Sweet Sorrow & Sisterhood

Parting is such Sweet Sorrow...  Like so many people, I do not like goodbyes.

• I do not like to leave beautiful places I have visited.
• I do not like call an end to a fun evening with friends
• I do not like driving away from Grandma's house.
• ...and I really, really, really do not like parting with my children.

Those are the Sorrows.
They are mixed with the Sweet.

• I love visiting beautiful places and am grateful for the memories.
• I am grateful that I have friends that are fun.
• I am grateful for Grandma(s), Grandpa(s), and family.
• ....and although it means they are growing up and leaving home, I am eternally grateful to be privileged to interact full-time with my children for 18 wonderful years; and so pleased with the good choices that they are now making.

Home away from home

It is different with daughters.  That is what everybody told me and that is what I discovered.  Not better, not worse (maybe worse), just different.  Last month I drove to Rexburg, ID to take Jackie to college at BYUI.  This was my third child to leave for college.  In a nutshell my past experiences were:
Nathan - he was my first and it was awful.  Driving away felt that my heart had been ripped out, torn in pieces, and part of it was being left behind.  I had three other children with me (that helped) and instead of coming home we drove to Grandma's house in Utah for a week.  Back at home it was hard to see the empty chair at the table and I began the challenge of trying to figure out how many places to set.  I was so happy, however, to see him get involved, make friends, get good grades, and have a positive experience.

BYUI campus is beautiful

Greg - this was unique because we had spent the previous year as roommates in the hospital.  For about 3.5 months his bedroom had been our family room.   He wasn't able to work the summer following chemotherapy and spent his time making himself useful around the house.  His departure left quite a void and the table setting was more confusing than ever.  Even so, there was a lot of "sweetness" in his departure because I was so happy to see him regaining his health and being able to interact with his peers.  Despite being told he didn't need to get a job, he was soon working, involved in church responsibilities, and figuring out how to navigate through life.

Jackie left us little notes all over the
house.  Here is the one on David's
bathroom cabinet.

Now for Jackie.  This time it was just the two of us.  Several shelves in her closet had been devoted to "things to take to school" such as dishes, towels, etc., so she was ready.  As usual, we had a fun time together driving the 12 hours to our hotel in Idaho Falls.  We skipped the lines at Olive Garden, got takeout and watched movies in the hotel as we ate and shared each others' dinners.  The first day of Freshman orientation involves the parents and we spent a busy day shopping, moving in, finding classes, etc.  Then that's it... parents are sent away and kids are kept busy.

Sunflowers in September

I tried to think of ways to express my sadness, but I think that it is too personal to be public.  I will just say that I was brave for Jackie, but when she was gone... well, I had to stick around town for awhile before it was safe for me to drive back to Idaho Falls.  Once there in that lonely hotel room, I managed to find even more tears.  Lonely night, lonely breakfast, lonely car ride home - at least lonely 100 miles or so.  Here is something interesting about that ride... on the way to Rexburg, Jackie and I had enjoyed seeing the wild sunflowers blooming along the road.  While in Idaho, they had an unseasonal cold snap and many of the flowers on campus had died.  How fitting that many of the sunflowers were also gone for my sad drive.  About the time I recovered, the sunflowers did as well.

On my mirror - she is worried I
will begin to dress like an old lady

Flashback about 29 years - back to when I was leaving home.  Something began then, and that something was beginning now with Jackie.  It is sisterhood... between mother and daughter.  I have always appreciated that my mother, while not trying to be my "buddy" - has been my friend.  (The buddy comment refers to my young adult years, sometimes older women try to be teens, but this 

is nothing like that.)  She will always be 22 years ahead of me in experience, but she has respected me as a person and been interested in me as an adult.  I honor her as my mother, and I enjoy her as my friend.  

Back to the present - I have 29 years of experience more than Jackie, but she has skills and attributes from which I can learn and benefit.  Together we can accomplish a lot.  Together we bless each others' lives.

