GIFT - Part 2

My poor, neglected blog...
I have not written for several months - or so it would appear.  Actually, I wrote a draft to follow up on my last entry on the topic:"Gift,"  This draft seems to have disappeared into cyberspace and somehow I don't feel like I can move on without addressing this topic one more time... yet my head is full of experiences and thoughts regarding Loving and Laughing and Learning while I live my Life.  I want to get them recorded, so here are a few more thoughts on "Gift" so that I can move on...

It was mid-June and we were only days away from closing escrow on our home in Washington.  A Gift came our way in the form of a disaster... a man who owns the 18 acres adjoining our 5 acres delivered this gift to our title company who then informed us.  It was a spurious lawsuit contesting a 5-10 foot section of property as well as several lies and false accusations.  We were stunned.  We agreed to a quick settlement - feeling rather sick because the lawsuit was so ridiculous... yet we wanted to complete the sale.  Unfortunately, the buyers freaked out and went looking elsewhere.  Fortunately we had only agreed to settle if the sale went through.  With a multitude of damages, we reluctantly filed a countersuit.  Ugh.

We were back at square one - the house back on the market, plenty of debt, and up to our eyeballs in legal issues.  Not where we wanted to be... and yet....

Experience has taught me that trials can help us to grow.  Trials can make us better people.  Trials can be a GIFT.  I took a breath and began to try to be grateful for this Gift and find the good.

I didn't have to look very far.  Within a week I felt that my marriage was stronger than ever.  My relationship with the Lord was more dear.  We had a fresh perspective on a number of things including our future and LIFE in general.
 Almost immediately I was able to use this "Gift" and this Washington property to bless the lives of family, friends and neighbors in completely different but very tangible ways.  All of these things brought me such joy - I see that I would not have wanted to miss these opportunities.
My gratitude for our Gift situation has become more sincere.  To be honest, it is indeed a trial and certainly weighs me down - yet I believe that it is a blessing.  We have already learned so much.  I believe that we are on this Earth to learn, grow and become better people.  It is not for us to dictate what a blessing actually is - would a life of ease and comfort cause us to grow or become better?  We may desire it, but if we truly desire to improve and be more than we now are... I have to think it will come primarily through trials.  Therefore I say, trials can be blessings, especially if you make the effort to express gratitude.  Even more difficult, don't wait until years down the road to see the good and find the gratitude.  Finding it while in the midst of the trial can lift that burden even while it is weighing you down.

Here is a video of our property in Washington.  I'm sure I've posted it before... but since I still own it... I am thinking I will always own it... and what a great vacation home!  You may also notice that there is plenty of forest around - and that the man who owns almost 200 acres of property in the county could stop worrying about .2 acres of mine!

ps - I just watched the video.  I must say I really miss my front porch and the bubbler in my front yard. Also my many amazing blueberry bushes, but mostly the porch and bubbler.  Wow - it is really pretty there!  My Texas friends will like to see that even before we moved here we were flying our Texas flag!

GIFT

Summertime always brings an abundance of time on our hands and a search for quality ways in which to spend that time.  I have quite a collection of charts and books from past summers.  This summer we are reading, memorizing, doing service, working on manners, chores, eating right... etc.  The usual.

My family scripture journal

One thing that we really wanted to change was our approach to our family scripture study.  Different methods in the past have been both effective and not effective - sometimes burning us out for months at a time.  Now, with just two children at home -- two half-grown children -- we thought it was time for our study to grow up a little as well.  Our new approach is intended to last for six months before we re-evaluate.  One day we sat down and made a list of topics to study.  Kimberly typed these up and put them into a jar.  Every couple of days we draw out a new topic and each find a couple of verses in regard to the chosen topic.  A few minutes of personal reflection is followed by each of us sharing what we learned and thought about the subject.  We each have a little journal in which we record whatever we want - maybe our own thoughts, maybe what everyone else shares... it doesn't matter.
Quite frankly, I am learning so much!  Mark and I are both in awe over not only what we are personally taking away, but at what our children have to contribute!  This takes only a few minutes each day, but we are growing in many ways.  ...and no one is bored.

GIFT - this was our first topic.  I wondered where we would go with it and was so pleased with the result.
My first page of writing is shown in the photo.  If I had ever dreamed I would put it out for the public to view I would have worked on my penmanship... Oh well.  These are thoughts in general and read:  When a gift is given, it isn't always what the receiver wanted, or may be something they have never even thought of - but when given by someone who loves you it has been thought out and is something that will benefit you, perhaps far in the future.  Perfect gifts from our perfect Father may be unanticipated, misunderstood or even unwanted, but will always be for our good.

•  We learned to be wary of some gifts which are given in the form of bribes and must be avoided. 
•  If we wish to present a gift to the Lord (at his altar) - this could be our time, talents or any sort of service, etc... we must do so without contention in our hearts.  Harboring ill feelings toward anyone else our gift will render our gift unacceptable.
• Everyone is given at least one gift from God.  These gifts are intended to be used to benefit others, thus all of God's children will be blessed through one another's gifts.
• Christ is the greatest gift and his gives his life for us.  This is much more than just dying for us - He LIVED for us, there was never any selfishness.  He took his time on Earth and dedicated it to us, our greatest gift.

Another journal entry:  Gifts are talents and strengths.  They are also opportunities that come to us.  They may be in the form of certain interactions.  I think some of our greatest gifts come in the form of trials - if we grow and improve through the lessons of a trial - we become who we need to be... then these are gifts indeed.

