are greater than I can say, but I want to just make a short list - for my own records at least:

Lori & I with our new babies.  Her
first (Noah) and my third (Jackie).

HOME:  My mother - it would be ridiculous to try and keep short the influence that a mother has on a daughter - but, in a nutshell, Mom taught me to have faith.  She has a simple but strong faith in our Heavenly Father and showed us the way to have the same.  She is also cheerful, friendly and loving to everyone - it comes naturally to her and I would have to work all of my life to begin to brighten a room like she does.
My sister - even more ridiculous would be to try and describe the role of my sister - she is like an extension of me.  I love and adore her.  Lori is all goodness - when we were young I would resent this.  Think of the Little House on the Prairie books - she was like Mary... the well-behaved, pretty sister full of goodness, while I was like Laura - a bit more adventurous with a tendency to get dirty and find some sort of trouble.  It used to seem that my mom would try out every hideous hair-cut she could think of on my plain brown hair, while Lori was allowed to have straight, beautiful, blond hair.  Haha, but I am not bitter, haha...  Seriously, it was fun when she got old enough to play dolls with me.. and she was young enough to boss around.  I still boss her around for fun - and she laughs, calls me bossy and does whatever she pleases (the nerve!).   I love her deeply.  Lori fills the role of being the woman/friend I rely on whole-heartedly to help, to listen, to advise, to support, to laugh, to always... ALWAYS be there for me!

Jenn and I at Senior Awards Banquet

HIGH SCHOOL:  Jennifer - we went to a small high school where we all interacted with each other  in some way, but Jenn was my always my best friend.  We even vacationed together.  Her greatest influence - learning how to be a good friend and giving love and support.  What a blessing to have such a friend during the high school years (no drama!).  At 17 she had leadership skills that I am still trying to match.
COLLEGE:  Three roommates stand out as some of my all-time most influential women ever!
Stephanie - what a pair we made!  We balanced each other so well - we both contributed to each other in positive ways, while helping each other knock off those rough edges.
Dyla - the epitome of goodness.  Her loving acceptance of others, her tendency to look for the good in a situation - I hope that they wore off on me as much as I wanted them to.

Watching Dyla - probably Thanksgiving
which I usually ate at her house in SLC

Roommates!
Pam, Me, Steph, Dyla

Pam - only Pam knows the depth of our discussions and the help we gave to each other during our freshman year.  One thing in particular - she had a religion professor who challenged them to time their prayers and try to pray for at least 20 minutes each evening.  Since we shared a room I was swept along in her challenge... anyone reading this should try it for a week - I think I should also.  Therein lies a whole new dimension to prayer!
OREGON:  Now I can get myself into trouble - faces swim past me and I know that this list is super-long, but I will have to limit it to a few specific friends.

Me & Nina touring Pittock
Mansion with our girls
(in matching shoes!)

Nina - Ah, Nina - she is a blog entry all by herself.  I am always shocked to hear her say that I have been an influence in her life when... duh... she has influenced me deeply and in such a variety of ways.  Her strengths have lifted me to new heights and her boundless energy and ideas - well, I can only try to keep up... but I am glad that I try because our life here at home has been enriched.  She is truly my sister-friend... we go to a conference with 2,000 other women, yet we are the two that show up in the exact same jacket.  We build our homes over an hour away from each other - with a few years in between - but using the same builder... and we still laugh about the man who did the finish work asking Nina if she has a sister who lives in Washington - same style with same budget considerations.  Then there was the time that we drove in caravan-style with our kids and a few extras to a youth camp in Idaho.  Another young man that we were taking marveled as we stopped to eat at rest areas - "Are you two sisters?" - we had packed essentially the same food for breakfast, snacks, and lunch - and both seemed quite content to unload our kids to eat on the grass beside the gas station.  No way would either of us have spent our money on fast-food.  What a blessing to have a friend like this - our similarities and influences go much deeper, but that is entirely its own topic.
I will have to keep this shorter now -
Teri - Another sister-friend.  Greatest influence on my life?  She showed me what it means to be a fun mom who thoroughly enjoys her children.  Priceless - utterly priceless!!!
Sarah - Two things - I naturally love to bake, and here Sarah leaves me in the dust - but helped me to see how this hobby can be used for good.  Sarah also gives, and gives, and gives - seemingly tireless in her service to others.
Nedra - Another friend who adores her children at a higher level than most - Her youngest (of 7) is the same age as my oldest (of 6) so I used to "sit at her knee" and drink in her wisdom.  Like all of us, she has known some tough times... yet always serving others and brightening their day with her cheerfulness.

