Working On My Quality

How was your day?......... Better!

What did you do? ............. I worked on my quality!

A few weeks ago I heard a woman speak of her 30-something son who has Downs Syndrome.  For 16 years he has worked at a steakhouse clearing tables and doing dishes.  Each day she goes to pick him up from work and each day they have the same conversation.  She asks how was his day and he replies, "Better!"  An inquiry into how he spent his day brings the same reply every time, "I worked on my quality!"

These responses stole my heart and have been in my thoughts ever since.  How often has my day been better than the day before?  Often enough... but what if it were consistently Better?  What if every day was better than the day before?  Granted, there are many things outside of my control which affect my day - but for the most part I am in control of what I do and how I react to situations.  In almost every way I am better than I was ten years ago... but if I could learn to work on this day by day - where will I be ten years from now?

I could work on being better in my family relationships, how I spend my free time, cooking & cleaning, coupon clipping, writing thank-you notes, smiling, keeping contact with friends,  exercising, reading, memorizing, sharing... blah, blah, blah.  Well, I could be overwhelmed and drive myself crazy and get discouraged trying to get better in everything.  Or I could not even try and just stagnate and feel even worse... 

This is where I really like the second response.  Working on my quality!  I can do this!  Instead of making a list of everything that needs to be better about my life (and feeling crazy and discouraged), I could just think about improving my quality of whatever it is I am doing when the thought comes to my mind.  If I could manage to think about it even once a day - improving my quality in that one instance ... well, I should be able to report that my day had gone "better" - and ten years from now I will have learned to seek for "quality" and find that every aspect of my life is "better". 

Good plan... 

Cancer checkup - Natalie had her MRIs and received a clean bill of health.  Jacqueline also had her MRIs and though there is some suspicious activity we are hopeful that nothing is cancerous.  Of course she is a missionary and so I was unable to be with her, but the doctors are not concerned at present.  Greg is happy to have a summer without chemotherapy and is recovering from over 30 stitches he received a couple weeks ago when they removed a few moles.  Only one mole proved to be undesirable, but they cleared all margins and he's doing great.  David and Mark will have their tests in July.  My one photo today is Kimberly - she doesn't have Li Fraumeni but we were still relieved when her pathology report came back clean.  About a month ago she had a painful cyst removed from her ear canal.  Aside from eardrops and a no-swim order, we were relatively unaffected.  Nevertheless, sending her into the operating room brought back many memories.  Fortunately I am well skilled at diverting myself - Nevertheless, it would seem that my children cannot go into surgery without some sort of excitement.  In Kimberly's case, after about 20 minutes, the electricity went off!  The generator kicked right on, but I was immediately aware that she was laying there under anesthesia and beyond my reach.  I was glad to get her home again.  As for Kimberly, she was thrilled to be able to report to her siblings that she had joined their "surgery" club.  They were not too sure that 30 minutes or so working on her ear "counts" - her lesion was "unremarkable" and her scar doesn't exactly give her bragging rights around here, but as the mom,  I'll take it any day!

Melancholy in Texas

Melancholy.
  I want to call my sister, but then I would cry.  Or she would cry.  I know my mom would cry. Sadness, no - not sadness.  I am not sad, I am actually feeling quite peaceful and content.
I just came home from a worldwide broadcast.  I am a member of the oldest and largest women's organization on the planet.  The Relief Society of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  It is a marvelous organization - supporting women in all of our many roles, promoting literacy and education, providing all levels of service around the world and next door...
Twice a year we have a worldwide broadcast.   Tonight was my first in Texas.  I know that my sisters, mothers, daughters and friends... scattered as we are... we all hearing the same inspiring instruction.

Sister Farewell 2015

I was reflecting on my first broadcast in Washington.  It was the end of September 2001, Jackie had just turned five years old and I brought her along because I had lived there just under three months and didn't really know anyone.  I remember spotting a few women I knew, but they were busy with one another.   Instead I spoke to complete strangers and knew it would get better.
September 2015 ... I was out of town and listened to the broadcast with my daughters.  I was relieved because I knew I would have been sad to join in with my many friends for the last time.  When my sister moved to Washington we used to take turns attending one another's buildings.   There was always a friend to invite - and then go out to eat with later.  Always, I could look around and find a room full of women that I love.

Farewell to Oregon Nov 2015

I have been here just over three months.  I am new and I find myself older and quite content to watch the women interacting - all without feeling lonely.  I am happy to see friends greeting each other.  Tonight I had friends as well.    I have met some of the most amazing women, it is a privilege to know them.  I know that it is just a matter of time before I can look around and find a room full of friends again.