That was just two days of reading and discussing.  Just a few days later we were presented with a Gift, an unexpected and rather unwelcome gift which we were prepared to embrace because of these two days' study.  I will have to write about it later... but I am so grateful that the scriptures prepared us to see our new situation as an opportunity to learn, grow and be blessed!

Working On My Quality

How was your day?......... Better!

What did you do? ............. I worked on my quality!

A few weeks ago I heard a woman speak of her 30-something son who has Downs Syndrome.  For 16 years he has worked at a steakhouse clearing tables and doing dishes.  Each day she goes to pick him up from work and each day they have the same conversation.  She asks how was his day and he replies, "Better!"  An inquiry into how he spent his day brings the same reply every time, "I worked on my quality!"

These responses stole my heart and have been in my thoughts ever since.  How often has my day been better than the day before?  Often enough... but what if it were consistently Better?  What if every day was better than the day before?  Granted, there are many things outside of my control which affect my day - but for the most part I am in control of what I do and how I react to situations.  In almost every way I am better than I was ten years ago... but if I could learn to work on this day by day - where will I be ten years from now?

I could work on being better in my family relationships, how I spend my free time, cooking & cleaning, coupon clipping, writing thank-you notes, smiling, keeping contact with friends,  exercising, reading, memorizing, sharing... blah, blah, blah.  Well, I could be overwhelmed and drive myself crazy and get discouraged trying to get better in everything.  Or I could not even try and just stagnate and feel even worse... 

This is where I really like the second response.  Working on my quality!  I can do this!  Instead of making a list of everything that needs to be better about my life (and feeling crazy and discouraged), I could just think about improving my quality of whatever it is I am doing when the thought comes to my mind.  If I could manage to think about it even once a day - improving my quality in that one instance ... well, I should be able to report that my day had gone "better" - and ten years from now I will have learned to seek for "quality" and find that every aspect of my life is "better". 

Good plan... 

Cancer checkup - Natalie had her MRIs and received a clean bill of health.  Jacqueline also had her MRIs and though there is some suspicious activity we are hopeful that nothing is cancerous.  Of course she is a missionary and so I was unable to be with her, but the doctors are not concerned at present.  Greg is happy to have a summer without chemotherapy and is recovering from over 30 stitches he received a couple weeks ago when they removed a few moles.  Only one mole proved to be undesirable, but they cleared all margins and he's doing great.  David and Mark will have their tests in July.  My one photo today is Kimberly - she doesn't have Li Fraumeni but we were still relieved when her pathology report came back clean.  About a month ago she had a painful cyst removed from her ear canal.  Aside from eardrops and a no-swim order, we were relatively unaffected.  Nevertheless, sending her into the operating room brought back many memories.  Fortunately I am well skilled at diverting myself - Nevertheless, it would seem that my children cannot go into surgery without some sort of excitement.  In Kimberly's case, after about 20 minutes, the electricity went off!  The generator kicked right on, but I was immediately aware that she was laying there under anesthesia and beyond my reach.  I was glad to get her home again.  As for Kimberly, she was thrilled to be able to report to her siblings that she had joined their "surgery" club.  They were not too sure that 30 minutes or so working on her ear "counts" - her lesion was "unremarkable" and her scar doesn't exactly give her bragging rights around here, but as the mom,  I'll take it any day!

Melancholy in Texas

Melancholy.
  I want to call my sister, but then I would cry.  Or she would cry.  I know my mom would cry. Sadness, no - not sadness.  I am not sad, I am actually feeling quite peaceful and content.
I just came home from a worldwide broadcast.  I am a member of the oldest and largest women's organization on the planet.  The Relief Society of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  It is a marvelous organization - supporting women in all of our many roles, promoting literacy and education, providing all levels of service around the world and next door...
Twice a year we have a worldwide broadcast.   Tonight was my first in Texas.  I know that my sisters, mothers, daughters and friends... scattered as we are... we all hearing the same inspiring instruction.

Sister Farewell 2015

I was reflecting on my first broadcast in Washington.  It was the end of September 2001, Jackie had just turned five years old and I brought her along because I had lived there just under three months and didn't really know anyone.  I remember spotting a few women I knew, but they were busy with one another.   Instead I spoke to complete strangers and knew it would get better.
September 2015 ... I was out of town and listened to the broadcast with my daughters.  I was relieved because I knew I would have been sad to join in with my many friends for the last time.  When my sister moved to Washington we used to take turns attending one another's buildings.   There was always a friend to invite - and then go out to eat with later.  Always, I could look around and find a room full of women that I love.

Farewell to Oregon Nov 2015

I have been here just over three months.  I am new and I find myself older and quite content to watch the women interacting - all without feeling lonely.  I am happy to see friends greeting each other.  Tonight I had friends as well.    I have met some of the most amazing women, it is a privilege to know them.  I know that it is just a matter of time before I can look around and find a room full of friends again.

Nov 2015 -  Farewell to Washington

Yesterday there was no school and I needed an adventure.  David, Kimberly and I headed out to explore and ended up in Palestine, TX.  There is Dogwood festival and we saw some of the most beautiful country!  We saw rhododendrons in bloom - evergreen trees - hills - I loved it.  I also loved the flat open country as we drew closer to Dallas.  So much sky - and Sunshine!  As I drove I contemplated how I could love this country so soon, especially when it is so different from my beloved northwest.
Why would I question it?  I have a deep love for many areas of this country.  Who would have thought I would ever be grateful for moving around as a child?
1991 - Nathan was born and I didn't know that I could ever love another human being as much as I loved him... then the children kept coming and the love kept growing.  I guess it is the same with places that we live.  They are all different, but we can love them all.
And friends.  I love so many friends... from high school, college, California, Oregon, Washington, and now it begins in Texas.
This must be one of Life's greatest (and sweetest) lessons.

