Weary, but not whining...

It was a quiet morning at our house a week ago.  The three youngest children were at various youth camps, Mark had gotten up early for a business trip, Greg and Jackie were just one day/one week postop respectively.  I was letting them sleep.  I woke up early with Mark and was about to go and walk, but then I was hit with exhaustion and went back to bed to read my book.  I decided that it would be a good mental health day and I would take it easy.  My mother-in-law called to check on the kids and as we talked she asked about my own well-being.  She said that I sounded weary.  That was it!  That was the word I have needed to explain (even to myself) how I am feeling.  Weary!  I was actually energized to have such an appropriate label.  Free to indulge in a couple days of weariness, I thoroughly enjoyed the time resting and visiting with my post-op-soon-to-leave-for-college children.

[Update - they are both doing well.  Jackie returned to work this week (driving again, hooray) and hopes be able to lose a few restrictions after her appointment this Friday.  Greg has very little pain and is healing ahead of schedule - just not lifting or using that left side of his body too much.]

A few weeks have passed since I went urban-hiking with the our church youth group.  Ten girls and a few adults spent the day hiking almost 13 miles through Portland with the LDS Temple as our end-destination.  Because it is Portland, we spent the majority of our time on jogging trails, many of which wound through beautiful forest parks.  Our steepest ascent was through a cemetery, and they even had to stop traffic to let us get through a construction zone.  

It was a great day!  Obviously I love walking and hiking.  I was so pleased that we didn't hear a single word of complaint from any of the girls.  I was especially pleased over the next few days when I learned of how miserable some of them really were... one young woman was wearing shoes that were too small and took days to recover, Natalie ended up with large blisters on two of her toes (we tended to them at the halfway point and she continued on), another young woman is now undergoing physical therapy for some issues with her hips (not caused by the hike, but the hike was painful)... One of the women now has a black, bruised toenail... our leader is well into her 70's and we did need to slow down those last few miles... Still, no complaining - just pleasant company the whole day.  (Truth be told - perhaps the only whining came from myself, Greg, Natalie and Kimberly - we were still covered with mosquito bites from the hike two days previous!)

The hike was enjoyable, but it was not easy.  My thighs were feeling rather fatigued during that last mile or two.  Everybody was ready to sit down by the time we reached the visitors center.  What a joy it was to me that the most readily available benches sat facing the Christus.    While we sat resting, we listened to a recording of Christ's words from the scriptures, declaring his Divinity, etc.  I was struck by the thought that because of His suffering, we need not suffer.  We were so tired, and here we were resting at the feet of the Master.  I thought of how it would be as we each complete our time here on earth... so tired, so weary - and we find rest with our Savior.

That rest is also available to us while here in our earthly life.  I think that most of us know this - or want to know this, but don't know how to access this gift.  As I walked yesterday I was thinking about it.  It really comes down to having a relationship with the Lord.  How does that happen?  How does any relationship happen?  To have really close friend is something that takes a good deal of effort.  This effort is usually quite enjoyable - spending time together, getting to know each other, sharing thoughts, serving one another, etc.  My best friends are people that I admire and I learn from them.  I am a better person because of trying to be like those friends.  How much effort do I put into my relationship with my Savior?

I wondered as I walked... how many people admire a celebrity or athlete?  Learn all their songs, watch all their movies or games, dress like them, put up posters, listen to interviews, etc?   This type of "relationship"  will almost certainly be one-sided, yet so much effort goes into them.  Entertainment is a nice part of our lives, but what about all those other parts, all those other people, all of the truly important and vital areas of our life?  

Many years ago I attended a one-night class on interior decorating.  They taught us that you can tell what is important to someone by the way that they decorate their home.  I was happy to come home and tell my young children to look around - see all the pictures of themselves - and know that they are important to their parents.  We also have several pictures of Christ, I hope my children have also learned how important He is to their parents.