Nov 2015 -  Farewell to Washington

Yesterday there was no school and I needed an adventure.  David, Kimberly and I headed out to explore and ended up in Palestine, TX.  There is Dogwood festival and we saw some of the most beautiful country!  We saw rhododendrons in bloom - evergreen trees - hills - I loved it.  I also loved the flat open country as we drew closer to Dallas.  So much sky - and Sunshine!  As I drove I contemplated how I could love this country so soon, especially when it is so different from my beloved northwest.
Why would I question it?  I have a deep love for many areas of this country.  Who would have thought I would ever be grateful for moving around as a child?
1991 - Nathan was born and I didn't know that I could ever love another human being as much as I loved him... then the children kept coming and the love kept growing.  I guess it is the same with places that we live.  They are all different, but we can love them all.
And friends.  I love so many friends... from high school, college, California, Oregon, Washington, and now it begins in Texas.
This must be one of Life's greatest (and sweetest) lessons.

Feb 2016 -
Welcome to Texas

Ok - as I speak of Texas... this is all in spite of the fact that, although it is a clear, warm night--- it sounds like a hailstorm outside.  This is because these rather repulsive flying beetles of some sort of bombarding it trying to get to my light.  I hope they hit it so hard that they die... there must be thousands of them and I find it more than a little nauseating... I think I saw their larvae in the ground while digging in my yard the other day.  They fell off my car when we  parked in the garage tonight.  Ummmmm, this is going to take some getting used to...

Melancholy.....

Blee & the Eagles

Someone recently reminded me that the stress of moving is equivalent to having a death in the family.  This helps explain why I am living in slow motion - I think I am still recovering from those last crazy weeks.  Most of this was my own fault - I wanted to see and spend time with everyone that I loved... and I couldn't leave town without painting my friend's kitchen cabinets, or any number of other projects which I felt driven to accomplish.

One of my all-time favorite photos!

  One big one - David's Court of Honor.  He had earned his Eagle Scout Award several months before, and he was just waiting for his best friend to complete his paperwork so that they could celebrate together.   Looking at the calendar one day we realized it would probably not be possible --- but never say that to my friend Heidi, she pulled out all the stops and her son began making phone calls.  Thanks to many helpful people, he completed his paperwork.
  Time was up - we were moving - but... Heidi and I both don't like to be told we cannot do something that we really want to do - and so... on the first day of moving we asked our movers to leave early so that we could all go down to the church and celebrate the hard work of these two Eagle Scouts.

New Years Day hike along
Columbia River

  That evening was even sweeter than we had anticipated because Kimberly had also been working hard.  She had earned her Young Woman's Medallion and so we were able to add her to the program.  Having spent so many childhood years together, it was fitting that we celebrate together as well, especially on our last night in town.
  For anyone who knows these kids - take a minute (or 6) and watch the cute video that Natalie put together (quickly before we packed the computer).  You can watch them grow up before your eyes.  My favorite part is watching David and Kimberly together - they have such a sweet brother/sister relationship.  See how his arm is always around her, protecting her like a big brother should.  Also notice how they are usually playing outdoors - it's not secret that this is where I like to see my kids.  (Blee is what David called Kimberly when they were babies and he couldn't pronounce her name.  Almost 14 years later it seems to have stuck.)  click here: Eagle/Medallion Slide Show

There were Three Musketeers, why
can't I find the photo with Sheadan?

Serving Mom and Dad
an anniversary dinner

  Kimberly's Young Woman Medallion, or Young Woman Recognition Award, is something to be proud of.  It is something that the girls at church begin to work on when they are 12.  In the past they had to finish it by the time they were 18, but it is now open to all women.  I earned one when Jackie earned hers, and again with Kimberly.  I thought I would try to get three with my three girls, but I managed two with an Honor Bee - so I am aware of how much work these can take.  I want to briefly explain what this award entails.
There are 8 "Values" that the girls learn about and incorporate into their lives.  These are:

• Faith ~ learning to trust in our Savior, Jesus Christ
• Divine Nature ~ we are all daughters of God
• Individual Worth ~ each of us is very important to our Lord
• Knowledge ~ we must participate in learning at every level
• Choice & Accountability ~ we are free to make choices but must accept consequences
• Good Works ~ service to others brings joy to everyone
• Integrity ~ we must be as good as our word
• Virtue ~ our thoughts/behavior must be based on high moral standards

Another road trip

With each of these values, the girls must complete six "experiences" and a 10 hour project.  Experiences include a wide range of activities, studying, service, learning/teaching, etc.  Completing eight 10-hour projects is very impressive.   The entire program is called Personal Progress and it is aptly named.  My sister told me that she is never a better person than when she is actively working on her Personal Progress.    Just like a grown man who has earned his Eagle Scout award will almost always stand out, so will a woman who has taken the time to develop her mind, her talents, her spirit and learned to care for others through Personal Progress.  The Honor Bee I mentioned is an additional award that is available to girls and women who have completed Personal Progress - it has several requirements which include 40 hours of service.

Holding hands along the way

So today I am just celebrating Young Women and Scouts and my children and brothers who put their arms around their sisters and playing outdoors and friends who help you pull off big events on the day you move away and that I managed to bake 90+ rolls for a dinner tonight and none of them burned and my husband's trip next week just got shortened by a day and that I can see my trash can blew over but didn't spill and... that there is always something to smile about!