Feb 2016 -
Welcome to Texas

Ok - as I speak of Texas... this is all in spite of the fact that, although it is a clear, warm night--- it sounds like a hailstorm outside.  This is because these rather repulsive flying beetles of some sort of bombarding it trying to get to my light.  I hope they hit it so hard that they die... there must be thousands of them and I find it more than a little nauseating... I think I saw their larvae in the ground while digging in my yard the other day.  They fell off my car when we  parked in the garage tonight.  Ummmmm, this is going to take some getting used to...

Melancholy.....

Musical Surgery

In my opinion, a chemotherapy port is a sizable piece of equipment to have implanted... so to remove it under a local anesthetic seems like something I wouldn't want to do.  When he was 17, they put him to sleep - at 22, Greg was awake and able to give us a play by play.  He sent an email today with this report:

So probably the most interesting thing this week was my port removal surgery. If you're not a pediatric patient then you don't get put out for it. And if the doctor has some strange reason to not show up (I don't know what happened) she sends her PA to do it. ( I am really bummed that Dr Scaife did't get to do it. I really like her.) Nathan came up with me and got to watch. Everyone got to watch except for me. I was just numbed with lidocaine and then they sliced, pulled, snipped and all kinds of stuff while I tried to keep a conversation going that would keep me distracted from what was happening. So the port is out, I survived, and it really is purple. Now I just have a huge bruise from all the messing around.  

 A fun note about the surgery. They asked what kind of music I wanted. I didn't care so I said classical because that's the best kind to go along with a surgery, keep everyone calm. But the music kept keeping time to what was happening. As the doctors got ready the music was sad and tense, as if it was a dramatic TV show. Then as they operated it was sad as if I was dying and my family waited outside in the waiting room anxious to hear about me. The music came to a triumphant end right as they pulled the port out! kind of fun. Then there was a commercial break on the radio, just like TV. As the doctor sat and held pressure on my neck to make sure I didn't bleed out, the music was slow and thoughtful. Perfect for an end of episode montage. Me in the room, good news to the family, the guy who hit me in a car accident being led out of the court room. The lawyer being thoughtful, back to me and the music ended again right as the doctor was done sewing me up. That was kind of funny and we kept laughing about that. 

Blee & the Eagles

Someone recently reminded me that the stress of moving is equivalent to having a death in the family.  This helps explain why I am living in slow motion - I think I am still recovering from those last crazy weeks.  Most of this was my own fault - I wanted to see and spend time with everyone that I loved... and I couldn't leave town without painting my friend's kitchen cabinets, or any number of other projects which I felt driven to accomplish.

One of my all-time favorite photos!

  One big one - David's Court of Honor.  He had earned his Eagle Scout Award several months before, and he was just waiting for his best friend to complete his paperwork so that they could celebrate together.   Looking at the calendar one day we realized it would probably not be possible --- but never say that to my friend Heidi, she pulled out all the stops and her son began making phone calls.  Thanks to many helpful people, he completed his paperwork.
  Time was up - we were moving - but... Heidi and I both don't like to be told we cannot do something that we really want to do - and so... on the first day of moving we asked our movers to leave early so that we could all go down to the church and celebrate the hard work of these two Eagle Scouts.

New Years Day hike along
Columbia River

  That evening was even sweeter than we had anticipated because Kimberly had also been working hard.  She had earned her Young Woman's Medallion and so we were able to add her to the program.  Having spent so many childhood years together, it was fitting that we celebrate together as well, especially on our last night in town.
  For anyone who knows these kids - take a minute (or 6) and watch the cute video that Natalie put together (quickly before we packed the computer).  You can watch them grow up before your eyes.  My favorite part is watching David and Kimberly together - they have such a sweet brother/sister relationship.  See how his arm is always around her, protecting her like a big brother should.  Also notice how they are usually playing outdoors - it's not secret that this is where I like to see my kids.  (Blee is what David called Kimberly when they were babies and he couldn't pronounce her name.  Almost 14 years later it seems to have stuck.)  click here: Eagle/Medallion Slide Show

There were Three Musketeers, why
can't I find the photo with Sheadan?

Serving Mom and Dad
an anniversary dinner

  Kimberly's Young Woman Medallion, or Young Woman Recognition Award, is something to be proud of.  It is something that the girls at church begin to work on when they are 12.  In the past they had to finish it by the time they were 18, but it is now open to all women.  I earned one when Jackie earned hers, and again with Kimberly.  I thought I would try to get three with my three girls, but I managed two with an Honor Bee - so I am aware of how much work these can take.  I want to briefly explain what this award entails.
There are 8 "Values" that the girls learn about and incorporate into their lives.  These are:

• Faith ~ learning to trust in our Savior, Jesus Christ
• Divine Nature ~ we are all daughters of God
• Individual Worth ~ each of us is very important to our Lord
• Knowledge ~ we must participate in learning at every level
• Choice & Accountability ~ we are free to make choices but must accept consequences
• Good Works ~ service to others brings joy to everyone
• Integrity ~ we must be as good as our word
• Virtue ~ our thoughts/behavior must be based on high moral standards

Another road trip

With each of these values, the girls must complete six "experiences" and a 10 hour project.  Experiences include a wide range of activities, studying, service, learning/teaching, etc.  Completing eight 10-hour projects is very impressive.   The entire program is called Personal Progress and it is aptly named.  My sister told me that she is never a better person than when she is actively working on her Personal Progress.    Just like a grown man who has earned his Eagle Scout award will almost always stand out, so will a woman who has taken the time to develop her mind, her talents, her spirit and learned to care for others through Personal Progress.  The Honor Bee I mentioned is an additional award that is available to girls and women who have completed Personal Progress - it has several requirements which include 40 hours of service.

