Make-A-Wish - Buon Viaggio!

"A representative from Make-A-Wish will be contacting you soon."
October 2010 - We were in the hospital for our first round of chemotherapy with Greg.  Our world was spinning and emotions were everywhere.  Hearing that Make-A-Wish was coming made our hearts stop.... what did this mean?
We had heard of Make-A-Wish and not given it much thought - it was for children who were about to die.  At least, that was our impression; so when they announced that they were coming to see Greg -  it was quite a shock.  I think Greg's caseworkers were accustomed to this reaction and were quick to explain that a visit from Make-A-Wish does not mean imminent death, but it is for children with a life threatening illness.  This was a relief, and, since we were already in shock at having a child with a life-threatening illness; we tucked it away with all of the other emotions swirling through our lives.
Everyone thinks that they would like to make a wish - but it isn't as easy at it would seem.  At least not for my kids who aren't used to asking for things very often.  Greg spent a great deal of time thinking about it - and he finally settled on camera equipment.  He received a nice camera with several lenses and case, as well as a short class on photography.

With all that we had gone through those seven months, receiving that camera was more than wonderful!  It was such a tangible event - something that showed that there are people who really care.  Our entire family celebrated that camera and all that it represented, and Greg has truly enjoyed using his "make-a-wish-camera."
Jacqueline has also been granted a wish.  Incredible to be in a family with two wishes!?!  (Natalie's brain tumor was not "life-threatening"  - so no wish.)
I will quickly point out how many of their friends say things like, "No fair!  I wish I could have cancer so that I could get a wish."  No - they would do best to wish to never have cancer.  My kids assure them that it isn't really worth it...
Sidenote - We are friends with a family with four young daughters.  After one of their girls had a brain tumor, her wish was granted to go to Disney World.  About a year later I was speaking with the oldest sister who was 12.  She said that it was really awful that her sister had the tumor, but it all turned out well because they got to go to Disney World.  I thought that was a great example of how Make-A-Wish helps to turn a difficult situation into a good memory.

Back to Jackie - she took an even longer time trying to think of what her wish would be.  These things are truly left to the children with parents/friends/family encouraged to let the child think of their wish entirely on their own.  We all thought of what we would like to wish for, but Jackie was absolutely on her own and her wish was nothing like anything we had thought of - but we are all so excited for her.
Jackie wished for "A Food Experience in Italy" - and that is what she is getting!!!  Our family will leave next week for a vacation in Rome, Italy.  We are very excited - though life has been so crazy preparing for our move that we haven't had much time to think about it.  This works, however, because we do none of the planning - they take care of all of it!  Right now I am in Rexburg, ID to pick up Jackie from college - she is taking her finals a few days early and then we will drive back to Washington.  We should get there a couple hours ahead of our Make-A-Wish friends who will give us her "wish" and it is then that we will know what our plans will be.  That will be Saturday night and I do know that we leave at the crack of dawn on Monday!

Jackie with Melissa and Emily,
our Make-A-Wish Volunteers

I don't know if I can adequately describe what it means to have this wonderful organization do such kind and amazing things for my children.  I wish that every child who struggles could have someone reach out to them like this.
When our world was rocked by cancer - life turns inside out and childhood is forever changed.  Being granted a wish is like a shining light - warm and inviting - giving comfort and hope simply by knowing that people care.  It is funded by strangers who want to make a difference, and I want them all to know that the difference it has made for our family is significant.  We haven't been to Italy yet, and Greg's camera is with him at BYU, but our entire family's burden has been lifted by the generosity of people who do not even know us.
The world would be a better place if we all did one small, kind thing for someone else today, and everyday!  There is just something about service that makes life better for everyone!

Now it is Saturday night - Make-A-Wish came to our home with a dinner party from Jackie's favorite Chinese restaurant.  We ate and then they presented us with our itinerary which will include two days of bus tour around Rome and a one day "food experience."  The rest of the time is ours to spend as we like - so we hurried down to the bookstore for a Rick Steves book on Rome.  A limo will pick us up at 4 a.m. on Monday to take us to the airport - how fun is that?

A Strong Woman is Not a Man

I love Lucy, not so keen on Ricky...