 I have been so grateful this year that I have a relationship with my Savior.  I wish that I put more effort into it - but whatever I do seems to be reciprocated ten-fold.  Prayer, scripture study, family time and service to others - these are the things that help me draw closer to him.  I also like to find myself in places that I can feel his presence... warm family times, uplifting entertainment, nature - especially away from the crowds, quiet time alone and reverent church services where I can feel those inner stirrings deep in my soul - these are all times that I really know who I am and what is important.   Christ says, "If ye love me, keep my commandments."  Keeping his commandments helps me understand what it means to be like him.  This gives me strength.  I need this strength always - but particularly this past year - needed it through what has seemed a continual string of medical trials.  I am deeply grateful.  I wish so much to be able to share my experiences and lessons learned with fellow sufferers - not just cancer families, but everyone - we all have so many trials, we all know what it is to be weary.  Such a variety of trials, and one grand solution.  He who suffered so that we would not have to.
This week Natalie went into deep cleaning mode (I love that mode).  She sat in her room and went through many of her things.  She brought me a little notebook that she found - the only thing in it was a poem that she had written several years ago (13 yrs old??).  She doesn't remember the circumstance, but we both enjoyed the words that she had penned, and I am sharing it with her permission:

They say I fought in Heaven,

that I stood for truth and right,

They say I strove to prevent

the ignorance of night.

They say I chose to come to Earth,

to struggle, feel and learn.

I came because eternal life

is something you must earn.

They say that trials will come my way,

with all their pain and sorrow.

But I stay firm and steadfast,

valiant until tomorrow.

But tomorrow I must try again,

to live the life God would have me live,

Ever the selfish human being,

to others I must give.

Service is Christ's way,

Kindness is his path.

He is right beside me,

and I know this for a fact.

They say that I am not alone,

that I have family, peers and friends.

But I know that it is in Christ that I will find

the strength to see this journey to the end.

A Final Bone Tumor Wraps up the Season

Greg - 4 yrs old

A final bone tumor - at least I am hoping it is the final tumor for the summer, and in fact, all of 2014.  If I didn't already know about Jackie's parotid gland tumor I would be more hopeful to have a few years "off".

Many of my blog posts have been typed here in the surgical waiting room of OHSU.  Today our surgery is a short one - should take only one hour.  Greg was taken to the OR suite at about 3:45.  Mark and I hurried to eat some dinner so that we could be with him during recovery.  They are planning to send him home tonight.

This bone tumor is not a surprise.  Quite the opposite, it is the first tumor that we ever found on our children.  Just over four years ago we were preparing the family for bed;  we knelt for family prayer and then I reached over to rub Greg's back.  I was shocked to feel a large, hard lump and asked Mark to feel it and tell me what he thought.  We had not yet shared the facts of Li Fraumeni with the children - at that time we had been counseled to be vigilant, but that they didn't need the extra worry.  This lump was worrisome.  

Greg's response was classic - "Well, if you think that is bad... you should see this one!"  He pulled up his pant leg to show us an even larger lump on his right leg, right in the center of his tibia.  

Wow!  We were not quite so hospital-savvy as we are now and didn't quite know what to do.  We were eventually able to see Dr. Hayden.  He had previously removed a tumor from Mark's shoulder when no one else in the area would touch it.  We were so grateful to be in such good hands.

Greg's diagnosis was "osteochondroma" for both tumors - his growth plate was still open and they said that they could remove the lumps after he had finished growing... in the meantime we should come back in every six months.  A few months after this, Greg's tibial tumor seemed to grow and become more painful.  We waited until our six month appointment... and then everything happened very fast. It was an osteosarcoma - a whole new malignant ballgame.   Biopsy, blood work, imaging... suddenly we were in the front of every line.  They finally implanted his chemo port and we just had to wait a week or so for the site to heal - and just like that - we became a chemo/cancer family.

I am sure that I have already recorded these details... but what about the lump on the back? -They have assured us for years that it is, indeed, just a chondroma - but that it would need to removed someday.  The doctors in San Francisco felt that the time had come and Dr. Hayden agreed - so here we are today.  It has not been a problem, but there is always a risk that it could become one.  We have not worried about it, but it is always there at the back of our minds.