Holding hands along the way

So today I am just celebrating Young Women and Scouts and my children and brothers who put their arms around their sisters and playing outdoors and friends who help you pull off big events on the day you move away and that I managed to bake 90+ rolls for a dinner tonight and none of them burned and my husband's trip next week just got shortened by a day and that I can see my trash can blew over but didn't spill and... that there is always something to smile about!

Nathan and Greg are both Eagle Scouts
(They set this goal at a young age)

AND everyone celebrate that at this very moment - 1,000+ miles away, Greg is having his chemotherapy port removed!  That means that he is over 6 months post chemo and cancer-free!  Let's keep it that way!  He's happy because it has added another port to his collection.  I am thinking that two is a large enough collection!

Tossed with Waves

  When I was young, I used to wonder if I would someday be required to walk on water like Jesus did. (I'm pretty sure I won't have to do that.)  It's one of those stories that really catches a child's attention.  Recently I was reading it again and I noticed something new.  He is walking, not only on water, but on a stormy sea!  

24 But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary.

I hadn't realized that there were waves and a "contrary" wind.  It really does change the image.  So now, picture Peter.  He climbs out of a boat which is tossing about on these waves.  Nevertheless, he wants to be with Jesus and he walks toward him... amongst the storm and tumult!!!  It is really very impressive!  And then:

30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

It was when he "saw the wind boisterous" that he began to fear and sink.  The tumultuous waves must have been terrifying.  Peter was successful until he changed his focus from Christ to the wind and storm surrounding him.  Those waves had been there the whole time and Peter was aware of them because he had been out in the "the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves"

Certainly I am aware of many waves, tumult and storm swirling around me.  You cannot be alive today without being surrounded by tempest.  I guess that the question for me has become, "Where is my focus?"  There are certainly things that I do not need to spend my time worrying about - but the greatest, most personal storms DO need a lot of time and attention.  If your child is sick you do need to seek medical attention, if you are moving across the country you do need to pack your house, etc. etc. Then, in the middle of everything, we need to have a positive attitude.  We need to take care of the big things, and the everyday things, and help other people with their things....

 Sooo....  in order to keep our head above water, it would appear that the skill we all must be seeking is how to take care of everything needing care - while maintaining a focus on our Savior.  

I think that this will take a lifetime of practice.

In my life,  I tend to not get very far and then, like Peter, I become afraid and begin to sink.  Here is a beautiful lesson for us... since we all fear, we all begin to sink...

And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him

This scripture says IMMEDIATELY Jesus caught him.  He was right there and waiting... but go back one verse and see what immediately after what?

 ... he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

Peter cried out for help.... and Help was there.  (Matthew 14:24-31)

Lifetime of Love

  "It's ok Mom, we know you love us!"  Kimberly, my 13 yr-old, was assuring me that she didn't mind that I had forgotten to put the red food coloring into our traditional Valentines Day breakfast.  Pink milk, pink, heart-shaped pancakes and pink buttermilk syrup are the usual fare.  Before church on Sunday I hurried to  prepare pancakes, buttermilk syrup and milk... it wasn't until we were almost done with breakfast that I realized that the pancakes were round and that nothing was pink.
  I knew it wasn't a big deal, but Kimberly's reassurance reminded me that there are so many little things we do that does express love.  Words are important.  Hugs are important.  Kindness is important.  Service is important.    Fun holiday traditions are good too, but sometimes don't mix well with getting to church on time....

   My friend recently told me of a lady she knows that has decided that when her children reach a certain age, she will no longer express her love for them through words or hugs.  Apparently they will no longer need those things.?? Well... I do not know what age that would be... I am nearing the half-century mark and I still need and expect this from my parents.  It breaks my heart to hear of such a parenting theory and I am grateful that my parents loved us children so completely - and expressed it in word and deed.

Well, here we are.  This photo was already
on my blog, so I probably wrote about
Dad on his last birthday also.  Oh well,
Happy Birthday Dad!!

Dad in high school

  Yesterday my dad turned 75!  How did that happen?  Isn't he in his 30's, patiently showing me how to tie my shoe and encouraging me as I learn to roller skate?  He is pushing us on the swings... giving us a "run-under" so that we can swing higher than the birds.  Now we are hiking on the California coast and he is stopping to break off leaves of various shrubs, smell them and tell us about that particular plant. He is full of boyhood stories of similar times spent hiking these same trails.  I'm in high school and he patiently helps me understand how to solve a word problem in Algebra.  Years before he
helped me learn to write an essay.   He is in his late 40's and driving me home from college for the summer, teaching me that deserts are beautiful, that all of the world is full of beauty if we will just look for it.  For a couple years my summer job is at his firm and we occasionally drive into the hills to eat our lunch, enjoying the views while eating peanut butter sandwiches together.  He is in his early 50's and I have just had my first baby boy.  He thinks he is alone with the baby and doesn't know I am watching him as he coos and makes nonsense sounds - have I ever loved him more?  He enters his 60's.  We both love photographs, stories, and family history.  We both want to be always outdoors, always breathing fresh air, tending plants and enjoying quiet moments.  I realize he is the most intelligent person of my acquaintance.  I try to practice what he preaches... if you think something is unpleasant - change your attitude and suddenly it is enjoyable (he is better at that than I am).