I Love Lucy - one of our family's favorite TV programs.  We like the simplicity and even the predictability of the humor... but oh... don't get me started on the husband-wife relationship between Lucy and Ricky.  She needs his permission for every little thing, is given "an allowance" and gets in trouble like a child.  Other television programs of this era have the same dynamics.  I can hardly stand to see women treated as anything less than an equal partner.
However, I also do not like to see what goes on in media today - now it seems that men are degraded.  The father is always the laughingstock and it goes even further than that... children seem to know everything while adults appear foolish or out of touch.  Actually, these things invited me to quit watching television many years ago, so I cannot imagine how stupid it has become.
But I digress... that is a good blog post for later.
For now, when I watch these old television programs I just give a cheer that I was born a generation or two later because .... well, it just isn't in my nature to reach adulthood, just to become a child again at marriage.
Today I was thinking of a time when a young lady told my son that she was so glad that his mother (me) had instilled some feminist ideals into him.  When he told me I was quick to respond that I do not consider myself to be feminist - the word doesn't fit.  I do, however, try to be a strong woman.  I want my children to know that being a strong woman DOES NOT mean being a man.
A woman has beautiful qualities and innate skills that make her a vital and contributing member of society and home.  So do men.  I believe that these qualities are different and work together - but I just wrote about that... back to women.
Well, I am sitting here with writer's block because this is a huge subject and there is just too much to say!
If I am critical of the attitude toward women in I Love Lucy - you can bet that I cannot even think of the treatment of women throughout most of history!  An example would be the double standard in regard to sexual morality.  Women used to hold the moral high ground, and also lose all respectability if she lowered her standards, while men had much more "sexual freedom."  As the women's movement came along and demanded that all things become equal - why did they not demand that men rise to their standard, rather than lowering themselves?   I have a quote from D. Todd Christofferson on this subject.  "Where once women's higher standards demanded commitment and responsibility from men, we now have sexual relations without conscience, fatherless families and growing poverty.  Equal-opportunity promiscuity simply robs women of their moral influence and degrades all of society.  In this hollow bargain, it is men who are "liberated" and women and children who suffer most."

I had to look him up - he was a 19th century British Liberal
politician.  I think a strong and virtuous man is a great
embellishment for a woman as well.

When I say that a strong woman does not mean that she is a man, I mean where are her feminine qualities?  Masculinity and femininity are different and I think that this is a fact that should be recognized and celebrated.  I love this statement by Margaret D. Nadauld (she used to be the world wide president of our church young women's organization):
      The world has enough women who are tough, we need women who are tender.  There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude, we need women who are refined.  We have enough women of fame and fortune, we need more women of faith.  We have enough greed; we need more goodness.  We have enough vanity; we need more virtue.  We have enough popularity; we need more purity.

To be tender, kind, refined, faithful, good, virtuous and pure... these are very STRONG characteristics.  These are characteristics which bring success in society, the workplace and the home. If anyone can think of a woman they know who possesses even any two of these values - such as a refined woman who is a kind woman... I am sure that you would say she is a strong woman.  I add that we need women who think for themselves - not allow the media and society to think for them.  We need women who respect themselves and teach their daughters to do the same.  We need women who do not try to be independent of men, independent of family; but rather to be interdependent - working together to make the home and the world a better place.
I am also glad to belong to a church which encourages women to develop all of their talents and skills; to get every bit of education that she can, to look for opportunities to grow in all of their endeavors, to expect to be treated as an equal in marriage, at work, and in all relationships.  At church we are given leadership and teaching positions - these often stretch us to develop skills we did not know that we had.  We are encouraged to serve our friends, neighbors and family.  Service brings joy - to the receiver and the giver.
Another movie/play that we like is Mary Poppins.  The mother, Mrs. Banks, is a suffragette.  She sings a song which includes these words, "Our daughters' daughters will adore us, and they'll sing in grateful chorus, Well Done...Well Done...Well Done Sister Suffragettes!!!"

Mrs. Banks singing about women's rights - You go girl!!

When I hear that I sometimes feel that I do not give enough "adoration" to those wonderful women who came before me and fought so hard to be treated with equality.  Yet, I do adore them - I cannot imagine a world where women could not vote.  A world where a women could not only not own her own property, but was treated like property!  No thank you!!!  However, I also do not want to be in a world where women think that they have to act like men.  I certainly do not want a man who acts like a woman.
The song mentions Sister Suffragettes - Sisters!  Women united to be strong women who can then work together with men.  Men who understand who they are as well.  Strong women working with strong men - united to strengthen society - the workplace, the home, the family and the world!