It is about the size of an egg and is attached to his left scapula (shoulder blade).  We found out today that it actually wraps around to the front side of the bone as well, so they will need to split one of the muscles in order to get that part - this will slow his recovery a bit, but recovery should actually be relatively easy.  I am counting on it!

These photos are from our fun day at the beach last week.  They were on my camera that I didn't want to go find.  They christened their ship the "Li Fraumeni" - I thought it was kind of a catchy name.  It seemed appropriate.  I am always glad that my kids can talk openly about their condition.  Right now we have Mark's brother and his family visiting us from California.  As they drove up they texted us - just as a head's up - that one of their sons is now a vegetarian.  We got the message just in time - we were making homemade pizza and dedicated one to mushrooms,onions  and artichoke hearts.  As we ate my children joked with one another about the texts that they would send to one another as they come to visit.... "Remember that so-and-so can't be jostled because she just had brain sugery."  "Don't forget that so-and-so is on chemo and will throw up all over everything - just be ready."  "Just wanted to let you know that so-and-so is still adjusting to losing all of her limbs."

 "Oh, and then Kimberly (negative for Li Fraumeni) will come and tell us all stories about her kids and their sports, etc. and we will think, 'that's unusual!'"  They were all laughing, and so were their parents.  It is best that way.

Speaking of unusual - for once there doesn't seem to be anything unusual!  Our surgeon just came and spoke with us - surgery went well and Greg is in recovery.  There was nothing to indicate that this is anything other than a chondroma.  (side note - Jackie had a chordoma [rare and dangerous] and this is a chondroma [no comparison])  He kept us in the conference room for almost 30 minutes discussing Li Fraumeni, screening and our family.  He wanted to make sure that the correct screenings were continuing to happen and to know if we were all coordinated.  I realized that we will need to create a spreadsheet to make sure that everyone is getting their follow-up MRIs, etc.  I lost track awhile ago.   He said that his clinic will eventually see most Li Fraumeni patients because of the osteo- component.  Apparently our family makes up the bulk of their Li-Fraumeni cases - he is the only bone specialist between Seattle and San Francisco that can do these types of surgeries... so we are feeling rare and special.
 Mostly I am feeling that I will be glad to get home and cuddle up on the couch and enjoy knowing that, for the time being,  I have no more surgeries on my calendar!  Let the good times roll...

Happier than Ever

I think that I am perhaps the happiest that I have ever been, and I tend to be quite happy... I realized this as I was driving about town this week.
I am happy.  I am grateful.  I have kind thoughts.
It feels great.
I like it.
Then I saw this post from a friend on Facebook:

During the times where I'm the most peaceful and grateful, I'm afraid to express how I feel for fear of giving offence to those that might take someone else's contentedness as a challenge to their own.

I totally get this - I have often felt that I needed to hide my good feelings.  It seems that the more happy a person is, the more some people resent them and their happiness.  I have been on both ends.  Growing up (getting old) has been helpful for me to learn to rejoice in the rejoicing of others... and thereby having a greater measure of joy in my own life.

Jackie's hospital room had a great view.
It was so strange to not be at OHSU.