I am in Junior High School -
and I knew my parents loved me!

  So now he is 75 - I talked to him on the phone yesterday.  He had just come out of the theatre - they had gone to see the new Star Wars.  It was a bit emotional.  Why?  Almost 40 years ago we watched the original Star Wars together.  First our entire family went - we had been anxiously awaiting its release.  Then... wonder of wonders... Dad took my brother and I back again the next night.  And the next!  Although money was always tight - we saw that movie three times (or was it four?) in one week.  One memory is burned into our brains and our hearts - as we drove home our car became an X-wing fighter.  He put it into warp speed and we bravely battled the tie-fighters the whole way home particularly around that one corner near the 7-2-11.  All of these years later we remember it, we smile and we know that we love each other.

November 2014
Daddy-Daughter snapshot.
A lifetime of love!!

  "I love you"  "I love you too"
  Of course that is how we end all of our phone calls... and we mean it.  I expect to hear it, and I want to hear it.  Yet without it, I would still know.  My entire life I have known.  I knew my parents wanted to be parents.  I knew they loved being parents.  I knew they loved me.  When my dad speaks of having us all together as a young family he tears up.  They are the best of times.

  I love my family.  I love my parents.  Even more, I love being a parent.  I adore my children.  I will always tell them, and I hope that I always show them.  I hope that my entire life reflects the deep feelings I have for motherhood.  What memories will they have of me on my 75th birthday?

Alternative Ending:
  I don't want to conclude there - because I have never doubted that my father loves me, I have never doubted that my Heavenly Father loves me.  Because I have experienced the deep love that I feel for my children and they cannot yet comprehend, I know that my Heavenly Father loves me with a depth that I cannot yet comprehend.  I cannot grasp it, but I am learning to trust it.  I am one of countless children and he loves us all.  How I wish I could share what I know with everyone.  I am just one person, one daughter.  I can do my best to share this love with my children, and they in turn can learn to share it with their children.  It can filter out through our home and our lives to our friends and to those with whom we interact.  We can make a difference!  Our Father would want us to!

Experience Joy

   A smart, beautiful young girl dies of cancer.  Her mother writes a book.  I read the book.  I know I wasn't having the emotions that I was supposed to have.  I felt frustration. This poor woman really struggled - really, really struggled.  For example, she could not bathe because the water caused so much pain on her skin.
  Poor lady!  As I read of her struggles at first I just wanted to say, "Get A Grip Lady!" - Not very nice, but I couldn't understand her reactions.  I have been through so many of these same experiences and handled them so differently.
  I am a nice person and I repented of my reaction -  Then my frustration stemmed from the fact that I couldn't step into the book and help her out a little!  I wanted to talk to her and share some things that I know.  Her daughter was an amazing little girl and I was sorry that their last months together weren't lived differently - but alas, I could not change the story.  In the end, the mother finds a sort of peace, though I still think she is off the mark.
  A few weeks ago I was able to speak in church.  My topic was "How a Christ-Centered Life brings Joy."  I love this topic!  Because we are new in Texas I was able to share a few of our cancer experiences.  I share this because I wanted them to know that, despite a couple of really trying years, our family experiences JOY.

I think this is supposed to be
accompanied by M&Ms.
I would share if I could....

  This is a message I wish that I could share with everyone.  I know that childhood cancer doesn't reach every home.  However, I also know that trials, heartache and suffering do reach every home in one way or another.  Cancer is easy to talk about.  I am blessed in this way.  I know that every mother will watch their child struggle with something and most of those struggles are not to easy to discuss, or should not be discussed with others.  We have some of those.
  Cancer, however, well - we can talk about cancer.  If your child hasn't been diagnosed, you know a family member or friend has been.  We all know the fear and we all want to help.  So... I talk about it.... Hoping that those other mothers can read and learn and know that we can experience Joy in the midst of our trials.  This is one of the most beautiful and powerful lessons that I have learned through our childhood cancer years!
  I have thought more about this during the past couple of days.  I know I can feel sadness, discouragement, apprehension, anxiety, exhaustion and many other less-than-positive emotions and still feel Joy.  I may not be smiling.  I may be crying.  I can still be joyful.  Joy is deep.
  I also thought that I cannot feel Joy when I feel emotions such as anger, malice, jealousy, etc.  Why is that?  If my Joy is deep, where does it go when I let myself be angry?  I think that the key is "let myself."  When I make the choice to let myself have such negative emotions, I experience the consequence which is to drive away the spirit of Christ.
  Jesus Christ taught us the way to be happy.  That way is to follow Him.
   He taught us, he asked us to do certain things and live a certain way... then he gave us the agency to choose how we will live.
   I have learned that when I choose to follow his teachings and example, I can be in the midst of great heartache and still have joy... still have peace.
   It is simple, but so many people don't know where to turn or how to get there.  I have learned a lot over my life - I will write more of what I have learned.... later.  This is because I have learned that joy in family life is not achieved when Mom spends too much time on the computer...

Go Outside and Play !!

   Mark moved to Texas 2 1/2 months before the rest of the family.  That same weekend another family from Washington moved to Texas.  Mark met them at church - three of their children match the ages of our three still at home.  How fun it has been to have such good friends already - our kids have a great time together - all of them laughing, talking, playing games, etc.
   Our two families have a lot in common.   One important characteristic of both families - we limit our children's away-from-the-home activities so that the family has recreational time together.  We both enjoyed living in Washington with all of the outdoor activities available.  Hiking, swimming, exploring the coast...    A few nights ago my friend looked at me and expressed her concern for how we will spend our summer hours in the heat and without the mountains, lakes and rivers to which we are accustomed.  That night I slept fitfully as I pictured a summer without Lewisville Park, Battle Ground Lake, Siouxon Falls, Moulton Falls...