Back to roommates - just to
enjoy the 80's hair!

Eileen - How to describe Eileen?  She is the big sister I never had - when I first moved to Oregon I would watch her and wonder how I could develop a countenance that she had so naturally.  She is beautiful inside and out.  Our birthdays are ten years and one week apart - so we get together at least once a year - and I am still left wondering why I have to be so feisty when she is so patient, loving and serene.  I always think... maybe ten years from now I can be more like her... then another ten years pass and she is still so far ahead...
WASHINGTON:
I still live here, so these women are influencing me in real time... I had better refrain from using names:
My sweet friend that I see about once a month is one of those ladies that quietly adores and serves her family - her children are grown up and still close.  I can see the benefit of a mother who takes her job seriously.
How about my business executive/hunting & fishing friend - I have only one of these, and I enjoy her showing me how a woman can be smart, adventurous and still beautiful.
My two dear hispanic friends... the funny and feisty woman who always makes me laugh and the other is a powerhouse of a mother - she and I share many of the same thoughts when it comes to deep matters - so I am always happy to hear her opinions.  More smiles - great women!

BYU Graduation
Me, Karin, Jenn, Kathy

I have a friend here that is one of the most reliable, helpful and unselfish woman I have ever known... she is pack-full of traits I would like to emulate.
Then there is my dear friend who is currently joining me in cancer-weariness.  We wouldn't wish it on one another, but we are glad to have a friend who understands.  She is someone like my mom who lights up any room she enters.  How often have I asked a child if they want to join me in an activity and the kids want to know if so-and-so will be there, because she is just that fun to be with!

Kim and I hiking in southern Utah

There they are - I made myself limit my current influences to just five - but I can hardly type for thinking of this sea of friendly faces swimming before me - I picture walking in to church tomorrow and who I might see - every one of them is a part of  my life.   Then I start to think of the nursing students I loved (Karin, Jenn), or the friends we had when we were young married students (Kim, Laura, Julie)...

Sisters-in-law at Multonomah Falls
Nancy, Me, Brenda

I had better include my extended family!  My mother-in-law is a good woman who gave me the eternal gift of a wonderful man that she raised and trained.  I dearly love my sisters-in-law!  Mark's brothers all did a great job at choosing wives!  They are all talented, fun and thoughtful and I have learned much from watching them over the years.

Another sister-in-law
Kayleen & me in Germany

The names and faces seem endless.  I have taken a day off between starting and completing this blog entry and the topic has hardly left my mind.  I am just intrigued as I ponder the influence we have on one another.  Always watching - learning from successes and mistakes, trying to be like someone, trying to never be like someone else, having my day brightened by a kind word and learning to pay it forward...  I wonder if we are aware of the lives that we touch everyday.
I have SO MUCH to say about this - I will probably say more about it, and then say it again.
I have left my three FAVORITE women for last:  Jackie, Natalie and Kimberly.  I have known them here on Earth for less time than I have known almost every other aforementioned woman - yet they have had the great influence.  They have helped to refine me as a person - as I learn to give and serve.  There is so much I want to teach - so much I want them to know.  As I think of the example I want to be to them, I have to be a better person than I have ever been before.  Yet, with all of my teaching and example-setting... it seems to work out, again and again, that they are the teachers.  I am learning from them every day.  They are better than I ever was at their age.  They are more talented, more intelligent and more spiritual.

I saved the BEST for last!
Jackie, Natalie, Kimberly hiking
at Mt. Adams

This has been a fun exercise - I am wondering how it would be to get a spiral notebook and just start listing names of people I know and a few memories to go along with them.  What about that girl in first grade that laughed at me when I read the word "old" instead of "odd".  It hurt my feelings, yet made me determined to work harder at school and not be laughed at again... Or that same year I had a friend who taught me to cross the monkey-bars.  Monkey-bar-talent was a real boost in self-esteem at that age.  Making that list would take a lifetime.
 I wonder whose lists I would be on?   I hope that their memories of me would be positive.  What if everyone had the goal to be a positive influence for others?  Wouldn't life be pleasant?