He Said, She Said

I can remember when "the honeymoon ended" and we had our first marital misunderstanding.  We were both full time students and lived in a little basement apartment about a block from campus.  This was the type of apartment that only a newlywed couple could love - particularly the bathroom where sitting on the toilet meant you were half in the shower and the other half under the sink.  We didn't really notice, because we were in love and so happy to be together.
On this particular day, however, I recall walking up the steps and down the sidewalk with my feelings very hurt.  I remember that I was wearing my favorite chambray skirt, but I cannot remember what our misunderstanding entailed.  I only know that I could not believe that he had been so unfeeling.  Looking back, I would almost guess that he hadn't even known I was upset.  We weren't very good at understanding the opposite sex.  We have gotten better but I think that it takes quite awhile... like an entire lifetime of trying... to think that we understand.  Perhaps the more we try, the more we know that we don't understand...

It was about this same time that I was taking my nursing classes and we studied organizational behavior.  We all took the Meyers-Briggs personality tests, and this was quite an eye-opener for me.  How interesting that other people saw/approached the world in such odd ways, unlike my own!  I thought that it was a great exercise in respecting the differences that we have between people.  Mark also took the test, and we turned out to be similar in ways that we still appreciate about one another.
We had been married over ten years - probably closer to 15 years... when Mark's friend told him to read Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.  We both read it and wow!  What a game changer!  At the time I had no idea that men and women functioned on such different levels and I would have probably not have believed it, if Mark had not read it, confirmed it, and been surprised at the true statements about women which I was able to confirm.  Bless that author, our lives have been blessed by his book.
The really great thing about the differences between men and women is that we complement one another.  (Complement with an "e" - thought compliments are awesome as well.)  The strengths/weaknesses of the male are offset and balanced by those of the female.  David A. Bednar says, "The nature of male and female spirits complete and perfect each other."

I just add this because I am typing this while we are
out of town together - house hunting in Dallas.
....And this is how we pack.

Anyone who believes that the Bible is the word of God will know that God created Adam and Eve.  Two individuals, male and female.  He intends for them to be different, and those differences bring the balance to create a "whole" and to be "as one" - thus providing a foundation on which to build a family.  Back to David A Bednar, "Just as the unique characteristics of both males and females contribute to the completeness of of a marriage relationship, so those same characteristics are vital to the rearing, nurturing, and teaching of children."
Though not everyone is able to live this ideal, who can argue but that this is the ideal?  I can see in our home that life is always more fun and lively when Dad is around.  I am definitely the one to provide the nurturing.  We communicate with the children on different levels - they come to us with different needs.  Together we provide that balance which provides a sense of security and love.
I have three sons and three daughters.  Anyone who wonders if boys and girls are different should talk to a parent who has raised them all.  Each one is an individual - but there are distinct gender differences which appear at a very young age.  I love these differences - and I celebrate them as part of our Father in Heaven's plan for his children.
I am glad that I am a woman - and I am really glad that I get to share my life with a man. My life, indeed, is more complete because he brings traits to my life that I need, and I am able to share myself with him.  Together we grow and become strong as we become one.

Don't Mess with Texas... Stress, Sadness and Eggshells

Don't Mess with Texas - what could Texas have to do with a very content country girl living in the woods of Washington?  Well, it has everything to do with me and my family as we prepare to move to Dallas, TX.  I should have titled this "Never Say Never" because for some strange reason - since childhood - I have said that I would never live in Texas.  There is no basis for saying this, and I haven't thought of it for many years.  For some reason I had that in my mind when I was young - and now here we are, preparing to be Texans.
The northwest has a reputation for being tree-hugging hippies and granola girls with unshaven legs.  Dallas has a reputation for big hair and bling.  I have continued to shave my legs for the 21 years I have lived here - and so do all of my friends.  Therefore I have hope that the Dallas reputation isn't necessarily accurate either.  I haven't had big hair since the 80's...
Hmmm, I just realized that today marks exactly 21 years since we left Provo, Utah with our two little boys, arriving on 6 July 1994.  I remember the date because we wanted to stay in Provo for the 4th of July - they know how to celebrate in a patriotic way... an entire week of Freedom Festival.  Our country could use more of this!! We moved from Oregon to Washington on 7 July 2001.  I know this date because we moved and then hurried back to my friend's home (Nedra) in Oregon where she had prepared David a one-year old birthday cake.