I captured this on my
phone last August and
it should explain my
summertime anxiety

I loved walking at Lewisville
Park several times/week

  To know me is to know that one of my greatest dreams for my children came true when we moved to our five secluded acres.  We lived there almost 14 years and never watched a television station.   My kids played outdoors with their imagination - I love hearing them reminisce about their make-believe games.  It sounds like they all had a special spot in the woods where they could go to be alone.  I know I did.
  I have been very blessed to move to Texas with 2.3 somewhat secluded acres also!  My property is lined with trees on three sides and a neighbor with a pond on the other.  I am humbly grateful each day to have found this location!
   I just stepped outside to spray paint several picture frames.  Yes, it is a bit cold to be painting outdoors in January.  Nevertheless, those few minutes outside were exhilarating.  More so than sitting here, now, at my computer.

My kids built some sort of stone-
henge at our favorite beach,
Cape Lookout

This entire blog post was inspired by a friend's Facebook post which included this important video: Click Here  It is sobering to think what is happening with our current generation and what this means for the future!

This seems like a good time to transcribe a paragraph from a letter written by Mark in September of 1994!  It surfaced during the move. It is printed on a dot matrix printer and still has the paper-feed sides to it.  (We used to be better about writing letters to our families.) The setting is Aloha, OR.  We had just graduated from BYU and moved to the northwest.  Mark is telling everyone about the blackberries, the zoo, and other discoveries.  Then he writes this:

Our neighbor's pond in
Texas is beautiful

One of the best things we have done as a family is sell our TV.  I recommend this to everyone.  We do plan to buy a small portable 13 inch to use as a monitor for watching videos, but feel no urgency to do so.  You may ask how we fill the void of TV.  Well, there is no void, only freedom.  

As we drove away from WA,
one last stop at
Multnomah Falls.

   The lack of TV allows time to read books with the boys or play other games.  Corinne and I also enjoy reading.  For news we listen to the radio during the day.  This is much better because the radio takes time to discuss issues instead of just giving a headline.  I have access to computer databases at work and can print articles from all the major newspapers.  If there is an issue that we want to know more about we have a great information source.  The nicest part of not having a TV is that we have eliminated the negative influence in our home.  We no longer feel obligated to sit and watch all night long.  Instead we go for walks or just sit and talk to each other.  Again, I encourage all of you to move the TV out of the front room and into a closet only to be used occasionally.

I have been thinking, if this
doesn't sell I will have a great
summer vacation home!

In WA we kept this "TV"
under our stairs and pulled
it out to watch movies.

This was obviously before the internet was a part of our lives.  No one would have dreamed of smart phones, especially in the hands of children!  Mark was 28 when he wrote this.  As I read I am encouraged to think of new ways to cut back on technology.
Yesterday I talked with another mom who limits her kids' time with technology.  (It was her Facebook post.)  It is so refreshing, why is it so rare?!
Seriously - if you haven't watched that video... go back and click.

Cancer Leaves Its Mark - & Its a Good One

Greg feigning surprise to
find a tumor on his leg!

Greg's leg today

"Being cheerful is the only way you can get through it."
Today we celebrate the FIVE year anniversary of Greg's surgery in which 10 inches of tibia was removed and replaced with a prosthetic implant.  It was a lifetime ago, and yet happened only yesterday!
To celebrate, Greg has written a blog post for me to share.  After all of Mom's commentary on the subject, it is nice to read Greg's view of his cancer and the impact on his life:

There are moments that can change your life forever. Being diagnosed with cancer is one of those moments. Not only are the next few months instantly scheduled for you in a completely different way, but your life will never be the same. 

An experience like cancer will leave its mark. From my battles I have seen cancers mark on my Body, Mind and Family. 

Body

Scars aren't reminders of when you were weak, but of the times you were stronger than whatever came at you. After intensive surgery and chemotherapy my body will never be the same. There are some physical limitations that prevent me from activities I enjoyed, but also a great excuse to avoid the strenuous and less desirable ones. 

Sometimes I wonder if I hadn't been so lucky with my operations and had to have my leg amputated, or live with a colostomy bag for the rest of my life if I would have done it. Would the major changes be worth saving my life? The answer of course is yes. You do what you have to. I'm just glad I got the easy way out and don't have more serious complications. 

Mind

Surviving surgeries and chemo isn't an easy task, but there is a mental strength that comes from knowing that you can do hard things. There is a mental and emotional mark from cancer. Yes it is hard sometimes to keep smiling, hard to accept your “fate” of the disgusting treatments and its side effects, but as with other hard things you survive. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If I survived cancer twice and I'm only 22, then leaving home, going to school, serving a mission, those all become obstacles that I know I can overcome because I have seen my strength and I know that I can do it. There is a mental mark, but it isn't a disability, it's a support beam. 

Family

The final mark cancer leaves is on a family. Obviously there are effects on extra time Mom stays in the hospital instead of being home. There's dealing with a brother who sleeps in the living room and throws up all day. There's the extra presents on Christmas from hospital volunteers. There's the anxiety of going on a mission and leaving behind a sick brother. There are lots of strains that are placed on the family of a sick person. 