I think that I am happier-than-ever now because I am taking the time to consider and recognize my feelings - and I am learning to express them.  Expressing happiness should not bring about unhappiness in others... why does it?  Considering that Good and Evil are real forces in the world... Good - wants us to be happy... Evil - wants us to be miserable.  So which force is it that wants us to downplay our happiness?  Which force wants us to dislike people that are happy?
Jesus Christ is this force of goodness - He wants us to be happy and He shows us the way.  As we follow His way - happiness follows us.  We should not only be grateful, we should express our gratitude it to Him and share it with others... If they are interested in having the same kind of happiness, they will then have an example to follow.  If they are not interested, that is fine, at least they had the choice.  They say that misery loves company.  It seems to be very popular to whine and complain about everything, yet ...ugh!
Pollyanna?  No, I would not say that describes me at all.  I have less-than-positive feelings all the time, I just don't dwell on them.   I am using the wrong term when I say happiness.  I should say JOY to really convey what I am feeling.  I think that emotions are healthy - there is a time to laugh and a time to cry.  I love a good cry.  I have some deep feelings of sadness.  I am currently rather upset by a number of issues... but JOY is also present.  The JOY is deeper than any sadness - especially when this is where I choose to keep my focus.
I am learning this: As I express gratitude and joy, my own words grow and flourish in my heart and my gratitude/joy grow and flourish in my life.
Even as I type, I worry that readers may think I am in some sort of denial, or sugarcoating the truth.  After all, in just the past couple months my children have faced life-threatening cancer and a brain tumor, undergone horrific surgeries, ongoing health challenges, etc.  And I know that this is not the end...
I don't think I sugarcoat anything.  I am functioning in slow motion.  I am mentally fatigued, totally drained and very little gets done around here.  I mourn for bygone carefree days.  I get to watch the "stress weight" increase daily with life experience telling me that I won't lose a pound until this has all calmed down.  I am soooo tired.
When people ask how I am doing, I could say, "Blah!" because that is how it feels... but those blah feelings are overshadowed by happiness and gratitude.  Maybe I am (once again) discovering what happiness is really based on and the multitude of life's gifts to be grateful for.
Last Monday I had one of those really happy days.  I had a list of things I wanted to get done before Jackie's surgery - but at the last minute I decided that it would be better to play together so I took the kids and went to the beach... well, first we left early to get Jackie's blood drawn for some of those "ongoing health challenges" - that appointment is in August but they wanted blood before her body underwent the stress of another surgery.  Then we had a 30 minute pre-op appointment for her, luckily this was via a phone call which we took en route to OHSU where Greg had two morning appointments.

Our sand castle ship.
It is bigger than it looks.

We finally left town, enjoyed ice cream at the Tillamook cheese factory and spent a wonderful day at one our favorite beaches, Cape Lookout.  My Northwest kids were happy that it was only 60 degrees and they had a great time - just like when they were all young.  They built a boat, played frisbee, threw seaweed, etc.   I cuddled up in the sand and slept - (not a normal beach activity for me) - and each time I woke up and looked at the children I would smile and think that I was the happiest and most blessed mother ever!  Then I would go back to sleep.
We made a campfire and roasted hot dogs/sausages for dinner.  Then we roasted a variety of marshmallow/s'more/candy combinations.  My favorite was a marshmallow roasted to golden brown - and then shoving a small Reeses peanut butter cup into it.  Let it melt.  Yum - well, actually kind of yucky and sickly sweet, but - yum.  (Did I say something about stress weight?)

Chicken/Apple Sausage
burned over a fire!!

Greg, Jackie, and I sat by the fire, the other three played in the sand.  We all kept at it just as long as we could - not wanting the day to end.  We were home by 10:00.  I was tired, and yet energized to face Tuesday's surgery.
Speaking of this week's surgery - We asked the doctor how common her condition is - thinking that perhaps no one else is "talking" either.  No, he assured us that her situation just really doesn't happen.  So I am going to blame that crazy tumor.  People have been awesome to give her the privacy that she requested, I think that she is feeling a big neglected but is just fine with it.  Jackie is continuing to amaze me.  After her last painful recovery, this is turning out to be a piece of cake.  Her doctor was shocked today when she told him she has only taken ibuprofen since coming home from the hospital.  Even at the hospital she had only one pain pill.  I am intrigued by the regimen of vitamins, amino acids, herbs and even a strange apparatus with wires/light that releases something in her skin to decrease pain that she has been using this past week.  The nurses in the hospital said that this surgeon does this for his patients and they all have great results.  I would look it up - but I am not that intrigued - far too much effort at this stage.  (Have I mentioned mental fatigue?)  She has activity restrictions, but I think that she will be up and about very soon.

Natalie - Sweet 16.
She didn't want a party - just
to be home and have a
chocolate mud cake.  Yum!