Stress - I believe that moving a family across the country is right up there with having children with serious illness... they are both major stressors on life and body.  We are certainly deep into both of them at the moment.  In fact, Mark received the word that he would need to plan to relocate the family last winter as I sat in the Huntsman Cancer Institute with Greg as he recovered from his surgery for colon cancer.  We kept this news to ourselves for months as we awaited a final destination.  It was certainly a weight upon our shoulders which has been lightened these past weeks as we have been able to talk with friends and make more definite plans.

Getting into the spirit of things - Greg sent
Mark a Texas flag for Fathers Day.  The boys
notice that all of their Texas roommates decorate
with it - so we are practicing!

I was walking with a friend this week and discussing the situation.  I told her that I will give myself a year to let some of this stress and its effects begin to wear off.  She pointed out that I have been saying this for a couple of years now.  Hmmm, that seems about right.  Well, we will just press on anyway - I know that these times will come and go.  When I am not dealing with my own stress, I will be helping others deal with theirs... and thus goes our lives.

Sadness - to leave the Pacific Northwest with all of its beauty - living only minutes from lakes, rivers and waterfalls.  To leave the dream home which we designed and built... not to mention our landscaping overhaul that isn't even a year old... to leave friends of over 20 years.  My sister and her family... Mark's brother and his family... We certainly have experienced sadness.  We have chosen to focus on the adventure of a move, but the sadness is also quite real.
We have overshadowed our grief with the rather fun game of staging our home and preparing it for sale.  This has been almost non-stop for several weeks.  So much work!  We could do more, but we ran out of time. Two days ago I stopped, got out a new cookbook and proceeded to bake several new recipes.  It was great therapy.
Last night we had a few families over for the Fourth of July.  The sadness began to creep in as I relished the beauty of the summer evening spent with friends and family... then within a few minutes I learned that a friend had just lost her closest brother in an accident... and another friend had lost a grandchild that they had only known for six precious hours.  My heart is so heavy for them.  Someday they will be able to celebrate these lives, but for now there is grief.  Grief is a part of our lives, without it we could not know Joy.  Nevertheless, it can be so hard!!
I do not compare the loss of a loved one to the sadness of moving - yet the sadness is still there.  We have had almost six months to deal with it, and from the beginning Mark and I have prayed together that we would be sent to a place where our children's lives would be blessed.  Many locations were discussed such as Denver, Salt Lake City, Chicago, Atlanta, Minneapolis... and then Dallas.  We cannot focus on the sadness when it is so much more helpful to focus on the adventure - and even more so to focus on the trust we feel in the answer to our prayers.  Sooo - we will see...

I will miss running outside for sun warmed
blueberries to eat with my breakfast!!  And
raspberries, and gooseberries, and blackberries...

Eggshells - This will sound silly, but this week I quit saving eggshells.  For years I have kept them in a little crock on my counter.  I like the crock - I got it from my grandmother's farmhouse and it reminds me of her.  I save eggshells because they are good for the soil - Apparently they are good for roses, so I decided they are good for everything.  I am not a very scientific gardener.  A couple times a week I dump them out in my garden and once in awhile I will smash them and work them into the dirt; and sometimes I crunch them up and place them around hostas, dahlias and other slug-favorites because slugs don't like to cross them.  Throwing away eggshells this week felt strange, but who wants to buy a house with eggshells on the counter?
Selling a house is quite a challenge.  We like the clean, cleared off surfaces, but only in the same way that we like to stay in a hotel once in awhile.  I really miss decorating with family photos and other memory-inspired paraphernalia.  Real life means keeping things in a pile - and it is hard to find things from those piles when those piles don't exist!  Even worse when those piles have been put away into places where they don't really belong because the piece of furniture where they should be put is now out in the shed in order for some prospective buyer "to picture their own furniture in the many blank spaces of our home."

I am now going to go and make frosting for David's 15 year-old birthday cake.  We are celebrating early as each of us are heading different directions this week with youth camps and house hunting trips to Dallas.  July turns out to be a significant time for our family I guess - it is going to be interesting to see where the events of this week will take us.  If we find something in Dallas that feels right and we can swing the financing, we will be there soon.  If nothing works out - and no one is buying my house, we could be here for quite awhile... so much unknown.  It is exciting.  Exhausting, but exciting.