The family is different afterwards. Not only do we make jokes about cancer that make strangers stare, but we are drawn closer. I feel that having pulled together and having gone through the experience many times with many family members really helped me to understand why family is important. We have done things others will never do. I feel that as a family we appreciate time we have together. It's a mark for good. If we weren't “the cancer family” we’d probably just be some boring family with a cat. 

But I was looking through a box of “cancer memories” in the attic over Christmas break and the large pile of cards I found reminded me that family is a lot bigger. Extended family, grandparents, friends,  church members, neighbors, acquaintances, doctors, Dad’s coworkers children, my dentist, my old orthodontist, school teachers, and many others had taken the time to think about me, pray for me, and “send their love”. Cancer can affect a community. Those networks of love and concern provided a net that helped support me, encourage me, and make me feel like I wasn't alone. 

Cancer leaves a mark, but it's a mark for good. 

It's the anniversary of my leg surgery (1/11/11) and almost the anniversary of my colon surgery (1/22/15) (yes I try to get them close together on the calendar) and I was thinking how different this year is from last year. Being cheerful is the only way you can get through it. So when I found out last year that I had cancer it was quite a blow. I had already done that I didn't need to be humbled again. So we scheduled it in, dropped some classes, got some work off, and set out to smile our way through. 

The rule in our family is that you get 3 days of sad then you have smile. This year as I think of the exhausting year last year I can only say I am glad I don't have to do anything like that again for a while. My life isn't going to be “easy” from here on out, I know that. But the things I've been through will help me out. 

We can't avoid trials in life, we will all be pushed to our limits, but with faith in God and family surrounding you nothing is impossible. 

I'm glad I'm a cancer survivor. I'm glad it left its mark on me.

Greg Andrus

Scanning and Smiling - Tornado Lessons

   As I drove away from my beloved home in Washington, a very rare tornado hit my little town of Battle Ground!  As a general rule, tornadoes do not happen in Washington.   The sky was very black, there was thunder and that sense of impending "severe weather."  Mark hurried the girls and I out the door, into our van and on our way.  We didn't even have time to be sad.

Tornado in Battle Ground, WA

   Mark and David were staying an extra day so that David could attend school - besides the movers were still there.  David was able to see the tornado from his school window.  It was  good one, toppling trees up to 3 feet in diameter.  As far as I can tell, our van missed it by about two minutes and one mile.
Another historic tornado welcomed us to Texas.  Dallas has never had a tornado in December, but here it was!  Our family sat on our patio that evening watching a beautiful electrical storm.  Our phones suddenly gave us a tornado warning.  We weren't sure what to think of this.  A few minutes later the tornado sirens went off and we decided to go inside - stepping outside occasionally to feel the warm wind and hear the thunder.   ( I really, really enjoy thunder and lightning.)
   I was unpacking boxes in my office when the wind and rain outside became very loud.  I think that this is when the tornado must have hit.  It wasn't until we began to get texts and calls from family and friends checking on our safety that we realized just how close we were and how destructive this category 4 tornado had been.

Finding our niche

   Lesson One - Had we taken these tornado warnings seriously enough?  No.  We do have an area under our stairs which appears to be reinforced and we have left it mostly empty for this type of emergency... but we weren't there.  We have come out of this with an increased realization that we must be better prepared - emergency kits and even more so - all of those important papers that we keep meaning to organize, scan, store in a secure spot, etc.
   Two weeks later we still haven't done these things!  What is it that makes us procrastinate something so important?
   Better lesson - what other warnings do we receive and not act upon?  I am think of personal items - perhaps a warning from a doctor about the need to change certain habits.  Maybe we read a book showing us how to improve a relationship or a talent and we feel those stirrings to follow up on the advice.  Most importantly - what about spiritual warnings that come as a response to our study and prayer?  Do we recognize them and still not act?
I am thinking that to be the type of person I most want to be will mean acting on all of these types of warnings....
   I won't type more about that.  However, I think it would be a healthy use of time to make a list of some of these unheeded warnings - perhaps each day we could check just one of them off.  I know I would feel better and BE better...  Yikes, now I am planning to post this for anyone to read I am feeling much more accountable.   So I will be specific - I will gather, scan and file a stack of important papers.  That will be first on my list.  If I like the way it feels (I know I will), I will come up with another item.

This fireplace and clock
stopped me in my tracks

   Lesson Two - As I walked this morning I enjoyed the quiet time to myself and the peaceful neighborhood.  Suddenly I recalled the sights of last weekend when my family went to help with the cleanup of a home devastated by the tornado.  This neighborhood (of brick homes) in the city of Rowlett was like a war zone.  Tears filled my eyes as we parked and walked to our destination.  Sobered.  That was the word I use to describe my feelings.  That is the same word I heard from many others.
I am often frustrated when I experience the beauty of nature on a hike or at the beach and I want to share it with others.  Photographs never convey the true beauty, probably because it is more than what  our eyes are seeing - I guess beauty is a feeling as well.  It is the whole experience.  Likewise, images on the television cannot duplicate the feelings of walking through this devastation.  We can see and take photos, but the feelings that are there permeate our souls.

Some brick homes are entirely gone!

   As first we didn't really know how to help.  Mark and David found their way into the home and helped salvage personal items to bring outside.  The girls and I helped to pack these items to be taken to a new home.  There were many, many volunteers - all anxious to help.  Each person or group found their niche and together we accomplished a lot.  Young men carried our full boxes to the front yard to be hauled away.  Groups of men came from yard to yard to take large debris and put it onto piles.  A woman (bless her) brought a large bin -house to house- of individually wrapped beef tacos to share.