Natalie hit her one month post-op anniversary this week.  She continues to do well.  Last night she was in a pool with her friends to pass off on a swim test for girls camp - apparently she couldn't resist a little rough housing and that, combined with bumping her head this morning, has left her looking swollen tonight.  She hasn't been swollen since her first week home, so I will be watching that closely and hope that it is down by morning.  Isn't it true that most medical situations occur on Friday afternoon?
This blog post goes on and on because I really want to include photos and am too tired to go and get my camera.  Maybe tomorrow.  (Have I mentioned mental fatigue?)  Am I repeating myself?  Did I mention that I have JOY?

Abnormal is Our Normal

It is my job to stay healthy and strong; to monitor everyone else's lumps, bumps, and discomforts; always on the lookout for anything "abnormal".  My most extensive surgery was when I was 19 and had my wisdom teeth removed.  I do not carry the Li Fraumeni gene, but I do fit in with my family - like them, if something is going to happen to me - it will be abnormal.
About five years ago our family was out hiking and I fell - apparently I had broken my tailbone.  A week later I was still not walking well and reluctantly went to see the doctor.  While we waited for X-ray results he drew me a picture of a tailbone and explained that it was lucky we have a tailbone to hit rather than breaking our sacrum, (the flat, triangular bone above the coccyx) because so many muscles, etc. are attached here.   Of course - I had fallen while going downhill on top of a large, fallen tree and the angle had caused all damage right there on the sacrum - three months to heal.  My dermatologist still shakes her head in wonder that the mole she removed "on a hunch" turned out to be melanoma-in-situ; and worse is her reaction to that "thing" she removed from my back "the worst one she has seen in her career" - ...lovely....(she still shudders when she talks about it)...
But - this is getting gross - enough about me -

We hadn't seen this MRI view before.  Greg
saw Dr. Hayden recently and we asked if we
could see an image of his sisters' tumors.
The large white thing attached to her spine
is the chordoma.  Ugh

Today my post centers around Jackie - anything abnormal there??  How about that chordoma?? - the rare cancer that occurs in middle-age men with tumors at either end of the spine - Jackie is a teenage girl and for her it grows right in the center of her body.  Abnormal can also be good - it was operable, she did not lose any vital functioning, and there is (so far) no radiation treatment.
From the day she was born she has been kind, gentle and patient (perhaps excluding some events hovering around age 14 - no one should count those years).  I was always appreciative of this - such a nice addition to our family.  I saw it very clearly when she was about three years old and I took my two little girls to California to care for my mother who had just undergone bypass surgery.  Jackie was so young - yet so attentive.  Her grandma still talks about how Jackie was ever at her side - sitting quietly and gently, just awaiting an opportunity to help.  (Natalie also wanted to be by Grandma, but she climbed all over the place.)

Henoch-Schonlein purpura
This isn't Jackie - it is from the Mayo
Clinic.  We have similar photos
somewhere - with a more blueish
rash - it changed everyday!  Strange!

I was more impressed when she was in second grade.  Our house is 1/2 mile from the bus stop.  One day she and Greg came home and reported that Jackie's legs were hurting - he had carried her home!  That seemed odd - then she woke up covered with large, unsightly bruises - or at least what looked like bruises - covering her legs.  Fortunately, we have a good friend who is a retired pediatrician.  He happened to be at our home and without hesitating gave her the diagnosis of Henoch-Schonlein purpura.  Of course - everyone has heard of that!  The way it turned out - this horrible rash would come and go and look completely different every single day.  Some days one or both of her legs would quit working - other days it was her arms.  We went to the doctor at least once a week for six weeks to draw blood in order to monitor possible kidney damage.  I just remember her - so cute and little - sitting in the family room with both arms propped up on a big pillow to relieve the pain while we spoon fed her (she was unable to even lift her arms on her own).  Six weeks of never knowing what joints were going to give out on her and when.  She missed a lot of school and wasn't able to join in for PE or recess... NEVER a complaint.  Mostly she was proud of her own courage at getting all of that blood drawn!   I watched this little girl accept her condition with such dignity!  I probably had a sense of foreboding that this would not be the last time.
After the Li Fraumeni diagnosis and initial screening last November, there were three main concerns for Jackie.
1. Chordoma - trumps all other concerns.
2. Liver - a spot that we have still not investigated further due to chordoma, phone tag with oncologists (and misplaced MRI), Natalie's brain tumor/recovery, other distractions and mental fatigue.