Love notes to Mom on
my medicine cabinet

Sweet are the women in my life, especially those with whom I share the bond of sisterhood.  Counting my in-laws I have 2 mothers, 5 sisters, many dear friends, and 3 daughters.  I suspect that these three daughters will be the dearest of them all...

Speaking of daughters, the night I returned home from Rexburg I found this poem waiting for me on my pillow.  It was perfect timing, though I couldn't decide if Jackie was the rock, or was it me?  It is all of us - we are all little rocks - and life's beautiful experiences  - the sorrowful and the sweet - will make us beautiful as well. Natalie wrote this and I have her permission to publish it:

          Little Rock
Little rock you are so small
   and yet the things you've seen
Little rock they pass you by
   no caring where you've been
Little rock you stand so still
   unmoved by wind and rain
Little rock you seem so sad
   and yet you feel no pain
Little rock the wind and rain
   eventually they will move
Little rock just look at you
   the storm has made you smooth

Speaking of Natalie - a quick update:  An MRI and neurosurgeon appointment last month with a clean bill of health.  She was ok'd to participate in contact sports, though I cringe just a little to think of it....  There will be another brain MRI before Thanksgiving when we go to the Huntsman Cancer Institute for our annual screenings, and we will see the surgeon the following week.
               

Adventure Accompanied by Admirable Attitudes

School begins today - my children just left and I am..... working on having a good attitude.  I really, really enjoy summer vacation.  Having my children at home is one of my favorite things, particularly now that I have experienced them leaving home as adults.  Time rushes past much too swiftly.
Last night I was pondering on attitude - I can be told that my daughter needs to have a second brain surgery because they missed the tumor, or that another daughter's surgery would also rescheduled because, after several hours in the operating room, she has undergone a respiratory emergency and it was unsafe to proceed... - I can be told this and be brave and strong and positive.  Yet here I am knowing that our fun summers hours are over... and I crumple.
Not liking to crumple (is that a real word?), I do what I have learned to do each September - embrace the beautiful memories of summer, give thanks for each experience, and turn my face to Autumn.  I actually love Autumn with the crispness in the air, fall color, comfort food, etc.  It may possibly be my favorite season - and since there is nothing I can do to stop its coming - here we go....
On the subject of attitudes, I want to blog about a fantastic group of young women that I have the privilege of working with.  Last month we went on a backpacking trip together and I witnessed some examples of positive attitudes that I believe need to be put down in print.
Our hike followed Siouxon Creek.  Our girls (13 of them) were aged 12 to 16.
Some of our girls were carrying backpacks that were almost as big as they were.  Our campsite was just 4 miles from the trailhead. We stopped a couple times to take off packs and rest. When we were 1 mile away from camp, a couple of the party members were looking very worn out. A few of the older girls notice this, and volunteered to hike the rest of the way, drop their packs, and come back to carry the packs of the other girls. They seemed excited at the prospect of being able to serve, and hurried on their way. The  two extra miles were not a burden. They were all smiles.
We had assigned the girls to "eating" groups of four or five and told them to plan their food together. We were impressed that, after we had set up camp and given them time to swim, we announced that  it was time to eat. Everyone got right into the groups, pumped and boiled water, and ate without any help or problems.  They worked together so well and were so efficient, we had as much fun watching them as they had together.
Long years of storage had taken a toll on some of the girls equipment. One young woman was carrying a pack that broke after the first 3 miles. The plastic holding the straps just popped. We fortunately we were carrying duct tape, and that held it together for the last mile.  We knew that it could not last for the trip home, but the girls came up with a solution. This young lady would take the large pack that one of the smaller girls had been carrying. With a nice pack she would carry her things and most of the other girls things as well. The younger girl was able to carry the broken pack, now tied together with rope. The lighter load made her trip much easier.
Time had also taken a toll on a pair of borrowed hiking boots. Duct tape again saved the day and saw this young woman through the last couple miles, but this solution wouldn't be sustainable. The wearer of the boots had small feet, and luckily we had another young woman with small feet who eagerly shared her extra tennis shoes, leaving her to wade and swim in the rocky creek barefoot. She was also left without a pair of comfortable shoes to replace her boots after our other hiking adventure, but she did not complain.
Siouxon Peak was the destination for our second day. Happily, we would return to our camp and needed only day packs. The day turned out to be much more difficult than anticipated. Our first water crossing was near our camp at Chinook Falls.  Fortunately there was a large fallen log to cross. Unfortunately, right before the log, was some sort of wasp nest. Apparently the first few hikers disturbed the nest and the next several girls were soon screaming and covered with painful stings. We found another way to cross, but it wasn't until days later that we learned just how painful those stings had been - the swelling contined to worsen even after they were home. No complaints!!
Within the first mile we determined that there were a few amongst us that, for medical reasons, should not continue. Three girls and two adults returned to camp and enjoyed a fun day together. They did not miss out on seeing the fantastic Wildcat Falls - they...