Taco Break

So, as I walked this morning in peace and reflected on what was happening across the lake I reflected on personal lives.  It was foggy and the homes I passed appeared serene, but I don't know what goes on inside those homes.  People we pass in public are generally well groomed and well mannered, but what is happening in their lives and in their hearts?
   We don't have to search very hard to understand that society is full of personal trial and devastation.  On a brighter note, I also believe there are many, many "volunteers" who are willing to help.  If we get out there amongst our friends, neighbors, family and associates (and even strangers), we can all find our niche - and like the tornado volunteers - we can accomplish a lot.
I propose that the best way to start is with a smile and a kind word.  I also propose that the best place to start is within our own homes.
   Well - this blog post has just spilled out of my mind and has developed a life of its own - prompting me to heed a little warning I have felt... that it is important for me to smile at my family members.

And that is all that I am going to say about this today....  I have to get busy scanning and smiling!

Angels Bearing Boxes

Prayers are answered.
First of all - our great news for a cancer-free Christmas!  Greg's PET scan results finally are back and he is declared 3 months cancer free!!  Such a relief!!

Trying to clean out the panty
I used up all of my flour and
fed the troops for the day!

Now about those angels - Yesterday was a busy day at my house.  My dear friend, Nina, and her daughter drove from Oregon to assist me in packing up my house.  They are - obviously - a few of those angels.  There were more angels who were unanticipated -- almost not recognized for who they truly were.
I begin my day with morning prayer.  Yesterday, in anticipation of packing, I prayed that we would have energy, be able to focus, get a lot done and that all would go smoothly... or something like that.  I had purchased about twenty boxes (in addition to what I already had) from Home Depot to see us through the day.

Three boxes of boxes

We began, we worked hard, and after several hours we had filled almost all of our boxes.  It was early afternoon and I received a text from Sherry - her neighbor had just given her several U-Haul boxes for us!  Hooray - we sent our daughters to retrieve them and kept on working.  This definitely made a difference in what we were able to accomplish.  We took about 20 minutes to eat a quick dinner (we found a half-bag of chips and salsa --- we didn't want to stop to cook - and, uh... we packed the kitchen).  Nina was thinking that they would soon head home when we heard the doorbell.  There stood Aparicia with three boxes full of boxes.  Our excitement was tempered by our realization that we had a few more hours of work ahead of us... but really, as time went on, we were simply in awe of the way that these boxes had appeared just as we needed them.  Aparicia brought it to our attention - when we explained that her boxes were here just in time she said that we obviously has angels looking out for us.  She knew that I needed boxes (which she usually gets me from her work) - but she had none yesterday.  However, she went in to work to attend a CPR class.  As she left the building she saw all of these boxes, sitting and waiting just for us!
We pondered these simple events over the last few hours of the evening.  Nina had arrived at 10:30 a.m. - she left at 8:30 p.m.  We worked for ten hours without stopping and were only able to do so because our sweet friends arrived, unanticipated, with supplies at the moment they were needed.
This is an incredibly obvious answer to my prayer.  As I reflected on those boxes today I realized something else.  Both Sherry and Aparicia had made specific offers of help with packing.  I would not hesitate to call on either of them to do so.  I think it is because their hearts were open to service that they were placed in a position to be able to help in such a way.

We added another 50+ boxes

Boxes.  They may seem a small thing.  It was no small thing.  This is an example of a Tender Mercy from the Lord.  It was a reminder that He cares about all aspects of our life.  It is another reminder to me that our move to Texas is a blessing and that we are being watched over, cared for and protected.  I didn't know to pray for boxes, but I did pray for help.  Boxes on my doorstep reminds me that prayers are answered and we have angels, both seen and unseen, looking after us.

Thanksgetting?? No!!!

It's Thanksgetting!  This is what I heard when I was put on hold during a phone call with Verizon this week.  My stomach just felt sick as I realized what they were saying.  ThanksGETTING??  Ugh.  Disgusting.
Last year was the first time I had heard of shopping on Thanksgiving - we were in  Utah and while driving our sons back to their apartments we passed two Walmarts that could be seen from the freeway.  The parking lots were completely full and there were police officers with flashing lights to keep the peace.  I couldn't believe it! - People couldn't take a day off from shopping??
I am not a shopper, though I do love a great deal!  I do not, however, venture out on Black Friday.  It sounds like a nightmare to me.  I do enjoy stories from my friends of their adventures and bargains... I just do not wish to join them.
I certainly Thanksgiving as a day to be with family and friends, and to eat good food.  After hearing the Verizon ad I thought that I might focus too much on the food and not enough on the giving of Thanks.
My sister posted this yesterday:

And this is what stands out to me:

~ all business and labor be suspended after 10 o’clock 

~people assemble at their respective places of worship and instruction and devote the day and evening to holy praise, and prayer, and patriotic song and story

~ that the young may be inspired with lofty purpose

~ many may feely bestow from their abundance material aid to the few among us who are in need

~Christian charity and brotherly love may ever abide as the chief cornerstone of the Commonwealth

There is nothing here about GETTING!!

We had 27 people at our home yesterday.  Several family members and dear friends - and as my nephew offered a blessing on the food ~ I felt so grateful for each of them that I was very near tears. (Whew, that would have spoiled a few appetites.)  I have everything to be thankful for - and I feel it deeply... yet I did not even approach the ideals that are spelled out in this 1889 proclamation.  Nevertheless it was an incredible evening - there are so many people on the planet that I love so much!

I have nothing more to say on this matter.  

Thankful for potluck also!
Good home cooked food!!

We ended up with 17 pies!
Another reason to be
grateful!

Thankful for those who joined us!