1st or 2nd grade? - so brave!

3. Parotid gland tumor - this is at the bottom of the list because it appears to be benign for now.  Mark had the same tumor removed a few years ago and his was benign, but the surgery---yuck.  They told us we could wait a bit, and we are waiting.
Jackie also has three other health concerns that we have been watching and dealing with for 3-5 years.  They are rather personal, and out of respect for her privacy, we rarely discuss them.  I will label them A, B, & C.
A - More of a long-term concern.  I worry mostly because of "B" - I think that the combination signals an underlying problem that we have, as yet, been unable to identify.  My hope is that the horrible chordoma had something to do with it.  I cannot help but feel that even if there is no direct, medial correlation - there was certainly plenty of "stress" on her poor body by having that large, nasty growth right in the middle of everything.  Perhaps within the year she can return to a more healthy state.
B - This is strange and has doctors perplexed.  We have been to several specialists but they don't have answers and looking back I see that they were distracted by things like Li Fraumeni or the cyst that was on her thyroid.   Ineffective treatments - Unknown etiology - I am hopeful that having that horrid tumor gone will improve the situation.
C - Well, this one bothers her the most, but it should soon be taken care of.  Soon - like in the next several hours.  Surgery can help to correct the problem, at least for now.  It took us awhile before we had a doctor sit up and pay attention - and when they began to do that ---Yes!  This is very abnormal and needs to be taken care of - we went to a specialist who sent us right away to a surgeon.  That was about 16 months ago.  The surgeon has been wonderful - he is acquainted with Li Fraumeni and was very supportive of us during the testing period - and all of the "waiting for insurance to approve testing" time.  He wanted to wait and hear from our Li Fraumeni specialists at the Huntsman Cancer Institute - and then followed us through the further testing at OHSU.  Huntsman doctors helped us rule out cancer as a cause and they talked to other specialists who suggested another rare and strange syndrome that no one else has heard of.  MRI ruled out that syndrome - so we are once again left without a "reason" - just an abnormality.
We don't need a reason (though I am curious) - we are all just relieved to have surgical treatment prior to Jackie leaving for college in the Fall.  She is very disappointed to be missing her girls camp next week - she was on the youth leadership committee and has had a great time planning and working with the other girls... but our other choice was to wait over a month - this would not give her the six weeks that she needs to recover.
I expect that Jackie's recovery will go very smoothly.  She has a very positive attitude and has relatively good health.  I know that people love Jackie and will want to know how she is doing - I am just asking that all will respect her privacy - no need for details, just her general well-being.  I asked her permission to blog about all of this because I believe so strongly in the power of prayer.  We have been the recipients of the prayers of so many for what seems like an unbroken chain of events since 2014 began.  Well, kind of before that....  We are blessed beyond my comprehension - everything turns out so well, and we have so much happiness.  I would ask that all who read this will remember Jackie (and her tired parents) in their prayers - not just for recovery - but perhaps what we really need to help take care of "A" & "B" is a great combined faith effort; to bring healing or to know what to do to help the process.  Heavenly Father knows what "A" & "B" are - Jackie and I discuss it frequently in prayer.
Surgery will be this afternoon (strange timing - my kids are usually first case, rather nice to have a few hours this morning).  She will need to stay overnight for observation and we should be home tomorrow.

Oh! Mom! Your Poor Face!

Oh, Mom, your poor face!  I heard this many times yesterday... what else would you say to a tired, middle-age woman with 15+ mosquito bites all over her face?
I had sympathy until the children learned that I had been warned... Plenty of people have told me that Indian Heaven Wilderness Area is a haven for mosquitoes in June and July - Just the day before, my beautiful, huntress-friend Michelle had told me one of her experiences, but it was hard to imagine just how bad it could be.  We have hiked there in early September and had a beautiful time - taking photos, picking huckleberries... what a beautiful place.  Yesterday it was straight from a horror movie.