... What did they do?  Who knows?  I started writing this on Sept. 8.  It is now Oct 14.  I am well past my melancholy over school starting.  That lasts for about a day... by now I am wishing that school went an hour or two longer each day (haha).  This "good attitude" blog has been hanging over my head, and continues to influence me.  Right now I am experimenting to see if I can maintain a good attitude at the same time as an awful head cold...  I am not doing so well, but better than usual.

A quick hike wrap-up.  Siouxon Peak was spectacular and worth the effort.. but it was quite an effort. It turned out to be longer than the 8 miles we had anticipated.  After a long, steep ascent, we had gone downhill for quite awhile and and were surprised (and dismayed) to learn that our trail still had another peak to summit with a much-worse descent to follow.  We thought we would be back to camp with time to swim before dinner; instead we stumbled in to camp just before dark - where we found that our stay-in-camp girls had pumped plenty of water so that we could make our dinners quickly (bless them).
A couple highlights to remember:
Prior to the second group leaving for camp, we realized that our trail was turning and that the faint sounds of water somewhere down below us would be the last water of the day.  Three girls joined our two men - they gathered all of our water bottles (we had each carried 2) and headed down that steep incline.  We could not see them or the water - the rest of us enjoyed a nice break until they returned.  I wonder how many of us recall what these three girls did for us!  We would have been in bad shape without that replenishment.
At one point part of the mountain had washed away.  It was very steep and just loose sand/gravel.  Mark made it across and then was able to stretch a stick that we could each grab to help us.  My palms are sweaty with the memory.  His strength and the girls' encouragement gave each of us confidence.
A word about the summit - there are two view areas.  These are precious in the northwest because trees usually block the view.  We sat on our first stop and admired three volcanoes at once!  (Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Adams, and Mt. Rainier)  There was a gentle breeze and it was so silent, so still... mountain peaks can be sacred, and this was one of those moments.  We sat for a long time, and the girls were reluctant to leave.  It was one of those moments that they will always remember and cherish.  What a treat to head out and find the other viewpoint.  Mt. Hood was added to our list of visible volcanoes - wow!  It was just as fantastic.  Here there was more room to walk and play - not quite as sacred, more like sensational.  Worth every moment of hiking!

Triumphant!

The hike back to the cars seemed so easy.  Several of the young women mentioned to me how much easier it was to go out.  We were all tired and many of us were hurting from the day before, but what made the difference?  In contrast to our first day - we knew that we could do hard things!  We had new-found confidence.  We had also spent three days surrounded by others who were happy, helpful, and expressing a good attitude about whatever they encountered.  I think that these attitudes are contagious and invigorating.

Kia Kaha - Forever Strong!
(that's us!)

That next Sunday I was asked to speak in church along with one of our young women who had been on the hike.  She was getting nervous and I whispered to her, "You hiked that mountain.  You can do this."  Her reply, "I would rather hike that mountain!"
So would I.

My hammock - hard to leave
such a beautiful campsite!