Nathan and Greg are both Eagle Scouts
(They set this goal at a young age)

AND everyone celebrate that at this very moment - 1,000+ miles away, Greg is having his chemotherapy port removed!  That means that he is over 6 months post chemo and cancer-free!  Let's keep it that way!  He's happy because it has added another port to his collection.  I am thinking that two is a large enough collection!

Lifetime of Love

  "It's ok Mom, we know you love us!"  Kimberly, my 13 yr-old, was assuring me that she didn't mind that I had forgotten to put the red food coloring into our traditional Valentines Day breakfast.  Pink milk, pink, heart-shaped pancakes and pink buttermilk syrup are the usual fare.  Before church on Sunday I hurried to  prepare pancakes, buttermilk syrup and milk... it wasn't until we were almost done with breakfast that I realized that the pancakes were round and that nothing was pink.
  I knew it wasn't a big deal, but Kimberly's reassurance reminded me that there are so many little things we do that does express love.  Words are important.  Hugs are important.  Kindness is important.  Service is important.    Fun holiday traditions are good too, but sometimes don't mix well with getting to church on time....

   My friend recently told me of a lady she knows that has decided that when her children reach a certain age, she will no longer express her love for them through words or hugs.  Apparently they will no longer need those things.?? Well... I do not know what age that would be... I am nearing the half-century mark and I still need and expect this from my parents.  It breaks my heart to hear of such a parenting theory and I am grateful that my parents loved us children so completely - and expressed it in word and deed.

Well, here we are.  This photo was already
on my blog, so I probably wrote about
Dad on his last birthday also.  Oh well,
Happy Birthday Dad!!

Dad in high school

  Yesterday my dad turned 75!  How did that happen?  Isn't he in his 30's, patiently showing me how to tie my shoe and encouraging me as I learn to roller skate?  He is pushing us on the swings... giving us a "run-under" so that we can swing higher than the birds.  Now we are hiking on the California coast and he is stopping to break off leaves of various shrubs, smell them and tell us about that particular plant. He is full of boyhood stories of similar times spent hiking these same trails.  I'm in high school and he patiently helps me understand how to solve a word problem in Algebra.  Years before he
helped me learn to write an essay.   He is in his late 40's and driving me home from college for the summer, teaching me that deserts are beautiful, that all of the world is full of beauty if we will just look for it.  For a couple years my summer job is at his firm and we occasionally drive into the hills to eat our lunch, enjoying the views while eating peanut butter sandwiches together.  He is in his early 50's and I have just had my first baby boy.  He thinks he is alone with the baby and doesn't know I am watching him as he coos and makes nonsense sounds - have I ever loved him more?  He enters his 60's.  We both love photographs, stories, and family history.  We both want to be always outdoors, always breathing fresh air, tending plants and enjoying quiet moments.  I realize he is the most intelligent person of my acquaintance.  I try to practice what he preaches... if you think something is unpleasant - change your attitude and suddenly it is enjoyable (he is better at that than I am).

I am in Junior High School -
and I knew my parents loved me!

  So now he is 75 - I talked to him on the phone yesterday.  He had just come out of the theatre - they had gone to see the new Star Wars.  It was a bit emotional.  Why?  Almost 40 years ago we watched the original Star Wars together.  First our entire family went - we had been anxiously awaiting its release.  Then... wonder of wonders... Dad took my brother and I back again the next night.  And the next!  Although money was always tight - we saw that movie three times (or was it four?) in one week.  One memory is burned into our brains and our hearts - as we drove home our car became an X-wing fighter.  He put it into warp speed and we bravely battled the tie-fighters the whole way home particularly around that one corner near the 7-2-11.  All of these years later we remember it, we smile and we know that we love each other.

November 2014
Daddy-Daughter snapshot.
A lifetime of love!!

  "I love you"  "I love you too"
  Of course that is how we end all of our phone calls... and we mean it.  I expect to hear it, and I want to hear it.  Yet without it, I would still know.  My entire life I have known.  I knew my parents wanted to be parents.  I knew they loved being parents.  I knew they loved me.  When my dad speaks of having us all together as a young family he tears up.  They are the best of times.

  I love my family.  I love my parents.  Even more, I love being a parent.  I adore my children.  I will always tell them, and I hope that I always show them.  I hope that my entire life reflects the deep feelings I have for motherhood.  What memories will they have of me on my 75th birthday?

Alternative Ending:
  I don't want to conclude there - because I have never doubted that my father loves me, I have never doubted that my Heavenly Father loves me.  Because I have experienced the deep love that I feel for my children and they cannot yet comprehend, I know that my Heavenly Father loves me with a depth that I cannot yet comprehend.  I cannot grasp it, but I am learning to trust it.  I am one of countless children and he loves us all.  How I wish I could share what I know with everyone.  I am just one person, one daughter.  I can do my best to share this love with my children, and they in turn can learn to share it with their children.  It can filter out through our home and our lives to our friends and to those with whom we interact.  We can make a difference!  Our Father would want us to!