Not quite there - still smiling -

We arrived at the trailhead around 10:00 a.m.  As I opened my car door there was already a welcoming bite - I should've shut the door and headed right back down the mountain.  I did, however, have a mission.  I had most of my children and one of our young women from church - we were here to find campsites for a youth backpack trip in August and were not to be deterred.  We loaded up on sunscreen and bug spray and began our trek.  We had gone about 1/2 mile when I said, "Let's turn around and find a Dairy Queen!"  We were already going crazy - we began to carry pine boughs to swat ourselves - we never quit swishing them, like a horse's tail.  The poor kids dreamed of Dairy Queen for the next 4 hours.

These branches were our best friends.

When we got to Blue Lake, we were supposed to eat, put our feet in the water, enjoy the beautiful setting, and then go further in to find a few other lakes as potential campsites.   As it worked out, we got there and were pleased to see only a few mosquitoes.  We sat down, admired the clear water, pulled out our lunches... and the swarm hit.  That was it - we threw our lunches back into our packs and headed back down the mountain - the other lakes/campsites would have to wait for another time. It was discouraging to know that we would be doubling the number of bites we already had.  

Branches in action - a tail would be nice.

Seven or eight miles of never-ending mosquitoes - I sent the three youngest kids to hurry back to the car so that they could kill all bugs (of course we had cracked the windows).  Greg's "bionic" leg was wearing out fast, and Natalie was beginning to remember that she was only three weeks postop from TWO brain surgeries (she loves to say TWO).  We had to take a slower pace, but NO STOPPING!!   Partway down, Natalie began a maniacal laugh and couldn't stop - that had us all worried for a bit, especially her.  We only saw two other hikers - two ladies on their way up.  Usually we would greet each other and perhaps ask about the hike - instead they looked at us and inquired as to our sanity.  They were already losing it - we all understood each other.

Reason to smile again!!

When we got to the van we dove in as quickly as we could, with all gear still on.  Nothing would entice us to reopen the doors, the dashboard was littered with several mosquito carcasses - it felt like an Alfred Hitchcock film... We were about halfway back to civilization when we saw a river where we could stop and soak our feet.  It seemed important for us to know that we could be outside and have a positive experience.
Greg counted 23 bites on my right upper arm - today I have counted 25 and 27 on the upper arms of a couple children.  With two upper arms, two lower arms, two legs, back and faces all partially devoured, we think that 100 bites each is a conservative estimate.   Ewww don't forget the knuckles - those are painful!

It is a beautiful hike!

For some reason, the boys didn't flare up until the middle of the night.  Today they are full partakers of the mosquito misery.   I kept an ice pack on my face knowing I would need to be in public today - as it turned out, we all went to a matinee and then ran errands... all the time worrying that someone would ask us to leave due to our appearance.  We seriously look like we have a once-erradicated infectious disease.
It will be another long night.
So why didn't I get back in the car when I realized that my friends' warning were correct?  Why not turn around and try to find a Dairy Queen?  Maybe it was because I had been recently reading a talk by Joseph B. Wirthlin called "Never Give Up" - encouraging us to identify our course, our goal and the obstacles that would hinder or divert us from achieving it.  He says things like,  "Perseverance is a positive, active characteristic..." So, I was going to persevere...

Really not a pretty sight.

So then, why did we turn around once we got to the lake rather than persevering?  Why not complete our mission of exploring other lakes and finding campsites?  Well, I have heard another talk that had an impact on me.  It was also about goals - but I remember that it said that sometimes we have to change our goals midway through them because of unforeseen circumstances (medical situations, new opportunities, etc)- and this is ok.  In fact, it usually works out that our new path is better than the one we were on before.
Our new path of cutting our little adventure short was indeed better than the original.  We got back to town, bought some pizza,  showered and settled down to watch a movie or two (with an ice bag on the face).  There's no place like home.
Today - no sympathy for Mom - "How could you take us there after you had been warned?" "We look like freaks!"  "Walk close to me so that our arms touch and no one else can see them" - my arms and legs are as swollen, misshapen, and itchy as their's, but I am smiling.  I am smiling because this will become family folklore - we will tell the story and laugh, and those who were not with us will wish they had been there.
Just because it is hard, doesn't mean that it is bad... unless those mosquitoes were carrying some sort of infectious disease.... hmmm, maybe I shouldn't be smiling...
   ...don't scratch, don't scratch, don't scratch....

Beaming!

Home from CA Oakland/SF
Mission - Spanish

Beaming!  That is how my friend Sherry described me today - and the reason is clear - I have had both of my grown-up boys at home for the past four days!  This is the first time in almost four years that we have had all six of our children together and my heart is full to bursting.
The best part?  Watching the children interact - they are all friends and I cannot think of anything greater that I could ask.  As I watched them together, I kept thinking of the phrase, "A fullness of JOY."  All mothers would know what I mean.

How did I get out in front?  Another year or so and I am
going to be the shortest one!  How does that happen??

Today Mark talked about the hymn, "God, Our Father, Hear Us Pray" - particularly the lines:
Pardon faults, O Lord, we pray;
Bless our efforts day by day.
He spoke of parenting and testified that, although we have plenty of faults, the Lord will indeed bless our efforts.
I think that parenting has provided more life-lessons than any other aspect of my life.  Regarding having children grow up to be friends --- I really began to think about this several years ago at Mark's cousin's wedding.  His cousins are a half-generation younger than us, and as I sat with my sisters-in-law we all enjoyed watching those five grownup/young adult siblings interact.  Our children were all relatively young at the time and we asked his Aunt Merrilee if she had a secret that she could share with us... or was it by chance?  Duh - of course it wasn't by chance.  I remember her telling us that they had always made family a priority and when they did family activities - that is who was there... family.  Her kids are outgoing and had plenty of friends - but they took the time to make sure that the strongest friendships developed within the family.
We were already on this path.. partly because this is the way that I was raised and partly because we already had 8 passengers in an 8 passenger van and partly because we live in the country, many miles from friends, and mostly because I just really love to be with them... My children choose wonderful friends - I have always enjoyed them, and I love having them in our home.  They are certainly an important part of our family life - but when family life is just family - ahhh, my favorite thing!

Yummy!  Greg made us
homemade pupusas with
Otai to drink.

Talking with Merrilee that day helped me to see the big picture - to imagine my children many years down the road - interacting, laughing, reminiscing - eating good food, cleaning the kitchen without being asked (this did happen this weekend), enjoying serious/thoughtful conversations, laughing (did I already say that?)...
The Lord will bless our efforts - but we have to make an effort!  One of these days I will blog about some parenting decisions we have made that don't fit today's norm and have made all the difference... mostly it means loving our children enough to have rules with consequences, working alongside them, talking-talking-talking-about-everything, and laughing together whenever we can.

Sporting our new "California" souvenirs.

As I type... Nathan has been dropped off at the airport and we have had a quiet, recovery afternoon.  I can hear Greg in the next room with his sisters - they are experimenting with his camera - lots of laughing.  It will be fun to see what they are up to.  They like to make silly videos together - They made one yesterday afternoon and invited Mark and I to participate (in honor of being together).  The kids came up with the idea and we all kind of made it up as we went along - while the cheesecake cooked. Natalie edited it while Greg made us dinner.   It is silly - some of us worse than others... We thought it best to save it for friends who come to visit, but now I am tempted to add it to this blog... they say it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission...

Haha - I got permission, but it wouldn't load.  Phew.

Well - a few days have passed.  This all sounds so idyllic, but last week with all the children was just that...  Of course it is not always like that - we make parenting errors on a regular basis, and our kids make plenty of mistakes as well... but I am not here to blog about that... I would have to call this gripe, grumble & grouse through my miserable life.  No fun to write, no fun to read, no way to live.